A Paragraph With The Mariners – 61

Vargas: the more that man wins, the more I like that man! Of course, you can say that about anyone, but it’s the WAY Vargas is winning. He was straight dealing last night, homey. Those Cubs hitters where aggressively whiffing over the top of my man’s change … it’s a good thing he kept it down. I have a feeling Ryan Rowland-Smith would get brutalized in this series were he pitching. By the way, don’t look now, but I haven’t X’ed a loss on my little Mariners mini-schedule since last Tuesday. YES, there were two off-days thrown into the mix, but GOD-DAMMIT can’t you let me just have this one? Can’t you let me be happy for two minutes??? I mean hot-damn, we’re 10-10 this month! That’s damn-near 50% of our games ending in wins for good ol’ June! If we can just keep this up, by gar maybe we won’t lose 100 games this year … also of note: the Cubs have a payroll of over $140 million (dollars!) and that’s good for a 31-39 record (3rd place and 8 games back in the NL Central), so I don’t feel quite so bad about this year’s underachieving Mariners squad. And finally, Carlos Fat-Fuck Silva was supposed to make the start in Thursday’s game, but his vagina started to leak this warm yellow liquid as the team plane landed at SeaTac, so he’s been pushed back to a different series where he probably won’t suck dick. Because while Safeco Field turns guys like Jason Vargas into world-beaters, it’s Silva Kryptonite for some ungodly reason. I can’t believe we’re still paying half that fuck’s salary and he won’t even get massacred by us! No justice, no peace.

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