Is Hector Noesi A Moron?

To make it to the Major Leagues, one would figure you’d have to have considerable talent.  That’s just a given.  You’re the best of the best of the best of the BEST there is, alive, in the world today.  And until someone comes along who’s even better than you, you’re going to get your shot to prove that you belong for the long haul.

So, it’s not like I’m sitting here today doubting Hector Noesi’s STUFF.  God bless him and his STUFF; by golly, he’s got some of the best STUFF in the entire world!

But, here’s the deal.  I sit here and say the guy can’t control his pitches, that he has no idea where they are going to end up once they leave his hand, except that’s totally wrong on my part.  Obviously, if the guy is in the Major Leagues, he’s got to have SOME kind of notion of what command is.  He’s not just hucking balls over the catcher or into the camera well.  He’s on the mound, he’s throwing towards the plate, and he gets a good amount of strikes even though he has this funky delivery with all kinds of ball movement.  The numbers are there!  All the Noesi Defenders will point them out to you until you’re green in the face!  With pallid, sunken cheeks, wiping dribbled vomit from your mouth.

So, when the guy gets in an 0-2 count, he’s just doing what he’s done his whole life – he’s doing what’s managed to get him this far in his life, as one of the very best pitchers in the entire world – he’s throwing strikes.  Big, fat, juicy strikes in the very center of the plate!

I mean, seriously, take every man, woman, and child in the entire world, put them on a mound 10 inches high, 60 feet 6 inches from home plate, and let’s just see how many of them can throw a baseball for a strike on a regular basis.  Close your eyes and just think about all of the Ceremonial First Pitches you’ve seen at a baseball game … think about how many of those didn’t come anywhere CLOSE to being a strike.  Now, think about everyone in the world.  Fat, uncoordinated, impossibly old, impossibly young … Hector Noesi really is one of the BEST in the entire world!

We know the guy can pitch, in other words.  It’s who he is.  So, when we rule that out, the only other option is:  the guy is a fucking MORON!

It’s an 0-2 count!  You KNOW what you have to do!  It’s been brought up every five days since you came to Seattle!  When you’re ahead in the count like that, STOP throwing the ball right down the heart of the plate!  You even have a catcher there, vigorously reminding you by slamming his glove towards the ground:  GET THE BALL DOWN, STUPID!

And yet, for whatever reason, the message leaves his brain, but it doesn’t reach his super-coordinated limbs.  It just dissipates into the air like a fart in the wind.  “Duh, 0-2 count, better keep the ball out of the strike zone!  Oop!  There it goes again!  Aww, shoot, another double!  Welp, guess I’ll have to do better next time!  Derp-a-derp-a-derp!”

The galling thing is, the guy has options.  I just don’t see how this team can afford to keep him in Seattle, when he SO obviously needs to fix his shit in Triple-A.  Of course, there’s the age-old question of:  who do you bring up in his place?  Well, Christ, give Blake Beavan another start down there and yank him back up!  The microscope is only going to shine brighter upon Noesi the more he produces results like last night’s.  Granted, the Seattle Microscope isn’t anything like the New York or Boston Microscopes, but still.  I hope you like the sound of your home fans booing their asses off, because I don’t think Mariners fans can tolerate much more of this guy doing what he does.  For his own sanity, it’s time to put him down, let him get his head straight, and figure out how to throw good close-out pitches.

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