Mariners Tank-A-Palooza 2017 In Full Effect

I’m proud of you, Mariners!  I really am!  Some teams might cling to some notion of honor in reaching a .500 record, as a moral victory of sorts.  But you know, and I know, that it’s all bullshit.  What matters, when your season is over, is the race to the bottom!  You grab that brass ring!  And that brass ring, in this case, is getting a Top 10 draft pick in next year’s draft.

The Mariners lost to the Rangers last night 4-2, to complete the 3-game sweep.  The losing streak has reached six games, and in between football freakouts, fans and media alike are bemoaning the fact that the M’s are falling so hard on their faces, but WHY?  You do realize that wins at this point don’t help you, right?  No one’s going to remember this team faltering at the end of the season when we take a step back and assess this season for what it was:  the Mariners just weren’t good enough.  Period.  They weren’t on par with the best teams in the American League:  the Astros, Indians, Red Sox, and Yankees; and in the end they couldn’t take advantage of the rest of the A.L. being mediocre enough to make that second Wild Card spot attainable.

So, lose away!  The Indians come to town – they of the legendary 22-game winning streak; they who’ve won 27 of their last 28 games – so how about another sweep?!  Let’s extend this losing streak to 9 games, then 12, then 15 AND THEN WE’RE GOING TO TAKE BACK THE WHITE HOUSE, BLRGYAAAH!!!

I almost didn’t think the Mariners had it in them last night.  I thought they MIGHT actually come from behind and win one.  Paxton got the start and got roughed up a little bit in the first inning, but he settled down, had more life on his fastball, and had better command than he did in his previous start.  A pitch count limit of around 75 pitches meant that he would only last 3.2 innings, but he only gave up the 2 runs, on 4 hits and 2 walks, with 4 strikeouts.

Luckily, the bullpen came in and played add-on; by which I mean they gave up another 2 runs to salt this one away.  Cole Hamels, for the Rangers, was dominant over 8 innings, giving up just the 1 run, and their closer gave up a meaningless solo homer in the ninth to wrap things up.  Cruz and Cano did all the damage with their solo bombs; it was the 35th of the season for Cruz, and 22nd for Cano (but also the 300th of his career, so it’s good to get that one out of the way so he can start fresh in 2018 without that hanging over his head).  Aside from a couple singles by Segura, the rest of the offense was shut down.

More importantly, the Orioles won and the Marlins and Athletics were idle.  We weren’t able to move from our draft position of tied for 14th, but now we only have 4.5 games between us and the A’s for that 10th draft pick.

I won’t get into it, but you should SEE the set of starting pitchers the Indians are bringing to town.  If the Mariners win any of these fucking games, I’m going to be VERY upset!

The Dog In The Mariners’ Fight Has Been Put To Sleep

I’m at that part of the Mariners season where I turn wistful.  Like Bing Bong slowly disappearing in the Memory Dump in Inside Out, so too do the sands of my belief in a Mariners miracle.  With time running out, I just want to see my team play some baseball before everything gives way to football for another offseason.

King Felix took the mound yesterday, and for three innings he looked like Classic Felix.  I wasn’t deluding myself; I know he hasn’t turned anything around.  I know that he’s still going to look amazing in short bursts, every once in a while, only for him to lose his release point, or lose his command, or whatever you want to call it.  Can’t I just enjoy a little King Felix while the getting’s good?

As the fourth inning started, it was getting to be my bedtime.  But, Felix was rolling, the season’s coming to a close, and I was willing to push it to the limits:  8:30, maybe even 9 o’clock!  However long Felix was out there and looking good, I’d stay awake on my couch and root him on!

But, it was like Felix somehow knew that I needed to be fresh and alert today at work.  So, he did what any good King would do, he took care of his people … by walking the bases loaded and giving up a few runs.  With one out, and the bases loaded, Andrew Albers came on in relief, and promptly gave up a Grand Slam to put this game – and yours truly – to bed.  I guess he won’t be getting the start on Saturday.

The Mariners would go on to make a game of it – as they do – but it’s hard to come back when you’re in the hole 7-1.  A bunch of people had a bunch of hits, and things got really interesting in the seventh, when the M’s pulled to within 8-5.  Cruz and Seager both walked to load the bases, then Yonder Alonso promptly swung at the first pitch to get the Rangers out of the jam.  Didn’t really C the Z there.  I can’t imagine a world where Yonder Alonso is back with the Mariners next year.  He’s not the reason we failed, but he’s done very little to help this team succeed either.

In the end, the Mariners got another run in the eighth, and that was that.  8-6.  Making this a 5-game losing streak, with 10 games to go.  At this point, we should probably be rooting for the Mariners to lose.

HEY, we haven’t done this in a while!  Let’s take a look at where the Mariners would draft next year!  Right now, we’re tied with the Rays for 14th.  We throttled the Rays this season, so that would seemingly give them the tie-breaker for better draft position.

