Jesus Montero Is A Scumbag Piece Of Shit

Now, before I go on and get people on their high horses, labelling me a chickenshit anonymous blogger who lives in his mother’s basement with a Real Doll as his common-law wife, let me set a couple things straight.  First and foremost, I apply my real name to every one of these posts and I have since I started this website.  Second, if in some alternate universe, I happened to run into Jesus Montero and he asked me my opinion of him (because I like to think I’d have enough tact to not spout my two cents unsolicited), I would willingly and to-his-face tell him that I think he’s a scumbag piece of shit.  Also, you could do A LOT worse than my mom’s basement, and Madeline knows we’re just casually dating and we’re both free to see other people SO LAY OFF!

After last week’s total meltdown in Boston, I’ve kept my life mostly Mariners-free.  I didn’t watch any games (except for a snippet here and there in a bar on Friday), I didn’t listen to any games, I ignored sports radio talk of the Mariners, and I didn’t read (or write) one word after that post on Thursday morning.  To be quite honest, it’s been the best few days of my life.  At the end of each night, I might check out the box score, but that was pretty much it.  I was going to see how long I could go without writing about them (and, if I played my cards right, it could’ve been the whole month), but then this Biogenesis thing came down today and I didn’t really have a choice.

To be fair, even before his 50-game suspension was administered, Montero was on my mind.  This hasn’t been a great year for the kid.  But, any anger I might have had for him was pretty much washed away in an Out-of-Sight, Out-of-Mind kind of deal.  He was demoted, he was relieved of any and all catching duties, Zunino was eventually called up and had shown MUCH more promise as a prospect than Montero ever did as a Mariner, while Montero tore his meniscus and apparently has since returned to play for Tacoma until today.

Now, I’m no hypocrite (at least, not on this issue).  I don’t think Jesus Montero is a scumbag piece of shit because he’s a cheater.  I spent the better part of 20 agonizing minutes on Saturday night’s podcast blathering on about how I don’t care about cheating in sports.  As long as you help my team win.  And, that’s the key.  A cheater who – as a baseline – is a good player, who then cheats and makes himself into a superstar, is a guy I will tend to forgive, because he helped my team win, and I know when he comes back he’ll still likely be good.  But, a cheater who is crap, who then cheats to become slightly better (but not really) crap, is a scumbag, a piece of shit, and I hate him.

He flamed out as a catcher.  Okay, fine, whatever.  We kind of all expected that.  Maybe not this early, but we knew it was coming down the pike.

Media members have hinted at a lack of a work ethic.  I find this compelling and entirely believable because media members can’t just go around calling out the players like that, unless they want to risk their careers by not being able to get any quotes or interviews from the team.  A beat writer is essentially useless if the team won’t let them do their jobs.  So, if they are even HINTING at a lack of work ethic, then I’m willing to bet it’s a lot worse than that, and that there are a ton of things they’re not telling us.

He was sent down to Tacoma where he proceeded to bat .247 with 1 homer and 24 strikeouts in 19 games.  I mean, bash Dustin Ackley all you want, but at least he has proven he’s mastered Triple-A.  Montero – after batting .208 with a grand total of five extra-base hits in 29 games in the Majors – was demoted and hardly improved at all!  I mean, how low are we going to have to put him before he’ll prove he’s capable of not totally sucking dick?

Now this.  Now, a 50-game ban, effectively ending his 2013.  We won’t get a chance to see if he’s a part of our future at DH, nor will he get a chance to improve his trade stock for a possible off-season deal.  Given the fact that he was demoted from catching, it’s not like his value was all that high regardless, but now that this has happened, his value is essentially zero.

He’s a terrible catcher + he was probably only good because of steroids + he can’t hit + he’s been banned for the rest of the season + we’re stuck with him because no one will give us anything for him = Fuck Jesus Montero, You Weaselly Fucking Bitch.

One more thing we get to hate A-Rod for, I guess.  I mean, he’s the one who introduced Montero to those Biogenesis people; it’s plain to see.  Montero was a prospect for the Yankees, A-Rod was a cheating fuckface for the Yankees, their paths crossed during an A-Rod rehab assignment … DO THE MATH!  We wasted a perfectly good trade chip in Michael Pineda on Jesus Montero.  I might kill myself if I ever find out who we passed on trading for to settle for Montero.

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