Player Profile: Left Tackle

Will the guy who starts the most games at left tackle be someone named Tyler Polumbus?

You Big Freak Of Nature!

The title of this was SUPPOSED to read, “Player Profile:  Russell Okung”, but how the hell am I going to profile someone I haven’t seen play in three weeks?  As it stands, you can’t very well be pancaking many guys when you’ve got a bum wheel, now can you?

So, here’s our depth chart at left tackle assuming everyone’s healthy:

  1. Rookie Okung
  2. Mansfield Wrotto
  3. Tyler Polumbus

Who’s Mansfield Wrotto you ask?  Exactly.  He’s a guy they have to surgically attach a tight end to just to be a functional human being on the O-Line.

But, who’s this Tyler Polumbus fella?  This guy sounds just delightful!

Well, I’ll tell ya, he’s 6’8, 300 pounds of prime USDA Man Meat.  In the league now for his third year out of Colorado, Tyler Polumbus was recently waived by the Denver Broncos and claimed by the Detroit Lions.  I think just to spite us for hoodwinking them into taking Rob Sims, I can’t be positive.  Anyway, we wanted him, and durn-it we made sure we got him!

I’m not gonna lie to you, give him a bat and a baseball helmet and he’s Bucky Jacobsen 2.0!  That’s how special I think this talent will be.

Anyway, I guess we’re supposed to like Polumbus because his name sounds like Columbus he played in 15 games for the Broncos last year (unfortunately, I don’t know where you can go to get his Pancake stats … unless there’s some IHop Wall of Fame or something) and I guess because the Broncos still(?) use the zone blocking scheme we are adopting now, so he should fit right in.  I guess.  All I know is:  6 foot 8?  Are you kidding me?  This guy’s like Andre the Giant!

Get well soon, Okung.  God dammit get well soon!

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