With 10 games to go, there’s certainly room to move up in the draft order.  As I noted, we’re tied with the Rays.  The Orioles are just 1.5 games back (and remember, we have 3 more against the Indians to look forward to!).  The Marlins are only 2 games back!  And hell, the Blue Jays are 3 games back and they KILLED us this season!  If we can somehow lose enough to leapfrog those teams, that would put us drafting 11th.

And then there’s Oakland.  Bet you thought Oakland was so far back it would be IMPOSSIBLE for them to pass us in the standings!  Well, you’re not far off, but it’s also not impossible!  Now, hear me out:  5 games.  That’s all that stands in our way.  And, don’t forget, we play the A’s in Oakland next week, so if we can somehow get them to sweep us, that takes care of 3 games.  Now, unfortunately, even if they do sweep us, we will still have won the season series 10-9, so I have to hope that I’m mistaken and the season series has no bearing on tie-breakers for MLB Draft purposes.  Or, maybe we just go out and lose the whole fuckin’ thing!  Aside from playing us, the A’s play their remaining 7 games against Texas.  Unless you’re the Mariners this week, the Rangers aren’t unbeatable, so I’m still holding out hope that the Mariners can somehow sneak into a Top 10 draft pick.

The other option would be the Pirates, who are 5.5 games back, but they have 4 against the Nationals, and they’ve been pretty terrible these last few weeks.

I think I’ve got renewed life!  Lose Mariners Lose!  Paxton vs. Hamels tonight; can we get another night of Paxton with poor mechanics?  Can Hamels fucking BRING IT!?!  Go Rangers!

Seattle Mariners – Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition

The old timey military slang term series comes to a predictable close, as the Mariners lose to the Rangers 3-1.  I mean, I could sit here and get mad at the team for going right back to the Nick Vincent well, when he’s CLEARLY been the worst fucking pitcher on the team in the month of September (now up to 8 runs in 6.2 innings, with at least 1 run given up in half of his appearnaces, 1 blown save, and 2 outright losses).  I could sit here and lament an offense that could only muster 1 fucking run against a mediocre fucking Rangers pitcher.  I could ball out Yonder Alonso for being the latest Mariner to make an out on the basepaths – an underrated aspect that cost us the playoffs this season.  I could piss and moan about the team blowing a fantastic start by Mike Leake (6.2 innings, 1 run, 6 hits, 0 walks, and 5 K’s), but what’s the point, you know?

YES, the Mariners blew a critical opportunity, as the Twins lost their second straight game to the Yankees, which if we’d won would’ve put us at a mere 3 games out of the second Wild Card with 11 games to play.  But, what difference does it make?  Even if a miracle took place, we’d still be talking about an American League playoffs that includes the Indians, Yankees, and those Astros we can never beat.

It’s over, man.  Let it go.  On to next season.

Speaking of those Astros, they really did destroy our season.  We were 5-14 against them; the only team we were worse against was the Blue Jays, at 1-6.  The Mariners are 3 games under .500 at the moment, but we went 9 games under .500 against the Astros.  Think about THAT!

But, if you dig a little deeper, you can see it’s either them, those Blue Jays, or the Yankees (who we went 2-5 against) who show up at each critical juncture in the season.

Take the first week and a half (please!); the Mariners started the season with 7 games in 10 days against the Astros.  We started out 1-3, then dropped 3 more against the Angels, then came home and dropped another 2 of 3 to the Astros.  That’s an overall record of 2-8, with 5 of those defeats coming against Houston.  It would take us a while, but we eventually got back to .500 on May 10th, the day before we went to Toronto and dropped 4 straight.  It took us another good long while, but we got back to .500 AGAIN on June 7th, two days before we hosted the Blue Jays and lost 2 of 3 against them.

We bounced back much quicker this time, getting all the way to a game over .500 on June 22nd before facing the Astros again.  We even beat them in the series opener to go TWO games over .500!  But, we lost the next two to fall back to even, then kept right on losing (for the most part) all the way to the All Star Break.

Coming out of the break, we were a team possessed!  We even managed to somehow beat the Astros in 2 of 3 games!  It was a miracle!  Maybe THIS would be the point where we’d rip off a bunch of wins and grab hold of that Wild Card spot!  We were back to .500 on July 19th, heading home to face … the New York Yankees.  We lost 3 of 4.

We bounced right back, though, and got to a season-high 3 games over .500 on August 9th, a day before the infamous Edgar Martinez Weekend where we lost 4 to the Angels and 5 in a row overall.  I think people will really focus on that stretch of games as the key point in the lost season, but on August 25th, the M’s took the first game against the Yankees in that weekend series to get back to a season-high 3 games over .500.  Remember that 12-game road trip?  THAT was the real make-or-break stretch.  And, as you might have guessed, we lost the next two games to the Yankees to start another downward slide.

