Miguel Olivo Sucks

I’ll never say it as well as USS Mariner, so just read that link.  And, if you want, stick around for my two cents.

Miguel Olivo is just the biggest, most worthless piece of shit I’ve seen since the last two seasons of Chone Figgins.  In my ongoing series of “So-And-So Sucks“, no one is more worthy of the designation than our starting catcher.

Why do we have John Jaso if we’re not going to play him?  Of course, it should be pointed out that Jaso is actually getting a start tonight.  Of course, it should be pointed out that he’s starting at DH, because who the fuck knows?  I understand you’ve got to give Montero SOME experience behind the plate calling a game, but seriously, why the fuck do we have Jaso if we’re not going to play him AT CATCHER?

Here’s a newsflash, Eric Wedge, John Jaso is not a Designated Hitter.  If you gave him enough at bats at the position to qualify, I guarantee you he’d be the worst Designated Hitter in all of baseball.  Why not give HIM the start at catcher and continue bringing along Montero slowly as our DH?

And then going forward, CONTINUE giving Jaso the starts, with Miguel Olivo on the bench.  Because seriously, he’s a pile of shit.  You want a microcosm of just about every at bat Olivo has ever had?  Take a look at his appearance in the 5th inning last night.

Obviously, the Mariners weren’t getting anything against Neftali Feliz last night, but at the time it was still a 1-0 game.  If we could’ve strung together a couple hits, gotten some runners on base (runners:  plural), maybe we could’ve flustered him a bit.  You never know.  Anyway, Jesus Montero led off with a single to left.  Michael Saunders popped out to third.  With one on and one out, Olivo walked into the batter’s box.

The first pitch to Olivo was a ball low and inside.  The second pitch was another ball, up and away.  Right off the bat, we know two things.  #1 – Miguel Olivo is ahead in the count, which means that he should get a good pitch to hit because no pitcher wants to go 3-0 in the count.  #2 – Holy Crap!  Miguel Olivo is ahead in the count!  I can’t believe he’s shown even THIS modicum of patience at the plate!

I’ll pause here to say:  I think Miguel Olivo decides ahead of time what he’s going to do in any given at bat.  In this case, he got it into his head that he was going to keep taking pitches no matter what until he saw a strike.  He might as well have just gone up there with his eyes closed!  That’s pretty much what he does anyway, in every other plate appearance!

Anyway, pitch number three comes and it’s a strike right in the middle of the plate.  If there was EVER a time for a hacker like Olivo to be aggressive, it was on a 2-0 count against a pitcher making his first-ever start.  The pitch was middle-in!  Olivo is a dead-pull hitter!  They were playing at The Ballpark in Arlington!  That was THE opportunity!

Pitch number four was, of course, a change up in the center of the plate, just above the knees.  Pitch number four was, of course, a swinging strike.  Olivo The Fucking Moron squandered his only chance in this at bat and now the count was even.

Except, not so fast, because pitch number five was another fastball!  It caught a whole bunch of the plate, middle-away, but since this Miguel Olivo, this pitch was fouled off.  Pitch number six was a ball away, since Feliz and every other pitcher in the universe knows Olivo has a tendency to swing at whatever mess is thrown off the plate (let’s just say it was a smart risk, letting the count run full).

That brings us to pitch number seven.  Another changeup smack dab in the middle of the plate.  You couldn’t ask for a greater meatball to pound out of the yard.  And, of course, Olivo swung right over the top of it.  Because he’s Miguel Olivo and he’s a piece of shit.

He’s not worth the three good weeks a year where he pounds as many homers as he strikes out.  Because, for the rest of the season, he’s just about the worst player I’ve ever seen.

If this Mariners team knew what was good for it, they’d cut his ass right now.  You don’t need Jesus Montero learning tricks of the trade from a catcher who can’t catch and a hitter who can’t get on base.

Please, John Jaso, go 3 for 4 with a double and a couple runs batted in tonight!  Force Wedge’s hand!  Don’t saddle me with this fucking loser all season!

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