You’re a fucking retard if you think the Seattle Mariners are making the playoffs this year. Yes, I’m talking to you, on June 15th: you’re a retard if you think there’s any way this team is going to right the ship. 7.5 games behind first place; 4th place overall in the A.L. West. 13th fucking place in the American League – meaning we’d have to pass over EIGHT teams just to get to a play-in game – it’s over. RETARDS! It’s over.
You know how I know it’s over? Because this team’s roster is a fucking joke. The defense is a joke, the hitting is a joke, and the pitching – God bless ’em – just isn’t good enough to overcome the shitty defense and even shittier hitting.
And Jackie Z is the man behind all of it. He’s had his chances. He’s MORE than had his share of chances. The organization would’ve been justified in letting him go after the 2010 season, and yet here we are. He’s not the sloppy, back-alley abortion that Bill Bavasi was; Jackie Z didn’t completely gut our farm system in some pathetic Win Now maneuver. Jackie Z is terrible in completely new and fresh ways, but make no mistake, he IS terrible at what he does.
At best, with any trade he makes, we have to hope that both teams end up frustrated and unhappy. Jackie Z is NEVER going to pull the wool over the eyes of another GM. But, if the guy we get in return can manage to suck just as much as the players we send away, then it’s a victorious trade for Trader Jack. What was the best deal he ever made? It was the Vargas/Guti/Putz trade with the Indians and Mets way back when, and look at how well that worked out long term! Vargas was a solid starter, who we traded away for a season’s worth of Kendrys Morales; Guti was a solid starter until his body completely broke down; and the guys we gave away didn’t totally murder us in the deal. That’s unquestionably the BEST trade Jackie Z has ever made in his time with the Mariners!
Getting back to the roster construction, just look at this team. It’s like the guy read “Moneyball” and proceeded to rip out the pages, one at a time, and wipe his ass with each and every one of them. Anyone who even has a remote ability to work a count and take a walk might as well be screaming the N-word at the top of his lungs while every media outlet in the world is recording, because the Mariners under Jackie Z can’t get rid of these guys fast enough! John Jaso is the primary example here, but I’m sure there are others I’m forgetting. The point is, this team hasn’t really even TRIED to bring in well-rounded hitters outside of overpaying for Robinson Cano, and look at how great he’s been in just his second season here.
The Mariners have the most myopic front office in the league. Where have the Mariners struggled? Right handed dingers! So, they bring in Nelson Cruz, Rickie Weeks, Mark Trumbo, and they get rid of Justin Ruggiano because he doesn’t hit ENOUGH dingers, regardless of the fact that he’s one of the few hitters on this team who can work a Major League count. If you’re taking walks and not hitting dingers, YOU’RE OFF THE TEAM!
And therefore, when this team hits dingers, it tends to do well. When this team hits no dingers, it gets shut out by the likes of the fucking Astros two times in three days. I mean, just look at these guys!
Austin Jackson – a good-enough role player on a stacked team, but no one you really want at the top of your order.
Seth Smith – another good-enough role player who probably shouldn’t be playing every day, and certainly someone else you don’t need at the top of your order.
Robinson Cano – Good player, probably not $24 million per year good. But, beggars can’t be choosers.
Nelson Cruz – Good at dingers! Not going to win you any Triple Crowns any time soon. Should never be playing in the outfield.
Kyle Seager – Good all-around baseball player. Literally the only one cultivated by the Jackie Z regime.
Logan Morrison – His slumps make him look like the worst hitter on the planet. His hot streaks make him look like he belongs for a breathtaking short burst of time. Better defensively at first base than any of us thought; should never play the outfield.
Dustin Ackley – The Most Disappointing Man In The World. Can’t hit, can’t work a count (probably because the Jackie Z regime drilled that skill out of him in the name of dingers as soon as he was drafted), is okay defensively but has a terrible throwing arm, so he’s not really a guy you want to have out there because everyone is going to run on him.
Brad Miller – Doesn’t hit enough, is pretty good defensively, but still makes mind-boggling mistakes from time to time.
Mike Zunino – Doesn’t hit enough (but at least he hits a few dingers!), is pretty good defensively, and is playing almost every single day because this team’s backup catcher is literally the worst.
Mark Trumbo – Dingers, and that’s it.
Jackie Z has been a disaster almost the entire time he’s been the Mariners’ GM, except the team lucked into a couple of winning seasons during his tenure that’s allowed him to keep his job in spite of the fact that we’ve burned through three managers and are well on our way to burning through our fourth in Lloyd McClendon. You don’t have to fire Jackie Z today, you don’t have to fire him tomorrow. But, you should probably rein him in on any deadline deals that don’t involve shedding salary, and you absolutely MUST fire him by the time the season ends.
The old fucks who run the Mariners need to bring in someone younger and smarter than Jackie Z. Someone who is willing to think outside the box (and get rid of LMC in favor of a manager who thinks the same way). 2015 better be the last fucking year we’re stuck with Jackie Z blowing smoke up our asses.