I Heart Tom Cable

This is what I’m talking about when I say I want a little more nastiness to come from my offensive line.  We need more alleged wife-beaters on our coaching staff!  Or maybe not alleged, I don’t know, I don’t read newspapers.  All I know is he probably punched another coach in the puss, and by golly that’s all right with me!

SOMEONE needs to beat these women on our offensive line into shape!  Whether they “fall down the stairs” or “run into a doorknob with their faces”, one thing is clear:  bitch-slapping these blockers into respectful human beings is the name of the game.

This could be really good for us.  I mean, look at how the Raiders have run the ball the last few years; they’ve been outstanding!  And, if maybe this leads to one or two Raider free agents to come over with their erstwhile head coach – one or two being left guard Robert Gallery and cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha – I might just get on my knees and suck Tom Cable’s dick right then and there.

Can you even imagine our team with Gallery and Asomugha?  Left guard should be priority number one at this point, to solidify that side of our line for the next four or five years.  And cornerback is priority 1-A considering the junk we’ve been playing with for Christ knows how long now.  We NEED those two.  Those two give us an extra two wins all by themselves!  Gallery settles our offense and makes it more balanced; Asomugha locks down the other team’s best receiver and makes our defensive line look spectacular!

I promise to even learn how to spell Nnamdi Asomugha’s name if he comes to Seattle!

I don’t even care who we bring on as offensive coordinator now, thanks to Tom Cable.  I guess this guy Darrell Bevell is at the top of our list.  Another West Coast Offense guy, who worked under Brad Childress (who worked under Andy Reid, who worked under Mike Holmgren, who worked under Bill Walsh); let’s just hope Bevell doesn’t have Brad Childress’s penchant for choking in the big moments and looking the fool all the while.

Of course, if we start to see that happen, we’ve always got Tom Cable to beat that shit right out of him.

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