BUT, back home in September, fresh off of a sweep of the A’s, the Mariners were back to a game over .500 and still – for the most part – controlling their own destiny.  On Labor Day, September 4th, the Mariners hosted the Astros and dropped three straight.  Once again, they halted all of our momentum and brought us right back to the land of the losers.  Over the next week, though, we got BACK to a game over .500, still with plenty of time to make a difference in this season!  Only to go to Houston on the 15th and lose another three in a row.

That brings us to today, 3 games under .500.  Still enough time to get back to .500, but not enough time to overtake the Twins, or even the Angels.

The Astros were just a flat-out better team than the Mariners this year.  That’s fine.  I accepted that in the first week of the season!  There are a lot of teams that are flat-out better than the Mariners (though, I wouldn’t say the Blue Jays are one of them; they just randomly had our number the times we played them).  But, it sucks dick that we couldn’t overcome the Astros’ dominance to snag one of those Wild Card spots.  With this team, and specifically this organization’s history, just GETTING to the playoffs would’ve been a gigantic victory, and believe me, I don’t say that lightly.  I’m not one of these “Just Happy To Be Here; Let’s All Have A Good Time” sort of fans.  If you make the post-season, anything less than a championship is a HUGE letdown!  But, for the Mariners, you take what you can get.  More importantly, with the sport of baseball being what it is (ridiculously long season, potentially coming down to a single game, or a small handful of games) it’s a ludicrous institution.  Let’s face it, we know the best teams in the A.L. are the Astros and Indians; just like we know the best teams in the N.L. are the Dodgers and Nationals.  You don’t need extra Wild Card teams to help determine who belongs in the World Series!  They throw those teams in there to make things more exciting, to keep a few extra fanbases engaged a little while longer, and sometimes those Wild Card teams catch fire and go all the way.  But, it’s not legit.  With as many games as they play in baseball, you could get away with making it a perfectly balanced schedule and stick the two teams with the best records in the World Series and call it a day.  Or, you could chop the number of regular season games in half, let 8 teams per league into the playoffs, and have each series go 9 games.  But, the way it’s set up now, it’s just dumb.

I dunno, I’m rambling I guess.  The Mariners lost and I’m upset and I don’t know how to express my feelings appropriately this early in the morning.

My Happy Fucking Seahawks/49ers Review

I told you I’d shoot, but you didn’t believe me.  Why didn’t you believe me …

I’m gonna breeze through this, because there really wasn’t a lot to like about yesterday’s game.  First and foremost, yes, it’s a win.  A win isn’t a loss (or a God damn tie for that matter).  The Seahawks are now 1-1 and in a 3-way tie for first in the NFC West.  More importantly, the Seahawks are 1-0 in the division.  MOST importantly, the rest of that division is who we thought they were.

Arizona got ripped on the road in week one to the Lions, then BARELY beat the Colts in overtime yesterday.  Of course, through two weeks they’re 1-1, with both games on the road; 8 of their remaining 14 games are at home.  But, any way you slice it, it’s not an easy schedule for the Cards, who at best look like an 8-8 team.

The Rams looked like world-beaters in week one against the Colts, but the Colts (without Andrew Luck) are one of the three worst teams in the NFL with the Jets and probably the Browns.  Even WITH Andrew Luck, they’re probably still one of the 5-6 worst teams in the NFL, but that’s neither here nor there.  The Redskins came into Los Angeles and came away with a 7-point victory yesterday, which should start to quiet those calls for the Rams winning the division.  Even worse for the Rams, both of their first two games were at home, and their schedule doesn’t look remarkably easier than Arizona’s.

But, let’s dig into this one.  The key to this game was simply the 49ers being terrible.  They’ll most likely land another Top 5 pick in next year’s draft and we’ll get to see their group nab a bunch more great college players.  But, make no mistake, the Seahawks wouldn’t have won this game if anyone better than Brian Hoyer was at the helm.

I’d like to start with some of the cool things the Seahawks did on offense, but it would be criminal to not kick it off with the D.  The 49ers were held to only 11 first downs, on 2 of 12 third down conversions.  They ran just 48 plays, compared to our 79; and were held to only 248 yards, most of that on the ground.  Hoyer was a dreadful 15/27 for 99 yards passing, a 3.7 yard per attempt average, with an interception to Bobby Wagner.

I thought Earl was all over the place, both in the backfield and around the line of scrimmage.  I thought Lane showed up really well on his side of the field, greatly overshadowing Shaq Griffin, whose only contribution I noted was a horrendous block in the back penalty on special teams.  I thought Richard Sherman was a warrior, playing on an injury that would keep most other cornerbacks out of the lineup.  And, aside from some breakdowns against the run, I thought the D-Line looked great in pass rush.  Michael Bennett particularly had a great game, as did Sheldon Richardson (whose contributions, again, won’t always show up on the stat sheet).  Time and time again, this defense carries this team, and yesterday was absolutely no exception.

