The Seahawks Were A Hot Mess In Hot, Humid Tennessee

Just when you think the Seahawks are getting to be boring or predictable to write about (what’s that, another slow start spoiling an otherwise winnable game?), they go and zag when you expect them to zig.

Well, you may have expected this game to be a zig, but I saw this zag coming a mile away!

Everyone’s all surprised about Tennessee’s offense really sticking it to our defense, but this was always going to be a terrible matchup for the Seahawks.  They have a GREAT offensive line, so that right there neutralizes one of our team’s best assets:  the D-Line.  The pass rush was neutralized (I read somewhere that the Seahawks were only credited with 2 pressures all day), and more importantly, our rush defense was non-existent.  Remember in 2014, when we hosted the Cowboys and they ran the ball all over us (with DeMarco Murray at the helm, btw)?  Yeah, that times a thousand.  195 total yards rushing, on a 5.6 yards per carry average, with a long of 75!  DeMarco Murray was supposed to only play sparingly because he was dealing with an injury, and he looked like fucking Superman out there!

So yeah, there was that.  Then, factor in Marcus Mariota:  he’s not going to push the ball down the field.  He’s going to take what the defense gives him, make smart decisions, and keep moving the chains.  Then, when he gets into the red zone, he’s going to make enough plays to ensure his team scores.  While they didn’t hit on every red zone appearance, they didn’t need to.  From the second quarter on, they scored on 7 of 8 drives.  When you move the ball that well, you don’t NEED to score touchdowns every time to be effective and win the game!  But, more importantly, by not challenging the Seahawks deep through the air, that neutralizes another of our team’s best assets:  the secondary.

With the D-Line and the secondary reduced to nothing, it should surprise no one that the Titans were able to score at will.

I think the Seahawks opened some eyes on offense though.  No one should be crowing, or otherwise satisfied with what the offense was able to do; we’ve seen this movie too!  The Seahawks start slow on the road, get down big, and scramble to make a furious comeback.  In this case, the Seahawks actually managed to grab a 7-6 lead late in the second quarter, after punting on their first six drives.  A Prevent Defense prevented the Seahawks from going into halftime with the lead, as the Titans were able to kick another field goal to go up 9-7.  Then, the Seahawks took the opening drive of the second half down for a TD, and a 14-9 lead, and I think everyone sort of settled in, secure that the Seahawks would FINALLY take over the ballgame.

That’s when the Titans went on their run, making the score 30-14 going into the fourth quarter.  As they do, the Seahawks turned the engines back on, pulling to within 30-20.  They failed at their 2-point conversion (because if you think they’re bad in the red zone, you should SEE how wretched they are at going for 2), but still had plenty of time for a couple more scores.

Where they really lost the game was on the subsequent Titans drive.  Tennessee held the ball for 4 minutes and drove down for a field goal to make it 33-20 with about 10 minutes to go.  At that point, not only would the Seahawks need two touchdowns, but they’d somehow need to get a STOP, which seemed like the least likely of the two scenarios.

Of course, the Seahawks did neither, as they were forced to punt on their next drive.  Sure, the D finally rose up for a 3 & Out, but at that point so much time had run off the clock that the Seahawks would need two TDs in just over 5 minutes.  They would get one, but the on-side kick was as pathetic as everything else about the Seahawks that day, and that was that.

Russell Wilson threw for 373 yards and 4 TDs, which is awesome for a fantasy football team, but it’s honestly not going to win the Seattle Seahawks very many ballgames.  If he has to throw the ball 49 times, then guess what?  That means our defense stinks.  And, for as good as that day looks, there were still plenty of missed opportunities that he wasn’t able to take advantage of.  This offense isn’t good enough to carry a crappy defense, so I hate everything about this stat line.

I really want to call out Darrell Bevell here, because yeah I know he’s the easy mark, and I know it’s like beating a dead horse, but he’s a fucking moron.  The Seahawks ran the ball on the first play of the game for no gain, then passed twice before it turned into a 3 & Out.  Next Drive:  3 passes, and another 3 & Out.  Next Drive:  we get a first down on first down through the air, then Carson runs twice for 11 yards to get the ball into Tennessee territory, then … 3 incomplete passes and a punt.  Next Drive:  he returns to the run game which nets 9 yards, but fails on 3rd & 1.  Nice idea, but poor execution.  Next Drive:  3 more incomplete passes for the 3 & Out.

