Now THESE are the Mariners I’m used to!
Record under .500, double-digit games back of the divisional leader, predictably in third place behind an Astros team everyone and their mothers KNEW would rebound to eventually be good again. 6-16 in June, 0 series wins, 2 series ties, 5 series losses, with two of those being total sweeps, including this most recent 4-game fuckscape in Detroit. We went 2-8 on the road trip, and get to go home for a heaping helping of bullshit. If you thought Road Mariners turned into a miserable disappointment, just wait until you get another look at Home Mariners! Against an organization in St. Louis that’s probably the polar opposite to the one in Seattle (stable, smart, winning, competent, you get the idea).
The team is a disaster. That’s all there is to it. We still have at least another month without Felix, and the rest of the starters we DO have are dealing with nagging injuries, terrible, or are terrible while dealing with nagging injuries. The bullpen is savagely overworked, and not all that great to begin with. And the hitting is running into some troubles, which had to be expected; they weren’t going to carry this team forever.
I can’t REMOTELY even right now.
This is it. I’m calling it. On Friday, June 24th, we’re officially in “Fuck It, When’s Football Season Start?” mode. The Mariners may hover around .500 the rest of the year (although, at this point, I’ve got my doubts we’ll even be THAT good the rest of the way), and the Mariners will probably even hit a nice little hot patch somewhere in the next three months. But, this is not a playoff team.
Since they’re reverting back to their Same Ol’ Mariners ways (in this case, not the same ol’ Mariners from the last decade, but rather the same ol’ Mariners from the late 90s that hit a lot but sucked at pitching), I’m going to revert back to my Same Ol’ Mariners Fan ways. Numb the body, numb the mind, keep those expectations MIGHTY low, attend a few games, try to remember the good ol’ days, and recklessly bitch about this team on Twitter whenever I’ve got a free minute.
I don’t know about you, but my evenings will be spent NOT watching Mariners games (for the most part; as many of you, I can’t help but gawk at a good car accident from time to time). Instead, I’ll be spending the rest of the summer enjoying my favorite 90s sitcoms. Newsradio, Married … With Children, a little Roseanne, maybe some Third Rock From The Sun if I can find it. The world is my oyster!
Thanks for nothing, Mariners! Glad you could get our hopes up for a couple months before revealing your true form! Maybe next year you can find a new and exciting way to torture your fans!