Most importantly, I thought this defense harkened back to 2013, like we all expected it to last week.  Obviously, a defense is going to be more successful at home, when the crowd is deafening and opposing offenses can’t check out of bad plays as much, but the last couple years this Seahawks defense hasn’t looked as elite at home.  Teams have come in here and moved the ball pretty good.  I won’t say “at will”, but they’ve been able to move the ball WAY more than they could in 2012-2014.  Even suspect offenses.  But, not yesterday.  There was no way the 49ers were going to win that game, and it had everything to do with the defense.  Part of me can’t wait for when a great offense comes in here and struggles (but the other part of me remembers what this Seahawks offense has been able to do, and I get less and less excited).

Offensively, it was the Chris Carson show.  93 yards on 20 carries, he led the way.  Most importantly, when the game was on the line in the fourth quarter, Carson picked up the load.  On the final two drives (the TD drive to take the lead, and the clock-killing drive to end the game), Carson ran for 58 yards on 7 carries, including five straight runs on that final drive to bring the game to kneel downs.  I’ve said all along that I think he’s destined to be our starting running back heading into 2018, and this only leads me to believe that it’ll happen sooner than I thought.

Very interesting, particularly on a day where Eddie Lacy was left inactive, and on a day where Thomas Rawls came back from injury and looked pretty feeble, netting 4 yards on 5 carries.  With Prosise as a clear-cut third down/2-minute back, there’s a wide open lane for Chris Carson to run through to grab hold of the starting job.  He just needs to hit it and blow past the competition.

This game also saw the return of Russell Wilson:  Run Machine.  His 12 carries were the most he’s had in a single game since the 14 he had back in 2014 against the Giants.  34 yards doesn’t sound like anything special, but a number of those runs went for first downs, including two on the touchdown drive alone!  There were definite spots where he could’ve just handed the ball off on the zone read and didn’t, and I like that a whole bunch.  The 49ers weren’t sound defensively on their quarterback contain and Wilson made them pay.  That’s going to be big as this offense continues to try to find consistency.

Finally, that throw.  The offense has been much maligned – and rightfully so – for going seven quarters without a touchdown.  It seems to seize up inside the 10 yard line and find ways to settle for field goals instead of punching the ball over the goalline.  When all appeared lost, down 9-6, on 3rd down from the 9 yard line, the pocket collapsed around him and it looked like we’d be settling for a tie.  It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve seen some of that good ol’ Russell Wilson magic, but it reappeared yesterday.  He ducked under two defenders – who somehow managed to run past our O-Line, only to run into one another – scrambled up into the pocket and threw a laser to Paul Richardson at the side of the endzone for the go-ahead score.  Everything about that was ESSENTIAL to how this team won football games in 2012-2014.

Also, shoutout to P-Rich for catching the game winning TD with a broken/dislocated finger.  STUD!

I’ll leave it at that, because I want to believe things are headed on the right track, but I just can’t figure out a way this team succeeds next week in Tennessee.  I’m just glad we got the first win of the season and we can all quickly move on.

My Angry Fucking Seahawks/49ers Review

There’s a lot to dig into with this game, so I’m gonna split it up into two posts.  Look for My Happy Fucking Seahawks/49ers Review a little later.  Spoiler Alert:  it should be a lot shorter than this one.

The Seahawks played like dogshit yesterday.  There’s no other way to describe it.  Even when the offense was going good, there’d be a drop, or a breakdown in protection, or a lack of pocket awareness by Russell Wilson, or a baffling string of play calls, and all that good would be derailed.  And yeah, the defense held Brian Hoyer to 99 yards passing, but they gave up a whopping 124 yards rushing to Carlos Hyde, on only 15 carries!  On the day, the 49ers rushed for an average of 8.4 yards per carry!  If you put even a SEMI-competent quarterback on that team, the Seahawks would’ve lost handily.

Let me repeat that:  the Seahawks – AT HOME – nearly lost to the 49ers, a team coming off of a 2-14 season, with a new coaching staff, a rookie GM straight out of the broadcast booth, and a backup quarterback masquerading as a starting quarterback until they can draft somebody better in 2018.  Now, granted, I like Kyle Shanahan a lot.  I think he completely transformed the Falcons into a dominant force last season, and I think he’s got a lot of great things in store as a head coach.  I also like what they were able to do with their draft this year, and could see John Lynch really working out if they can manage to find their quarterback of the future (either via the draft, or via signing Kirk Cousins to a megadeal).  But, come on!  At this point, the 49ers shouldn’t pose a threat!  They CERTAINLY shouldn’t find themselves ahead 9-6 in the fourth quarter in the driving rain of Seattle, Washington!

Look, there was never a point where I was looking forward to this game last week.  It’s almost one of those proverbial “no-win” situations.  If you kill the 49ers, then great, you’ve killed the 49ers and it’s a boring game.  If you LOSE to the 49ers, then that’s it, the season’s over and we can all kill ourselves.  But … this?  Scratching and clawing to a 12-9 victory at home?  That’s almost as bad as a loss.  Now, obviously, it’s not worse.  A win is still a win and they all count the same, regardless of how pretty they are, but with the win everyone gets to gloss over the fact that the Seahawks looked terrible and in no way look like a viable playoff team going forward.