I mean, look, it was a hot day.  90+ degrees in Tennessee.  I know this team’s “identity” or whatever isn’t to speed up the offense, but you could’ve fooled me.  What are all these incomplete passes if not speeding up the time between when the defense is out there on the field.  And, with all their nonsense early in the game – highlighted by Richard Sherman’s meltdown, followed by his late hit out of bounds on the quarterback – I have no doubt in my mind it tired them out, rendering them useless in the second half.

Also, not for nothing, but I have absolutely no problem with how you want to protest for your causes.  Stand for the anthem, sit for the anthem, pull the flag out and take a shit on it on midfield in front of tens of thousands of people; WHATEVER.  But, when I read about how the team is spending 3+ hours on how they’re going to protest the anthem the next day … I dunno, that seems like time that could be spent on preparing for the other team!

Again, I’m all for you standing up for what you believe in, but if it’s going to continuously interfere with your performance on the field, then I gotta say:  why should I care about the causes of a bunch of losers?  You know where you’ll have the biggest impact to pass along your message?  At the FUCKING Super Bowl, so how about you start playing like you give a shit about this fucking game, or go hang out on the fucking sidelines while we find some guys who want to win.

I follow sports because I like watching sports.  While I agree with your right to protest – and while I agree that people of color are treated pretty shitty in this country – I only actually give a shit about football when I’m watching football.  If I want an endless parade of politics, I’ll go on Twitter and blow my fucking brains out, thanks.

The Huskies Kicked Off Conference Play With A Resounding Road Victory Over The Buffaloes

There’s a point in every football game where you start to wonder if the slow start your team is experiencing is more than just a slow start.  Panic sets in.  If this thing keeps dragging on the way it’s going, we could fucking lose this thing!

For me, that happened early in the second quarter.  Colorado got the ball first and pulled out a very methodical drive for a touchdown.  The Huskies took their opening possession to around midfield before Browning threw an ill-advised interception.  Then, once again, the Buffaloes were able to march down the field on an 11-play drive, which stalled at the Husky 40-yard line.  Washington took the next possession into the Colorado red zone, but whiffed on the field goal, and I felt like just enough bad shit was happening to make this One Of Those Games.

Colorado was obviously hungry for revenge after falling on their asses in the Pac-12 Championship Game last year, and with the game being on their home field, with the pounding rain, pre-game injury announcements, and everything else, it just felt like the game could get away from us if we weren’t careful.

But, then the defense clamped down, and the tide overwhelmingly shifted to the Huskies’ favor.  We forced a 3 & Out, blocked the punt, punched the ball in over the goalline to tie it up, picked off a couple passes, and were able to take a 10-7 lead into halftime.

The Huskies blew it open in the second half.  A Browning to Quinten Pounds 43-yard touchdown made the game 17-7 on the opening drive.  Colorado would hit a field goal to make it 17-10, and that’s as close as it ever got.  Myles Bryant brought an interception back to the house, Salvon Ahmed got his first in-conference touchdown, Myles Gaskin busted one 57 yards for his second score of the evening, and then it was time for the reserves.  An impressive 37-10 road victory over what I believe will be a very good Colorado team when all is said and done.

Gaskin was the man in this one.  Before the game, it was announced that Lavon Coleman had a concussion and would miss at least this week, so the entire rushing load was put on Gaskin’s shoulders and he rose to the challenge.  27 carries, 202 yards, 2 TDs.  Ahmed, as I noted, got some run with the first unit as well, and finished with 6 carries for 27 yards and a score.  I can see why everyone likes him; he’s got a burst.  It’s only a matter of time before he really makes a big impact.

The other big news of the pre-game was Byron Murphy breaking his foot and being out for six weeks.  He’s our best cornerback, which obviously hurts, but we’re still really deep there (punctuated by the 3 picks in this one, including two by Jordan Miller), so hopefully we can weather the storm.  It’ll be good to have him back for the stretch run, when the games get really tough at the end of the season.

