We’re The Best, Around: Seahawks Crush Cardinals

Come on, as if there was any doubt …

You may suck upon deez royal nutz ...

You may suck upon deez royal nutz …

It would be unfair to call Seattle’s offense strictly “one dimensional”.  But, you can’t deny they do one thing MUCH better than the other, and that’s run the football.  The problem with being one dimensional, of course, is that when the other team shuts down the one thing you do well, you’re at an extreme disadvantage.  When that one thing is rushing, you’re even more behind the 8-ball, as what are you going to do if you ever fall behind in a game AND you can’t run the ball?

Well, if you’re the Seattle Seahawks, not to worry, because the Seahawks are NOT one dimensional, but that’s neither here nor there, because why would you ever fear being down by two scores or more?

You can get some flawed analysis coming out of this game.  I know, in the moment, that was a FUN NIGHT.  And I know in the standings it looks like we have the same record as the Cardinals (overtaking them for the division thanks to the head-to-head tie-breaker).  But, the Cardinals right now are no where near our league.

I mean, what do you learn about a game where their fourth string quarterback threw for less than five yards per attempt?  The same quarterback who is yet to throw for a touchdown in over 200 career attempts, which is an NFL record.  Or, about a team that couldn’t run at full strength getting held to 29 yards?  Overall, we’re talking about an offensively-challenged team on its BEST day.  And, last night was far from that.

Yes, the Seahawks dominated, and surely would’ve dominated most teams – if not all teams – but a much lesser defensive unit could’ve done just as good of a job.

I’m more impressed by what the offense showed us.  Against a team that WAS a top 10 defense before last night, we generated 596 yards of total offense.  That’s on top of a ridiculous 97 yards in penalties by our three units.  We ran for 267 yards on 34 carries for a nearly 8-yard per carry average.  I hate doing this – because all the runs count – but if you take out Beastmode’s 79-yard touchdown run, you’re STILL talking about a Seahawks offense that averaged 5.7 yards per carry.  Want to further limit us by also taking out Russell Wilson’s 55 yard scamper?  The Seahawks STILL averaged over 4 yards per carry.

This is an Arizona defense built upon stopping the run – stopping the thing we do the best – and we absolutely manhandled them.  AND, on top of that, just to prove we’re not one dimensional, Russell Wilson went and threw for 339 yards and two touchdowns, for a rating of 122.9.

The Seahawks are riding a 5-game winning streak now.  Who saw this team at 6-4 and thought, “This is a team that’s going to be playing for a #1 seed in the NFC”?  Because, I’m not gonna lie to you, I sure as shit didn’t.  You know how there are trap games, where you might overlook a bad team you’re playing this week because you know you’re going to face a really tough team the next week?  It’s almost like the Seahawks had seven straight weeks of trap games – from Washington thru Kansas City – simply looking ahead to the 6-game stretch to close the season.  I don’t know what switch was flipped, but this is a VASTLY different team than it was in the first half.

Let’s kick off our kudos this week on offense for a change.  Luke Willson had three monster catches.  Two for touchdowns, one to convert a 2nd & 20.  139 yards overall, 80 of them on his long TD.  He’s had an up and down year this year to say the least, but when we needed him the most last night (especially with Kearse going down early with a hamstring), he didn’t have a drop.

Doug Baldwin had as quiet of a 7 catch, 113 yard game as I’ve ever seen, but we really had to lean on him more than ever with the aforementioned Kearse injury.  Hopefully he’s not out for too long.

To top off Wilson’s brilliant passing day, he also ran for 88 yards and a garbage touchdown, to bring his season rushing total to 842, which is 15th in the NFL at the moment, ahead of MANY players who only run the ball for a living and will never throw a pass in their careers.  I’m told 842 rushing yards for a quarterback is 5th most in NFL history, but I’m too lazy to go and confirm that myself.

Defensively, we had four sacks.  One apiece for Bennett, Hill, Schofield, and newcomer David King.  Jordan Hill’s sack particularly stands out because it was on a nice little stunt move where Bennett bull rushed to the middle of the line – occupying two blockers – while Hill ran around for the easy pancake.  Schofield’s was notable for how absolutely swift and fierce the hit was, while still being legal, which for last night was a bit of a problem.

Also bringing the pain, while not necessarily lighting up the stat sheet, we have Kam Chancellor, Cliff Avril, and Bruce Irvin.  They’re all so damn active and forcing opponents into making Business Decisions on a regular basis.

Richard Sherman not only got an interception – to give him 24 in his career, which is tied for the second-most in NFL history through the first four seasons in the league – but he got to outshine Patrick Peterson once again.  Before the game, there were stories about his chat with Bob Costas where Sherm got to clowning on him once again.  Then, fast forward to the game:  whenever they completed a pass on Sherman, it took the greatest throw combined with the greatest catch for it to be successful.  The Seahawks were able to throw pretty much at will on Peterson.  Sherman CAUGHT his INT; Peterson dropped his only chance.  Sherman was mixing it up in the run game, tackling guys at the line of scrimmage.  Peterson got posterized by Beastmode as he tried for the strip instead of the tackle, forever on the ass-end of one of the greatest runs in NFL history.  A run that will be replayed countless times throughout the year and through the end of time.

Best cornerback in the league?  You may say it’s not Richard Sherman, and you may be right (though, that wouldn’t be MY opinion); but one thing’s for certain:  the best cornerback is NOT Patrick Peterson.  Case closed, bitches.

Finally, you knew we’re closing with Beastmode.  Marshawn Lynch started the day with some sort of stomach virus and didn’t show up for much of the first quarter.  But, once he was finally able, he made the most of his touches:  10 carries, 113 yards, two touchdowns.  I’m putting that performance up there with Michael Jordan’s flu game in the Finals and there’s not a God damn thing you can do to stop me!  To not only play football with that kind of nausea, but to play it at the very highest level you can possibly play, with as physical as he does it?  I mean, are you kidding me?  When I’m that sick, I have to sit on the toilet with a bucket in my lap so I don’t shit my pants while I’m throwing up.

And now you know a little something more about me.  I’m pretty much the catch of the century, ladies …

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