You know what I thought of when I was watching this team?  The Houston Texans.  The Texans are notorious for their 9-10 win seasons where – by virtue of the terrible division they reside in – they frequently make the playoffs as a 4-seed, before getting bounced in the first round whenever they don’t play the Bengals.  Yeah, it’s cool having an awesome defense, and it’s cool to call yourselves “Division Winners”, but how cool is it to lose every time you play a quality team?

And that’s the bottom line here.  The last two years, against the Best of the Best, the Seahawks have a record of 4-7.  When you go back to our two Super Bowl years, sure the Seahawks would drop a clunker every now and then, but they also seemed to get up for the big ones!  If they’re going to spend all their time just beating up on the bad teams and losing the games that really matter, they might as well call themselves the Mariners and get it over with!

But, if they keep playing offense the way they have through two weeks, I don’t think “beating up on the bad teams” is even on the table.

I’m going to start with Jimmy Graham, because this guy is the fucking worst.  Oh yes, I’ve found my new whipping boy!

Look, we all knew Graham was soft.  He was a big puffy cloud of cotton candy in New Orleans, and he didn’t suddenly get hard because he joined the Seahawks.  We KNEW this!  We knew this when we played against him:  if you hit Jimmy Graham in the mouth, he will become a non-factor for the rest of the game.  I don’t mean that literally, of course, but if I had all the time in the world, I’d love to do a deep dive into his career and watch all of his video.  What are his numbers when he takes a huge hit in the first quarter of a game?  Because it seems just from watching him that he shrivels up like a dick in the Arctic Ocean.  Gutless.  Weak.  A punk.  And probably worst of all:  a frontrunner.  When things come easy to him, when defenses play off-coverage, when he’s able to nab a few balls and get into the flow of the offense, Jimmy Graham will pile on the catches and yards and really look like a dominant force.  But, when the chips are down and you need a big catch in the fourth quarter of a game, where is he?  Nowhere to be fucking found.

And I’m not buying this argument that the Seahawks don’t use him right.  Fuck that.  If you’re a tight end, you have to do ALL the things tight ends do.  If you want to be a wide receiver, then tell your team that ahead of time.  But, I’ll tell you what, I don’t know a lot of teams that want a slow wide receiver on the outside with bad hands.  Sure, it’s fine when you throw fades to him in the red zone, when he can contort his body and only has to contend with one defender.  But, that’s not realistic.  He NEEDS to be able to make catches in the middle, in traffic, absorb the hits, and most importantly COME DOWN WITH THE FUCKING FOOTBALL!

The Seahawks use him just fine.  They throw to him probably MORE than he deserves.  And what has HE done to deserve the benefit of the doubt?  There’s got to be a give and take here.  Quite frankly, I no longer think it’s a coincidence that this team looked VASTLY improved in the second half of 2015 when he was OUT of the lineup.  You know what, throw all your bullshit stats at me; I’ll throw “Scoreboard” back at you.  How has this offense looked throughout 2016 and through the first two games this year?  How did this offense look in those few games in 2014 when they tried to revolve the offense around Percy Harvin.  Prima donnas don’t fucking WORK in this offense!  At this point, I’d take 8 Jermaine Kearses over an offense that tries to make Jimmy Fucking Graham its centerpiece.

So, what do you do?  I mean, you can’t cut him, but I think you can demote the shit out of him.  I think you can make Luke Willson the starter.  I think you can keep Graham on the bench outside of clear-cut passing situations.  I don’t need him fumbling blocks and being a waste of space on all running plays.  On any straight hand off to the running back, it’s already 10 vs. 11 because the quarterback is a non-factor; but, with Graham on the field, it’s like 9 vs. 11, and that’s why this team time and time again fails to move the ball on the ground.  I agree, you CAN’T call Jimmy Graham your starting tight end, but only play him in passing situations; so stop starting him.

And, when he’s out there in passing downs, keep throwing him into heavy coverage.  Either he’ll adapt to the harder hits and start catching these fucking passes, or he’ll get himself injured, and you can just cut him and move on.  Yes, I’m ACTIVELY rooting for Jimmy Graham to get injured; better him than someone who can actually help this team win fucking football games!

I would suggest trading him, but that doesn’t seem very realistic either.  Part of me thinks putting him in the AFC would be ideal (my fantasy team would appreciate it if he joined the Patriots, who very much should be trying to trade for him at this point, what with their receiver situation and Gronk’s injury history), but from a strict football standpoint, I think it’d be better for the Seahawks to send him to an NFC rival.  Stick him on the Packers, let them start to depend upon him, and then beat the shit out of him in the playoffs and leave them scrambling to find answers for when he inevitably no-shows.  It’s how we kept beating the Saints; I don’t see why it wouldn’t work again!