Azeem Victor had a huge game, with 10 tackles, a sack, and a TFL.  The receivers had a relatively quiet game, given how much we pounded it on the ground, and given Browning’s non-descript outing (11/21 for 160 yards, 1 TD & 1 INT).

Things could hardly have gone better for the Huskies this weekend.  I think that will prove to be a big win for us.  Oklahoma State lost, so we reclaimed our #6 ranking in both polls.  We go to Oregon State this Saturday and they look like the worst team in the conference, so that should be another easy victory.  After THAT, five of our final seven games are at home, with a BYE week also tucked in there for good measure.

It’s all setting up as it should, now we just have to go out there and win the games.

Mariners Tank-A-Palooza 2017 In Full Effect

I’m proud of you, Mariners!  I really am!  Some teams might cling to some notion of honor in reaching a .500 record, as a moral victory of sorts.  But you know, and I know, that it’s all bullshit.  What matters, when your season is over, is the race to the bottom!  You grab that brass ring!  And that brass ring, in this case, is getting a Top 10 draft pick in next year’s draft.

The Mariners lost to the Rangers last night 4-2, to complete the 3-game sweep.  The losing streak has reached six games, and in between football freakouts, fans and media alike are bemoaning the fact that the M’s are falling so hard on their faces, but WHY?  You do realize that wins at this point don’t help you, right?  No one’s going to remember this team faltering at the end of the season when we take a step back and assess this season for what it was:  the Mariners just weren’t good enough.  Period.  They weren’t on par with the best teams in the American League:  the Astros, Indians, Red Sox, and Yankees; and in the end they couldn’t take advantage of the rest of the A.L. being mediocre enough to make that second Wild Card spot attainable.

So, lose away!  The Indians come to town – they of the legendary 22-game winning streak; they who’ve won 27 of their last 28 games – so how about another sweep?!  Let’s extend this losing streak to 9 games, then 12, then 15 AND THEN WE’RE GOING TO TAKE BACK THE WHITE HOUSE, BLRGYAAAH!!!

I almost didn’t think the Mariners had it in them last night.  I thought they MIGHT actually come from behind and win one.  Paxton got the start and got roughed up a little bit in the first inning, but he settled down, had more life on his fastball, and had better command than he did in his previous start.  A pitch count limit of around 75 pitches meant that he would only last 3.2 innings, but he only gave up the 2 runs, on 4 hits and 2 walks, with 4 strikeouts.

Luckily, the bullpen came in and played add-on; by which I mean they gave up another 2 runs to salt this one away.  Cole Hamels, for the Rangers, was dominant over 8 innings, giving up just the 1 run, and their closer gave up a meaningless solo homer in the ninth to wrap things up.  Cruz and Cano did all the damage with their solo bombs; it was the 35th of the season for Cruz, and 22nd for Cano (but also the 300th of his career, so it’s good to get that one out of the way so he can start fresh in 2018 without that hanging over his head).  Aside from a couple singles by Segura, the rest of the offense was shut down.

More importantly, the Orioles won and the Marlins and Athletics were idle.  We weren’t able to move from our draft position of tied for 14th, but now we only have 4.5 games between us and the A’s for that 10th draft pick.

I won’t get into it, but you should SEE the set of starting pitchers the Indians are bringing to town.  If the Mariners win any of these fucking games, I’m going to be VERY upset!

The Dog In The Mariners’ Fight Has Been Put To Sleep

I’m at that part of the Mariners season where I turn wistful.  Like Bing Bong slowly disappearing in the Memory Dump in Inside Out, so too do the sands of my belief in a Mariners miracle.  With time running out, I just want to see my team play some baseball before everything gives way to football for another offseason.

King Felix took the mound yesterday, and for three innings he looked like Classic Felix.  I wasn’t deluding myself; I know he hasn’t turned anything around.  I know that he’s still going to look amazing in short bursts, every once in a while, only for him to lose his release point, or lose his command, or whatever you want to call it.  Can’t I just enjoy a little King Felix while the getting’s good?

As the fourth inning started, it was getting to be my bedtime.  But, Felix was rolling, the season’s coming to a close, and I was willing to push it to the limits:  8:30, maybe even 9 o’clock!  However long Felix was out there and looking good, I’d stay awake on my couch and root him on!

