Milton Bradley Is A Jackass

This man is single-handedly ruining my life.  There’s no other way to explain it.  We are SO fucking crippled by his contract, it’s fucking unbelievable.  I don’t know who’s fucking stupider:  the Cubs for giving him this rediculous correctly-spelled contract, or the Mariners for trading for this rediculous grammar-conscious player.

$12 million.  That’s how much money he’s making in 2011.  Do you know what this team could do with $12 million?

Or, for that matter, $11 million?  Because that’s what we had to pay him last year.  Do you know what we got for our $11 million investment?  73 games of a .205 batting average before he was shut down for being a douche and/or being injured.  That’s 8 home runs, 9 doubles, 29 RBI, and a .641 OPS.  All numbers significantly down compared to his career norms.  But, given that this is his second straight year of underachieving, I’d have to say this is actually Milton Bradley achieving.  This is who he is.

A franchise-crippling salary with a combustable personality who can’t play the game of baseball.

THIS is why Major League Baseball needs to adopt the NFL pay structure.  Do you know why people get fed up with baseball?  Because if you’re not one of the teams who’s willing to spend an outrageous amount of money, then you’re forced to watch the same crap year-in and year-out.  Bad players you’ve overpaid and can’t get rid of; followed by the manager and GM getting fired; followed by the new regime coming in; followed by continued losing as they try to make it through until the bad contracts expire; followed by panic signings in down free agent markets; repeat.  It’s an endless cycle the Mariners have been in since 2004.  It’s the reason we’ve continually churned through management every two years.  Fan unrest.

Now, if this were the NFL, then all contracts would be based on signing bonuses.  If this were the NFL, you would easily be able to cut an underperforming player with little-to-no financial hit to your organization.  You don’t see NFL teams stuck with the football-equivalent of Milton Bradley or Carlos Silva or Richie Sexson.  Once an NFL player loses his step, he’s cut and never heard from again.

So it should be in baseball.  Guaranteed contracts sure sound good to the populist in me; you like to see the workin’ man get a fair shake.  Except when that workin’ man is a multi-fucking-millionaire.  Then I’m ALL ABOUT the corporate enterprise.  Guaranteed contracts are the scourge of Major League Baseball and if they’re not eliminated, don’t be surprised if you see more hockey fans in 50 years than you do baseball fans.

People are tired of watching bullshit players like Milton Bradley get paid $12 million so they can suck dick for 3/4 of a year!  Baseball is already a boring-enough sport as it is.  Its season is too long, its games are too long, and by the time the post season comes around nobody gives a shit anymore.  The least the league could do is allow teams the financial ability to rid themselves of unpopular, selfish-ass players like Milton Bradley.

Or, at the very least, let teams release them when they make threatening comments to their girlfriends and get arrested!  Christ!  WILL THIS BILL BAVASI NIGHTMARE NEVER END?

3 thoughts on “Milton Bradley Is A Jackass

  1. You make a good point, but the whole time I was reading I was focused on the way you spelled ridiculous (twice!) in the first paragraph.

  2. Pingback: Making Baseball Better, Part II: The Major Leagues | Seattle Sports Hell

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