And, again, as with Percy Harvin costing us a chance to extend Golden Tate, I wonder if having Jimmy Graham around cost us a chance to keep Jermaine Kearse around for one more year.  I won’t overreact to his 2-TD day with the Jets yesterday, but I will say that I’d straight up trade Graham for Kearse right now.  Regardless, having Kearse around would’ve been nice considering Tanner McEvoy dropped everything thrown in his direction, including a surefire touchdown that would’ve changed the complexion of the entire game.  Between him, Prosise, and the rest, guys were dropping balls left and right!  Prosise particularly, as Russell led him with a pass that would’ve taken him straight into the endzone on our opening drive.  He also dropped a potential third down conversion later in the game that was a crusher.

It really made Russell Wilson’s day look so much worse.  I’m not going to sit here and say he played great – he definitely had his share of poor throws and poor decisions – but it could’ve been a decent, forgettable performance had he not been greeted by so many drops.  Also, let’s not kid ourselves, he’s still running for his fucking life back there, even when the protection is kinda okay.

But, for the most part, it wasn’t okay.  It’s never GOING to be okay.  Mark Glowinski is a disaster, and he needs to not be starting for this team anymore.  I know Oday Aboushi is just a veteran on a 1-year deal, but I refuse to believe he’s worse.  I think the Seahawks see a guy they drafted, a guy under club control for a bit longer, and they want to shoot for continuity over simply just playing the five best linemen, and I get that to a point.  I think we’re in a no-win situation with Luke Joeckel, because if he turns it around and somehow plays well, he’s going to command a mint on the open market.  If he’s terrible, then he’s likely going to find himself back on the street next offseason, playing for another 1-year prove-it deal (only this time as a clear backup).  Either way, it doesn’t seem likely that he’s a longterm solution for the Seattle Seahawks at left guard.  So, to play two of these types of guys – with Aboushi at right guard – and risk losing both to free agency next year if they both play well, is a lot to handle.

But, I mean, how much more of THIS can we withstand?  Sure, there are a couple of underwhelming defensive fronts the next two weeks with the Titans and Colts, but then it’s right back to getting your ass kicked against the likes of the Rams, Giants, Texans, Cardinals, Falcons, 49ers, Eagles, Jags, Rams again, and the Cardinals again.  That’s 10 of your remaining 14 games against really good defensive fronts that should certainly give this Seattle O-Line fits.  RARE is the game we can look forward to this team being in control of the line of scrimmage.  And, I’m sure, even against those terrible fronts, we’ll still struggle, because of course we will.  No name assholes will make mincemeat out of us, and Russell Wilson will have the bumps and bruises to prove it.

And holy shit, what was THAT on defense?  That’s two years in a row where Carlos Hyde has come into our building and come away with a 100-yard game!  We’re supposed to be this elite defense at stopping the run, and we can’t stop a just-sort-of-okay running back?  He almost single-handedly cost us the game with his explosive plays!  They couldn’t do SHIT aside from his long-distance runs!

But, you know, pobody’s nerfect.  The defense has been outstanding these first two weeks, only to be repeatedly let down by this offense.  Really, since 2012, we’ve been sitting around and daydreaming about a time where the offense finally takes over.  We thought, maybe in 2014, the script would flip.  Then, after that dominant run to close out the 2015 season, we thought YES!  2016 is the year!  And here we are, now in 2017, and this offense is more inept than it’s ever been.  The defense is STILL carrying this team.  And somehow, we’re not greeted with weekly rantings by disgruntled stars on that side of the ball.

You know how I know that pre-season Seth Wickersham article is 100% accurate?  Particularly the parts that talk about the defense being upset with this offense costing the Seahawks ballgames?  Because I’m sitting here watching this team fall all over itself in the running game, and in the red zone, and everywhere else, and I know for a fact I’d be going ballistic if I was a member of this elite defense and I knew every single game was on our shoulders.  We all wanted to dismiss Wickersham – myself included – but this is a real problem, and if we blow another shot at a championship with all these stars in the prime of their careers, I think we’re going to see all the bad vibes start to snowball.

The Huskies Completed A Perfect Non-Conference Schedule

The Huskies jumped out to a 48-7 lead over Fresno State early in the third quarter and cruised to an easy victory, 48-16.

We went 3-0 against a pillowy soft non-conference schedule, beating up on the likes of Rutgers, Montana, and Fresno State by a combined score of 141-37.

Jake Browning was once again ridiculously efficient, hitting 19 of 22 for 255 yards and 4 touchdowns.  The running game didn’t get going all that great, but Myles Gaskin looked good and elusive on his 8 carries for 56 yards and 2 touchdowns.  Dante Pettis was the real star of the show, though.  Of the 5 balls he caught, 3 were for touchdowns (on 92 total yards).  On top of that, he had his third straight game with a punt return, taking over the lead for all-time punt returns in the Pac-12, and tying the overall NCAA record.  That guy is gonna KILL IT at the next level.

