Bunch of hilarious fucking dudes out in newspaperland, writing blogs, and on the sports-talk radio this week. Ding dong, the witch is dead and all that! Hardy har, Chone Figgins is gone from our lives forever! Woooo!
I, for one, don’t find this the least bit funny. Chone Figgins has been a fucking disaster since the moment he stepped foot in a Mariners uniform and the whole scenario is a fucking disgrace. We just wasted $36 million for a guy who actively made this team worse than if we would’ve had ANY triple-A guy. Three fucking years we had this fuck, dragging us to the lowest of lows! And now we have to pay $8 million more dollars – the remainder of his final-year salary – just to watch him go away.
Woo, yeah! Let’s throw a fucking party! Let’s whoop it up for the guy who was the very worst baseball player for the past three seasons! Let’s drink champagne for getting rid of the guy who gets to live out the rest of his days as a multi-millionaire after being a do-nothing cunt on our favorite baseball team!
I’m not rejoicing. I’m fucking angry and resentful. As angry and resentful as I’ve been for the past three years thanks to this fucking guy. Fuck Chone Figgins. Enjoy your life of fucking luxury you twat! If baseball players were paid according to their present value as opposed to their past value, you would owe the Mariners a LOT of money. You would owe the fans of Seattle a LOT of their precious time. At the very least, anyone idiotic enough to buy your jersey should get a full refund.
Fuck it. Happy Thanksgiving. God, God damn it.