Only In Seattle Would Elected Officials Reject A Sweet Deal Like Chris Hansen’s

Sometimes … I really hate this city.

The weather is crap from October through June.  The traffic is absolutely abysmal.  The roads (particularly in Capitol Hill & South Lake Union) are killing my car’s suspension.  I’m telling you, if just about all of my family and friends didn’t live in the area, I would move back to NYC in a heartbeat!

And when we talk about sports, well, the hits just keep on coming.  All the losing!  The fact that we can’t bring in free agents because no one wants to live here!  And most maddening of them all:  the fans REALLY don’t give much of a shit whether we win or lose, just as long as our teams had a good time.  We’re the Special Olympics of sports cities and it makes me sick on a continual basis.

Obviously, this extends to the local government.  City & State elected officials don’t give two shits about sports in this town.  They represent the absolute worst this state has to offer:  stuffy, elite pricks and cunts who spend the majority of their time in office sniffing their own farts all day.

In spite of my better judgment of not getting my hopes up for the return of the NBA to Seattle, I find myself slowly getting my hopes up with each passing day.  With each milestone passed on the timeline of my dreams.  Right now, it’s all in the hands of the Seattle City Council.  And I couldn’t be more depressed.

I don’t follow local politics, so I have no idea which of these fucks were around in 2008 when our Sonics were allowed to flee this sinking ship of a city, so when I say “These People” just know I mean “This Collective of Individuals Known As The Seattle City Council”.

How can we, in our right minds, have faith in these people to do the right thing when they were so completely corrupt and inept in 2008?  This Chris Hansen deal is a fucking PEACH!  And you know as well as I that these people are going to railroad this thing into dust!

No New Taxes.  Right there, that should be enough.  I know you non sports people are enraged by how the Seahawks and Mariners fleeced this state for their new stadia, but this isn’t that!  The city is getting its money back!  For Christ’s sake!

Project Is Self-Financed.  In other words, no NBA, no NHL:  no arena, and no public funding in the first place.  The city gets reimbursed only by funds generated by the arena.

Minimal Effect On Area Traffic.  Yeah, because traffic in SoDo is already fucked anyway.  But, you know what’s not in SoDo?  Housing.  People don’t live there, so right away we’re talking about a HUGE assist.  You know what’s a pain in the ass?  Having a huge construction project in a residential area.  You know what else is a huge pain in the ass?  Having a shit-ton of cars clogging the streets of a residential area.  Key Arena is in a residential area; it’s a TERRIBLE place to have an arena!  Believe me, I live a few short minutes away.  Traffic is terrible there NOW and there’s nothing going on!  I shudder to imagine what it would be like on game nights.  SoDo, on the other hand, is a desolate wasteland.  If it inconveniences a few port workers, so be it.  Except, of course, it won’t inconvenience them any more than they’re inconvenienced now, so they can fuck off.

Don’t fuck this up, Seattle City Council.  I don’t know what else someone would have to do to make this more perfect.  Just pull your heads out of your asses and pass the fucking thing!

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