Defensively, the Huskies look like the real deal.  They look every bit as good as they did last year, and they also look like they could be even BETTER than they are now.  As the season goes along, this unit could morph into something really special.

But, as has been the case for the last three weeks, there’s nothing really to glean from a win over a crap team like Fresno State.  This Saturday, the first real test takes place, on the road, against a good Colorado team.  Not great, likely not as great as they were last season, but with a lot of the same pieces as last year, and they get the luxury of being at home.  They also have the luxury of being the most difficult team we will have faced this season, so it could be a real Punch To The Mouth situation.  The Huskies just need to withstand the initial storm, settle into a groove and they should be fine.

Make no mistake, this is a game the Huskies very much SHOULD win, and the line (-10) reflects that.  But, it’s no guarantee, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the Dawgs don’t cover that spread.  Ideally, you come away with a victory any way you can get it, don’t get anyone of import injured, and Colorado ends up being on the list of Quality Wins by season’s end.  They have a very reasonable schedule, with a tough road slate, so if they can steal some wins against the likes of UCLA, Wazzu, or USC at home, we could be talking about a ranked team come bowl time.

Now the REAL fun begins.  I’m gonna be in a lather come Saturday night.

Try-Hard Mariners Fall In Game Two, Leaving Playoff Hopes On Life Support

Hit me up if you need kick-ass headline writing like this!  I’m available for parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs …

It’s the weekend and there’s gonna be lots of football to get to in the next couple days, so I’m not going to break my back recapping these defeats to the Astros.  As usual, the bad guys got a quality start out of one of their plethora of aces on staff; the only difference in this loss (by a score of 8-6) is that the Mariners were able to get to their bullpen a little bit and make it interesting in the later innings.  Or, you know, you could just say we gave someone in their ‘pen a free Save Situation and call it a day.

The Quality Start streak for Erasmo Ramirez ends at six.  But, you know, who could blame him?  He just saw the Astros a couple weeks back; it’s not like they weren’t gonna adjust to whatever he was throwing at them the second time around.  I guess the downer about this one is that our own bullpen couldn’t hold things together.  Nick Vincent – on a horrendous fucking run of bad outings (at the worst possible point in the season, I might add) – gave up another couple hits and a run in his inning of work.  And, for some reason, Scott Servais decided to work newcomer Ryan Garton like a fucking dog this month (already 8 appearances in 15 games since being acquired from the Rays).  To his credit, Garton was damn near perfect until today, when he too gave up a couple hits and a run in his inning of work.

So, there’s your ballgame, in other words.  I’ve been harping on it all season:  for the Mariners to make the playoffs, they’d need their offense to hit the shit out of the ball, and they’d need their bullpen to be mostly perfect.  When those two components are lacking in any way, it’s a recipe for disaster.

There’s another one of these fucking things tomorrow morning.  We get another look at Andrew Moore in the rotation.  Should be interesting, considering he’ll be one of many rotation candidates for 2018.  Sad to say we’re already in “Watch For Next Year” mode, but at some point we’ll stop kidding ourselves and point our focus on the AAA guys who might help us out next season.  Here’s to the Blue Jays, later today, beating the Twins and delaying the inevitable!

Mariners Lose To Astros Yet Again As Shit Gets Depressingly Real

With two games to go on the season series, the Mariners are 5-12 against the Astros.  I don’t want to put all the blame on them for the Mariners not making the playoffs this season, but if stupid fucking Major League Baseball had given us Arizona or Colorado instead of the fucking Astros when they realigned their divisions, we might be in the catbird’s seat right now.

Indeed, if you REALLY want to be depressed, you should check out the Mariners’ record against the Astros since they entered the A.L. West back in 2013.  Remember, at that time, the Astros were the very worst team in baseball.  In spite of that, the M’s were only 10-9 against them that first year.  In total, the Mariners are 40-53 in these five seasons, soon to be 40-55.  In that same span, here’s the Mariners’ records against the other A.L. West teams:

  • Anaheim – 44-48
  • Oakland – 56-36
  • Texas – 46-46

I mean, that’s unbelievable, right?  It’s not like the M’s have been all that great in the last five years, but there’s two winning seasons in there, with a chance for a third this year.  The M’s have been okay, but the Astros have had our number every step of the way!

Yesterday was no exception.  James Paxton returned, which was the good news; but he stunk and couldn’t get out of the second inning, which is the bad news.  Yovani Gallardo tried to keep us in the game, but failed as usual, and the Mariners lost 5-2.  Honestly, it felt lucky that the M’s could even manage those two runs.  So much for that hot offense spilling over into this series.

The Twins also lost, which is good I guess, so the Mariners are still 3.5 games back.  They’re going to need to lose a lot more if the Mariners are going to get swept in yet another Astros series.  Don’t forget, yesterday’s game was the only one this series where the Astros didn’t feature a Cy Young-calibre starter, as we’re set to face Keuchel and Verlander today and tomorrow.  Again, I would recommend you find something else to do with your weekend than watch our offense flail for 18 innings.

