The Seahawks Have A Job To Do

Well, the Rams really could’ve done us a solid last night.  But, instead they decided to shit the bed, smear the shit all around trying to half-assedly clean it up, then covered it with the comforter to try to hide the fact that they shit the bed.  But you know, and I know, and the Rams know, that the room still smells like shit and it’s only a matter of time before the maid comes in and discovers what the Rams have done, but by then we’ll be on a plane back home and …

I forget where I was going with this.  Let me back up.

The Cardinals just beat the hapless Rams last night.  In St. Louis.  Bumping them up to 11 wins and for all intents and purposes comfortably IN the playoffs in some capacity.  And now they get 10 days to prepare for us to come to town, but that’s a post for another week.

Right now, we’ve got some business to take care of.  Some trash to take outside.  Some lawn to fertilize.  The 49ers are in town this weekend, reeling from back-to-back losses to the Seahawks on Thanksgiving, and the Raiders last week.  They’re 7-6 and, I believe, will be eliminated from the playoffs with one final death blow.

The 49ers aren’t a good team.  I don’t need to tell YOU that, but I will, because it’s so much fun.  It’s so much fun to watch Jim Harbaugh struggle.  To watch his house of cards tumble all around him.  Yes, these 49ers lost to the lowly Raiders.  Yes, they were held to 3 points by a resurgent Seahawks defense.  But, keep going back, you’ll notice a delightful trend.  Like a hard-fought 4-point victory at home against RGIII and the Redskins (the since-benched RGIII, that is).  Like another hard-fought 6-point victory against the Giants.  Like an overtime win against the ridiculous Saints.  Like a 3-point loss at home to the Rams.  It goes on and on.  Their most-impressive wins are either Week 1 at Dallas, or Week 4 at home against the Eagles.  And, I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s not September anymore.

Remember at the start of the season when we looked at these three games specifically – at Frisco, at Philly, back home vs. Frisco – as the most difficult games of the year?  And then, when we lumped the Cardinals into the mix, grudgingly accepting them as a threat even while keeping our doubts about us, marking this 5-game stretch as not only critical, but possibly lethal to our chances?  AND LOOK AT US NOW!  We are in a VERY solid position to go 5-0 in this stretch, as long as we can stay healthy and continue T’ing C of B.

Just two weeks ago, the Seahawks held the 49ers to 3 points in their home stadium.  What has changed?  Nothing has changed.  In fact, the Seahawks are looking HEALTHIER than they were two weeks ago, as there’s a 50/50 chance Max Unger returns this week.  He’s been practicing, after all, so we’ll see.

In that last game, we held them to 164 yards and 4/11 on third down.  We took the time of possession by a good ten minutes and, in spite of giving them an 85-yard edge in penalties, we still dominated them in every facet of the game.

Now … the game is being played here.  In Seattle.  Where the 49ers have not only struggled in recent years, but they’ve been laughed off the face of the fucking Earth.  Usually it’s blowouts.  Obviously, in the NFC Championship Game last year, instead of a blowout, we were able to treat them to a heartbreaking, demoralizing finish.  Either way, the 49ers haven’t had success here in the Russell Wilson Era.  So, what makes you think they’re going to have success this weekend?  When they’re in the middle of their worst stretch of play since Jim Harbaugh was hired, while at the same time our defense is back to its 2013 level?

Am I the only one who thinks this is a no-brainer?  Obviously, I’m not, because Vegas has pushed the spread on this game to over 10 points, the last time I checked.  It’s the most the Seahawks have ever been favored over the 49ers since Pete Carroll has come to town.

I’m pretty comfortable in saying the Seahawks are going to win comfortably.  The only way I can see them keeping it close is if we’re sloppy with the football, giving it away and whatnot.  If our offense is struggling the way the Rams struggled to move the football last night, then maybe I could see the 49ers hanging around.  But, we’re not employing Shaun Hill and the Loser Brigade.  We’ve got Russell “Always Finds A Way” Wilson.  Even if we struggle in the red zone again, we should be able to put up enough field goals to make this a laugher, with the way our defense has been rolling.

The 49ers are the least of my concerns.  They’re a beached whale gasping its dying breaths.  Colin Kaepernick has regressed to the point where he can’t get out of his own way and stop turning the ball over on ill-conceived throws.  Michael Crabtree is so far below mediocre, you could pull a man off the street and get blanket coverage.  Frank Gore is on his way out of the league.  The offensive line is a mess.  Their linebackers are all backups on any other team.  They have a little shred of respectability in their run defense, and some marginal talent in their secondary.  But, my money is on the Seahawks having their way with them.

It’s going to be a great day on Sunday.  We’ll close the book on the 2014 San Francisco 49ers.  We’ll be the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jim Harbaugh’s reign with that team.  And, we might be looking at one of the last days of Colin Kaepernick:  Franchise Quarterback.  If he doesn’t get out of the tailspin he’s been in, you could be looking at a career-backup for some other team.

I wonder how he’d feel about playing behind Russell Wilson for pennies on the dollar …

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