Mariners Fans Are The Worst Fucking Pieces Of Shit On The Planet

Look, it’s one thing to come into these last two weeks of the season expecting the worst.  I mean, take a look around us!  The precedent has been set!  This team has been disappointing for years!  Decades!

And while last night’s game against Houston confirmed our worst fears, the last fucking thing I want to hear about right now is how this is all Felix’s fault.

Granted, 6 runs in less than 5 innings isn’t going to win you many new fans, but how fucking ruthless can you get?  Do you not remember all the YEARS he’s given this organization?  How he’s been one of the VERY best pitchers in all of baseball throughout his career, on an endless string of go-nowhere teams?  He could’ve gone through the motions at any time.  He could’ve given up and went on cruise control, maybe save some miles on his pitching arm.  But, you know what he did instead?  He gave it everything he fucking had, and he almost never missed a start.

And you’re going to call him a choke artist?  Because of a bad start last night and a bad start in 2014?  Are you FUCKING kidding me?

This is a guy who could’ve played through his arbitration years and gone to the Yankees the SECOND his contract expired.  You know what he did instead?  He stuck by the most inept fucking franchise in all of baseball and signed an extension that would carry him through the entirety of his prime years.  Why?  Because he wanted so badly to be in the position he’s in right now:  to lead this team to the post-season.  You think he likes struggling against the Astros like he does?  Some teams just have your number.  These collection of hitters, for whatever reason, have figured out the secret the rest of baseball has been trying to unlock for more than a decade.  It fucking happens.

You know what?  Go fuck yourselves.  I don’t mind people badmouthing the Mariners, they fucking deserve all the flak they get.  But, I’ll be God damned if I’m going to sit here and listen to these bullshit Mariners fans badmouth Felix.  He IS the Mariners, you fucking cunts!  If you’re going to play yourself off as a Mariners fan who’s anti-Felix, then I hope you get the most painful form of ass cancer there is.

How soon we forget all the times these hitters have let him down.  How soon we forget all the surefire wins this bullpen has blown for the King.  He’s been our rock since 2005, and in the TWO chances we’ve had to crack the postseason – 2014 and 2016 – he’s had a misstep here and there.  Right.  Choke artist.  Eat shit, you fucking twats.

The reality is, we have no idea how good Felix could’ve been in a pennant race, because the Seattle Mariners have been so fucking shitty during his very best years.  This year, obviously, isn’t one of the good ones for Felix.  But, you have to remember, the guy has averaged 32 starts over the previous 10 years!  How many pitchers do you know even stay HEALTHY for that long?  He’s been in there, day-in and day-out, killing his body for this team.  SO YOU SHOW THE KING SOME FUCKING RESPECT, YOU COUNTRY BUMPKINS!

I’m a Felix fan first; I’m a Mariners fan, like, 25th.  Long Live The King!

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