It’s been a shitty week to be a Mariners fan or a part of the Mariners organization itself. The team blew back-to-back 1-run games, then followed it up with a series-closing turd where Robinson Cano got picked off between third and home while believing the bases were loaded and the walk that just transpired would have forced in a run. If you sat through those games, you’re probably pretty upset.
But, if you’re Steven A. Taylor, you’re probably pretty detached from the whole thing. I thankfully gave up on Monday night’s game before it went into extras, because it was taking FOREVER and I needed to get some shut-eye. I could barely tolerate more than a few minutes at a time of Tuesday’s Iwakuma start as he reverted to his old ways of slowing down the game to the point of unwatchability. And, I was at a comedy show at The Crocodile on Wednesday and missed the whole fucking fiasco. With yesterday’s off-day (spent at the Faith No More concert at The Paramount), it’s almost like the Dodgers series never happened!
Who’s that team hitting all those home runs but essentially doing nothing else at the plate but striking out? Who are those grown men playing like 5 year old Tee-Ball players, running around with the discipline of a toddler after consuming one of those giant Pixy Stix? I DON’T KNOW, BECAUSE I HAVEN’T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION! *Plugs ears with fingers, shuts eyes* LA LA LA, I’M NOT LISTENING, I DON’T FOLLOW THE MARINERS, WHAT’S A BASEBALL …
But, all good things must come to an end. After a Dave Attell show at the Parlor Live tomorrow night, my social plans are pretty dried up. With nothing else better to do, I imagine I’ll be right back in front of the TV to watch these sorry fucks try to turn things around.
I love how everyone’s looking at the schedule right now, as a point of optimism. The Mariners have played three really tough teams! Sure, they only went 3-6 in those games, but now ostensibly the schedule gets easier! Except, here’s the flaw in that logic: don’t you WANT the Mariners to be playing on the level of the best teams? And, not only that, but don’t you want the Mariners to play BETTER than those teams? What sort of comfort are you going to derive from the Mariners beating up on all the schlubs of the Major Leagues – if they do happen to somehow make the playoffs – when all that’s left are the very best teams?
And, besides that, why are we dismissing the Rangers, Astros, and Twins like these are going to be pieces of cake? For starters, we don’t know a God damn thing about how good these teams will end up being. Secondly, since the Astros joined the American League, they were one of the very worst teams in all of baseball. And yet, they have given us FITS every time we’ve played them! I’ll believe it when I see it, but I just don’t see these teams rolling over when they play us.
Finally, there’s a 9-game, 10-day homestand laying out there before us, starting tonight. That’s all well and good, except the Mariners in recent years have been TERRIBLE at home – indeed, much worse than they’ve been on the road. Maybe that’s a fluke or maybe it’s because Safeco is in their heads like it’s in everybody’s heads, except now our starting pitching sucks dick and can’t throw the ball down in the zone.
Enjoy your beard hats and bobbleheads while you can, fans. Enjoy your spike in attendance while you can, Mariners front office. Because this thing is in the midst of going tits up and you’ll have a legion of Mariners fans jumping off of this sinking ship when April is over and we’re 10 games under .500.
Now would be the time to get your shit together, Mariners. It’s still “early”, but it won’t be “early” for very much longer. Why is it I feel like I make this same exact point every fucking season?