A Paragraph With The Mariners – 77

If it weren’t, like, 112 degrees out in Seattle, I’d say “It’s beginning to feel a lot like May.” 1-7 to start the month, including 0-4 on this current 7-game homestand to lead into The Break. Stupid June. Stupid winning month of June. Why you gotta be so cruel and tempt me with thoughts of … competent baseball? Now, I don’t wanna just sit here and rag on the bullpen all month (especially since, fuck, it’s not kosher to expect a team to win games 1-0 all the time), but JESUS H. CHRIST! Look, I was never a big believer in David Aardsma; I mean, there’s a REASON why I was on the edge of my seat every time he came into the ballgame with a 1-run lead in the 9th inning last year. All he does is throw hard, straight, 95mph heat right down the middle, thigh high. And he doesn’t even have the decency of having a cool name like Jose Mesa! The fucking piece of shit doesn’t have a secondary pitch, let alone a secondary pitch so good it could be called an Out Pitch. His … whatever you want to call it (curve? split? change?) is like a fucking wounded dog stumbling into a pile of bear shit; at least Kaz Sasaki had elegance. When I think back to that master of disaster’s forkball, it brings a tear to my eye (if only he had a fastball above league average). All that aside, Aardsma DID pull out a pretty amazing year last year (2.52 ERA, 38 saves, only 4 blown saves, 80 strike outs in 71.1 innings), but by all accounts of people much smarter than me, Aardsma’s 2009 was immensely lucky. Like how he only gave up 4 home runs instead of 40, with the flyball rate he had. Those same People Much Smarter Than Me had him regressing to his own personal norms – maybe not quite as flagrantly – but look at where we’re at. His 2010: 5.60 ERA, 25 hits & 27 strike outs in 27.1 innings; his 2008 (with Boston): 5.55 ERA, 49 hits & 49 strike outs in 48.2 innings. For the record, in those 71.1 innings in 2009, Aardsma gave up the same number of hits that he did in 2008. This is who he is. Aardsma was never going to be our Closer Of The Future (seems we’ve traded most of those candidates away), but I was just hoping he could hold the fort for another year or two. Maybe he wouldn’t be in the 2.52 ERA range, but a guy could dream for something in the 3’s, right? Where’s J.J. Putz when you need him?

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