Mariners Trade Stephen Pryor For Kendrys Morales

You know, I really don’t understand these fucking people who don’t like the trade for Kendrys Morales.  Let’s look at the deal in a vacuum:  who did we give up and who did we get?

Well, we gave up a relief pitcher.  A relief pitcher coming off of lat surgery.  A relief pitcher whose fastball has lost anywhere from 6-8 miles per hour.  A relief pitcher who wasn’t even in the big leagues!

If you look at the hierarchy of young relievers on rookie deals in the Mariners organization, I think you’d start with the guys currently in the Majors.  Brandon Maurer, right now, has the highest upside – though he’s been a reliever for a very short time.  Dom Leone has a lot of upside as well.  You’ve got Farquhar, who could be closing games right this second, if Fernando Rodney wasn’t here.  Wilhelmsen and Medina sort of round things out.  All have been very good in their relief roles, which is why all of them are with the Mariners right now.

AND WE DIDN’T HAVE TO GIVE UP ANY OF THEM!

I’ve kind of had this feeling for a while – and I think many others have as well – that Brandon Maurer could be a really solid trade chip.  A throw-in to sweeten a deal to bring back a hitter.  Right now, of all the players I worry about the Mariners trading (of all the players the Mariners would conceivably trade, so in other words, excluding Felix and anyone else who’s currently All Star calibre), Maurer is probably number 2 on that list behind D.J. Peterson.  I legit think Maurer can be a closer in this league.  Not only that, I think he can be one of the BEST closers.  With that live fastball, and with his command of the slider and changeup, the sky is the limit.  And, after next year, when Rodney’s contract expires, look who we’ll have to slide right in there, into that closer role!

We didn’t have to give up Maurer or anyone else on our big league club to bring in Morales.  We gave up a guy coming back from a pretty serious surgery, who may never again regain his fastball.  Without that fastball, Stephen Pryor is about as valuable as I would be to your pitching staff, and I’m barely scraping 60mph on the gun at Safeco!

Any reasonable person couldn’t POSSIBLY be mad with what we gave up.  Yes, there’s a CHANCE that Pryor regains his form, but there’s also a chance they name me the next Queen of fucking England.  Anything can happen, quit letting your opinion be swayed by fucking hypotheticals!

What we got in return is a guy we’re all pretty familiar with.  Maybe that’s the issue.  Maybe people are more turned on by the unknown.  Like Josh Willingham, for instance.  Some dude who sucks in the outfield, who strikes out a lot, and who’s barely over .200.  Forgive me if I don’t share your enthusiasm for yet another aging, lanky white power bat whose best days are CLEARLY behind him.

FUCK JOSH WILLINGHAM!  I’ll take Kendrys Morales any fucking day over Josh Willingham!

And you want to know why?  It’s not because Morales provides any value defensively or on the basepaths (he doesn’t).  He’s a DH, plain and simple; it’s criminal to play him in the field, because you’d risk re-injuring him again.  No, I want Kendrys Morales here for one simple reason:  he can hit at Safeco Field.

Shove your small sample sizes RIGHT UP YOUR ASS!  I don’t want to hear it!  Last year, he batted .277/.336/.449.  I know those aren’t the best numbers ever, but for this team, they’re pretty fucking good.  They’re a SHITLOAD better than Corey Hart, for what it’s worth.  Corey Hart who’s currently batting .214/.295/.332.  Fuck Hart’s prior production, because this is what he’s doing now, and there’s no guarantee that his numbers are going to regress back up to where he’s been in his career.  Sometimes, people are just done, and there’s nothing to regress back to.  Corey Hart is done and that’s that.

And, I know what you’re thinking:  look at Morales’ numbers this year.  Fine.  They’re not good.  But, don’t forget that tonight’s game will be only his 40th of the season (and don’t be so selective; if you want to look at Hart’s prior production at the plate, you MUST look at Morales, who actually PLAYED THE GAME OF BASEBALL IN 2013).  Don’t forget that Morales is just coming off of a 12-game hitting streak, featuring six doubles in the last two weeks.  Corey Hart has exactly 2 doubles since his return from the DL.  HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR YOU TO GET YOUR TIMING BACK?  You’re a fucking baseball player!  Most good players come back from the DL and hit the ground running.  Corey Hart is a wheezing fucking gasbag.

I fully expect Kendrys Morales’ numbers to improve dramatically.  Getting back to my point before, you want to see his numbers in Safeco Field?

In 117 games, across 473 plate appearances, he’s got:  .287/.340/.498 with 35 doubles, 19 homers, with only 79 strikeouts.

All too often, the Mariners bring guys in and they immediately become terrible.  Prospects who tear shit up at every level suddenly enter Safeco Field and they’re the worst.  Free agent signings who would probably be GREAT somewhere else – like Baltimore – find that Seattle is their last Major League stop.

Make no mistake, it’s all in their heads.  Only the truly great, and the strong of will, are able to conquer the mythical beast that is the spooky Marine Layer of Safeco Field.  And Kendrys Morales is one of those heroes.

Look, assholes who don’t like this trade, we were getting zilch from our DH position.  Now, we’re probably going to get SOMETHING.  No, it’s not an outfielder.  No, he’s not John Jaso.  Sorry.  John Jaso is gone and he’s never coming back; get over it.  Morales doesn’t walk, doesn’t play defense, doesn’t run well.  But, he hits a fucking baseball!  At this point, I will settle for that.

Make no mistake, we can’t stop here.  Remember in the offseason, when the Mariners signed Robbie Cano and everyone was like, “I love it!  Now, don’t stop here; keep filling holes!”  And then remember how the Mariners pretty much stopped there?  Remember how the Mariners half-assed the rest of their off-season duties by bringing in LoMo and the aforementioned Corey Hart?  Yeah, we can’t repeat that mistake again.

Kendrys Morales is a nice START.  But, we need more.  Anything from one to three outfielders, as well as a starting pitcher.  By this time next week, I better be looking at a totally different lineup!

For shits and giggles, though, here’s an ideal look at what the Mariners look like with Morales:

  1. Jones (CF)
  2. Seager (3B)
  3. Cano (2B)
  4. Morales (DH)
  5. LoMo (1B)
  6. Zunino (C)
  7. Ackley (LF)
  8. Chavez (RF)
  9. Miller/Taylor (SS)

For what it’s worth, I know the Mariners won’t bat Seager in the 2-hole.  Lloyd is hell-bent on Morales as our cleanup hitter, which pushes Seager back to the 5-spot.  Which means lots more Chavez/Jones as the 1/2 hitters.  If you LITERALLY set a table the way Chavez & Jones set a table in a baseball lineup, all the plates and glasses would be broken, and there would be a big, steaming turd pile for a centerpiece.

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