God fucking dammit I hate baseball.

Having Seen The Seahawks Play, Should We Revise Our Expectations?

In my preview & prediction post ahead of the Seahawks’ week 1 game in Green Bay, I had us going 13-3.  One of those wins I had pegged for us was that very game against the Packers, which obviously didn’t go according to plan.  So, is 13-3 totally off the table?  Are a lot of other things off the table as well?  Let’s dive in real quick.

If the Seahawks lose this week against the 49ers, we’ve got bigger problems than just losing out on the #1 seed in the NFC.  I can’t imagine a world where that happens, so let’s take for granted that the Seahawks will be 1-1 after this weekend.

I’m still concerned about the Titans, but decidedly less so than I was before week 1.  The Raiders were able to move the ball at will against them, both through the air and on the ground.  I don’t see a ton of difficult pass-rushers or interior D-linemen on their roster.  I think if the Seahawks can keep their rushing attack in check, we can force Mariota into enough errors on third down to prevail.  I had the Seahawks 2-1 after three games in my preview, and I think that’s still on the table.

I think the Colts look much worse than advertised, and that Sunday Night game has no business being anything other than a laugher.

Then, there’s that road game against the Rams.  Aaron Donald is predictably back in the fold, and I can’t see any way he doesn’t lay waste to our pathetic offensive line.  The only question being – 5 weeks into the regular season – will our O-Line have improved enough over the first month to at least keep Wilson upright?  Our only hope is that they will have gelled JUST enough to keep the pigs at bay.

After the BYE, it’s a road game against the Giants.  I can no longer, with good conscience, consider this game a win for the Seahawks.  Not with the way their D-Line balls out.  I can’t guarantee a loss either, because with Eli Manning, there’s always a chance.  So, I’ll say this:  the Seahawks will lose one of the two games between the Rams and Giants, and I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if it’s the Rams game we doof once again.

I still like our chances at home against both the Texans and Redskins.  I can’t see a rookie QB coming into CenturyLink Field and withstanding our pressure.  It might be a lot uglier than we’d like, but even a 6-3 victory is still a victory.  As for the Redskins, their defense is hot garbage, and all the Kirk Cousins in the world won’t be able to save them.

So, after 8 games, I have the Seahawks at 6-2, with an outside chance at 5-3 if they lose to both the Giants and Rams.

Kicking off the second half is that Thursday Night game against the Cards.  Carson Palmer still looks bad.  D.J. will miss this game with injury.  The rest of their offensive weapons are pretty suspect outside of the Hall of Famer Larry Fitzgerald.  They also don’t have Calais Campbell in the middle.  I want to call this game a coin flip, but I have to believe we’ll still prevail.

Monday Night against Atlanta becomes a real concern.  I’ll say this:  I’m glad the Seahawks are home for this one.  I could see this one being a huge score-fest, but their D-Line doesn’t totally petrify me.  Close Seahawks victory.

Again, I can’t imagine a world where we lose to the 49ers this year.

Suddenly the Philly game becomes a serious concern.  Their defense is legit.  Unless injuries start to take hold on that side of the ball, it wouldn’t shock me in the slightest to see the Seahawks muff this one.

I would also express some concern about the Jags game.  They’ve poured tons of resources into their defense (what are YOU doing here, Calais Campbell?!).  And, while I know they’ve got massive issues at the quarterback position, I could see them remain dedicated to the run, slow the game to a crawl, and if they make a couple plays here and there on defense, it could be one of those 14-6 games like we saw in Tampa last season.  I’m calling it right now:  the Seahawks WILL lose to either the Eagles or Jags, but definitely not both.

At home against the Rams, I’m marginally confident.  Let’s move on.

On the road against Dallas, again, I think we have to question some things.  While the Cowboys don’t terrify you on defense, I think they’re just good enough on offense to keep moving the chains.  By then, they should have their Ezekiel Elliott situation settled one way or the other (either he’ll play out the entirety of 2017, or he will have already had his suspension completed), and I’m a big Dak believer.  I’m notching this one in the L column just to be safe.

Finally, home against the Cards, with them having nothing to play for, is a recipe for success if I’ve ever heard one.

That puts us at 12-4, or maybe 11-5.  That most certainly keeps us out of the #1 seed and might even dump us into Wild Card weekend.  Losing games to Packers, Giants, and Cowboys could be just the tie-breakers to torpedo this season once again.

It’s not enough to just win the games you’re SUPPOSED to win.  You need to steal some wins against legit contenders!  4-0 against the AFC is about as useless as it gets when you lose 4-5 games against the NFC.  So, I hope I’m wrong, and the Seahawks still figure out a way to get to 13 wins.  Otherwise, it’ll all be as pointless as it was in 2016.