You Get What You Pay For @ Safeco Field

As I get a little bit older, I realize the old cliche is very true: You Get What You Pay For.

For instance, if you’re willing to pay a little more, then you don’t have to live in a shit-hole part of town; instead, you can live closer to your work where you won’t need a bus pass.

Or, if you’re willing to pay a little more, then you don’t have to belong to a shit-hole gym where it’s impossible to find an open bench on Mondays or any weekday between the peak hours of 5pm and 9pm; instead, you can belong to a nice gym, where everything is clean and EVERY hour of EVERY day looks like it’s 11am on a Thursday with regards to the non-crowd of people working out.

These are just two examples, there are obviously thousands more. Pay a little more for headphones and they won’t break within a year’s purchase even though you baby them like they’re made by Faberge.

Of course, what I’m getting to is the Mariners game I went to last Friday. We were seated in Section 328, which is way up behind Home Plate. As seats, they weren’t bad. I really don’t mind sitting up high, nor do I mind being behind home. Gives a good view of the entire game, even if it fucks with your depth perception and makes it tough to yell at the Ump since you can’t tell if it’s a strike or not. So, no, the seats themselves weren’t bad.

But, it’s the fucking people! My GOD. Fortunately, this time I wasn’t surrounded by a bunch of families with small children around whom I’m forced to Watch What I Say. Yes, there was one family with two small girls in the row in front of us, but they seemed pretty cool. Plus, the Mariners were kicking ass for most of the game, so I had nothing to really swear about.

Even in the absence of children, as a fan you’re by no means out of the woods. Because in the rows in front of us – as I should have expected – there were countless people NOT there to watch a baseball game. No, in fact, they were just there to drink and talk to friends and STAND, in your line of sight, for minutes at a time while you crane your neck from side to side to catch a glimpse of the next pitch. Standing in the way, waving their arms at friends in other sections, on their phones and waving their arms at friends in other sections, standing in the way on their phones and waving their arms at friends in other sections …

No jury would have convicted me.

I just kept looking down at all the people in the 100-level. THOSE people were there to watch a motherfucking baseball game. THOSE people, who paid a little bit more money, didn’t have to deal with the collosal douchebags in the 300-level. That’s when it hit me: you pay more money … so you DON’T have to deal with people trying to start The Wave while you’re trying to watch a game.

One other thing I noticed: I will NEVER go to a baseball game as a husband if I have to also take along my wife and two small children. I’m not saying the family in front of us was annoying; the kids were actually pretty reasonable. But the dad and the mom were alternately up and down, taking their kids to get hats and t-shirts, or hot dogs and soda, or chocolate-covered strawberries on a stick, or to the bathroom … seemingly every inning. One time the mom would take both kids down; then the other time Dad would take them down. He ended up spending more money on this day than I could possibly imagine; how was that a good time or in the least bit memorable? By the fifth inning they looked exhausted and fed up; by the seventh inning they were gone, and I don’t think that had one thing to do with the fact that the Mariners were up by so many runs. I think they just wanted to get the fuck out of there because the children had so demoralized them.

Man, on the one hand, I guess I understand the point to having kids. Once you’ve taken your life as far as it’ll go with your job and your love life, you want to spawn something to bestow all your knowledge and wisdom upon, in hopes that they’ll improve on what you’ve already laid as a solid foundation. On the other hand, though, I just envision working 40 hours a week, then going home and working another 80 hours a week! Does the fun ever START?

As for a proper M’s Weekend recap:

We did what we needed to do with the first six home games: 4-2, after a loss yesterday afternoon in a game we had no business even being within 2 runs of. It was nice to see us chase Verlander on Saturday. Now, we’ve got 3 games vs. Baltimore – who is one of the worst teams in baseball right now. We should probably sweep; anything less than 2-1 is a major fuck-up on our part. We’re 6-7 and in OK shape, but we’ve got to finish the month on a high note against inferior opponents.

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