Marshawn Lynch Drove Drunk & I Don’t Give A Shit

Well, I guess I kind of give a shit.  But, not enough of a shit to make a huge deal out of this whole thing.

Is it stupid?  Of course it’s stupid.  I’ve said that about every professional athlete making millions of dollars:  why in the FUCK don’t you have a driver?  You’re obviously wealthy, you’re obviously popular, you’re telling me you don’t have an old high school friend who could use $100,000 per year just to be your driver?  Here, how about this:  I will be your driver.  Pay me $100,000 per year, Marshawn Lynch, and I will drive whatever car you want.  I will be on call at every hour of every day.  I will go to whatever city you’re in and just wait for you to let me know you need to be driven somewhere.  You can pick out my clothes, you can make me wear a wig, you can even make me wear a grill for my teeth.  I will literally be open to whatever you want outside of sex with men, just so long as you pay me $100,000 per year and stop getting your ass arrested.

That all having been said, people need to calm the fuck down.  A.  he didn’t kill anyone.  I know that’s no excuse, but you know what?  I don’t care.  No one I’ve ever known or loved has died at the hands of a drunk driver, so I have no frame of reference here.  He didn’t kill anyone, that’s the bottom line.

Also, losing Beastmode for however many games isn’t going to be the end of the world.  Our season isn’t over because Marshawn Lynch is going to be suspended during our most brutal stretch of schedule.  The fact of the matter is, with Tom Cable’s zone blocking scheme, literally any running back can be inserted into the running game and be effective.  That’s the whole point of having Tom Cable as your line coach.  He makes it so it doesn’t matter who’s blocking or who’s handling the rock.  Guns Turbin will be able to pick up the slack just fine.  RELAX.

You know why Beastmode was so important to this offense last year?  Because he was the only guy on this team who was worth a damn on offense!  This year, and every year after, we’re going as far as Matt Flynn takes us.  Having a guy like Beastmode is a nice little bonus (like Shaun Alexander was for Matt Hasselbeck), but it doesn’t matter what your scheme is or who you’ve got at the other skill positions, your offense and your team is only going as far as your quarterback takes you.  End of discussion.

And, as for people saying Lynch was a risky signing, or that we should regret ever trading for him in the first place, they just need to shut the fuck up.  No one is going to remember this when, at season’s end, Lynch finishes with over 1,000 yards rushing and 8+ touchdowns.  No, the Bills did not “win” the trade with the Seahawks.  Unless those draft picks reach the Hall of Fame, in my book, they’ve already lost.  That last half season’s worth of production last year would force those draft picks to be starters at best, and they’ve yet to prove anything on the field.

Lynch is who he is.  He’s going to be who he is whether or not he’s on the field or off.  He’s a hard-nosed, bad-ass dude from the streets who doesn’t need to apologize for a damn thing as long as – whenever he’s allowed back on the field – he continues kicking ass and taking names.

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