Shock Of The Fucking Century: Pete Carroll & John Schneider Signed Extensions

Look, I get it.  In this day and age of disposable media and trying to generate as much content as humanly possible, it’s harder than ever to scrape together enough interesting stories to satiate the howling maw of consumerism.  This is particularly true in the world of sports bloggery, where the NFL is king and generates more pageviews than a Kardashian sucking a Trump’s dick at a Black Lives Matter rally.

But, if you spent even a minute crafting an article or a post on the importance of the Seahawks extending their head coach and general manager this offseason, you’re a worthless piece of shit and you deserve to have your credentials revoked.

I mean, come on, was there ever any doubt?  Absolutely fucking not!  And if you made an argument to the contrary, then you’re an idiot.  But, really, you’re worse than an idiot.  You’re a shallow, cynical, pandering hack trying to create a story out of thin air because you can’t think of anything else better to write about.

In what world would the Seahawks and Paul Allen not get this done?  Is it the same world where Paul Allen is one of the richest men on the planet?  Is it the same one where John Schneider is one of the top 2 or 3 GMs in the league?  Is it the one with the visionary, Super Bowl winning head coach?

On the flipside, in what world would Schneider and Carroll not want to return?  It’s obviously no secret that Schneider’s dream job is with the Green Bay Packers, but that position is happily filled by one of his mentors in Ted Thompson, who isn’t going anywhere anytime soon (and, not for nothing, but it’s likely to be handed down to the son of another of his mentors in Ron Wolf).  So, if we’ve established that money is practically no object with our owner, tell me why John Schneider would want to leave a situation where he has the perfect fit.  He gets to run things his way, partnered with a head coach who gets it and shares the same sentiment as far as roster construction is concerned, with an owner who decidedly doesn’t meddle in their affairs.  Tell me!  Tell me your theory as to why he’d want to leave!  Fear of TOO MUCH success!  Fear of winning multiple Super Bowls and generating an endless string of raises until he decides to retire?

Same with Carroll.  Oh, what, he’s just biding his time until Jeff Fisher is shit-canned so he can move back to Los Angeles?  Here’s a news flash!  And it applies to both Carroll and Schneider:  these guys can break their contracts WHENEVER THEY WANT!  It’s not like they’re players in the NFL; coaches and GMs actually have the power to leave if they don’t like a situation.  If they tell the owner they want out, the owner will gladly oblige, because why keep a head coach or a GM under contract if they don’t really want to be here?  Sign a 3-year deal, sign a 5-year deal, hell, sign a 300-year deal!  What’s the fucking difference, they’re here as long as they perform and as long as they want to remain.  Period.

So no, this isn’t some “huge story” like everyone wants to make it out to be.  Successful, well-run organizations pride themselves on stability over everything.  Except winning, I guess, but if you’re already winning, why fuck with a good thing?

It’ll be a big story when one of these guys retires, or when one of them breaks his contract.  Until then, let us never think about the contract statuses of John Schneider and Pete Carroll ever again.

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