But, it was like Felix somehow knew that I needed to be fresh and alert today at work.  So, he did what any good King would do, he took care of his people … by walking the bases loaded and giving up a few runs.  With one out, and the bases loaded, Andrew Albers came on in relief, and promptly gave up a Grand Slam to put this game – and yours truly – to bed.  I guess he won’t be getting the start on Saturday.

The Mariners would go on to make a game of it – as they do – but it’s hard to come back when you’re in the hole 7-1.  A bunch of people had a bunch of hits, and things got really interesting in the seventh, when the M’s pulled to within 8-5.  Cruz and Seager both walked to load the bases, then Yonder Alonso promptly swung at the first pitch to get the Rangers out of the jam.  Didn’t really C the Z there.  I can’t imagine a world where Yonder Alonso is back with the Mariners next year.  He’s not the reason we failed, but he’s done very little to help this team succeed either.

In the end, the Mariners got another run in the eighth, and that was that.  8-6.  Making this a 5-game losing streak, with 10 games to go.  At this point, we should probably be rooting for the Mariners to lose.

HEY, we haven’t done this in a while!  Let’s take a look at where the Mariners would draft next year!  Right now, we’re tied with the Rays for 14th.  We throttled the Rays this season, so that would seemingly give them the tie-breaker for better draft position.

With 10 games to go, there’s certainly room to move up in the draft order.  As I noted, we’re tied with the Rays.  The Orioles are just 1.5 games back (and remember, we have 3 more against the Indians to look forward to!).  The Marlins are only 2 games back!  And hell, the Blue Jays are 3 games back and they KILLED us this season!  If we can somehow lose enough to leapfrog those teams, that would put us drafting 11th.

And then there’s Oakland.  Bet you thought Oakland was so far back it would be IMPOSSIBLE for them to pass us in the standings!  Well, you’re not far off, but it’s also not impossible!  Now, hear me out:  5 games.  That’s all that stands in our way.  And, don’t forget, we play the A’s in Oakland next week, so if we can somehow get them to sweep us, that takes care of 3 games.  Now, unfortunately, even if they do sweep us, we will still have won the season series 10-9, so I have to hope that I’m mistaken and the season series has no bearing on tie-breakers for MLB Draft purposes.  Or, maybe we just go out and lose the whole fuckin’ thing!  Aside from playing us, the A’s play their remaining 7 games against Texas.  Unless you’re the Mariners this week, the Rangers aren’t unbeatable, so I’m still holding out hope that the Mariners can somehow sneak into a Top 10 draft pick.

The other option would be the Pirates, who are 5.5 games back, but they have 4 against the Nationals, and they’ve been pretty terrible these last few weeks.

I think I’ve got renewed life!  Lose Mariners Lose!  Paxton vs. Hamels tonight; can we get another night of Paxton with poor mechanics?  Can Hamels fucking BRING IT!?!  Go Rangers!

Seattle Mariners – Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition

The old timey military slang term series comes to a predictable close, as the Mariners lose to the Rangers 3-1.  I mean, I could sit here and get mad at the team for going right back to the Nick Vincent well, when he’s CLEARLY been the worst fucking pitcher on the team in the month of September (now up to 8 runs in 6.2 innings, with at least 1 run given up in half of his appearnaces, 1 blown save, and 2 outright losses).  I could sit here and lament an offense that could only muster 1 fucking run against a mediocre fucking Rangers pitcher.  I could ball out Yonder Alonso for being the latest Mariner to make an out on the basepaths – an underrated aspect that cost us the playoffs this season.  I could piss and moan about the team blowing a fantastic start by Mike Leake (6.2 innings, 1 run, 6 hits, 0 walks, and 5 K’s), but what’s the point, you know?

YES, the Mariners blew a critical opportunity, as the Twins lost their second straight game to the Yankees, which if we’d won would’ve put us at a mere 3 games out of the second Wild Card with 11 games to play.  But, what difference does it make?  Even if a miracle took place, we’d still be talking about an American League playoffs that includes the Indians, Yankees, and those Astros we can never beat.

It’s over, man.  Let it go.  On to next season.

Speaking of those Astros, they really did destroy our season.  We were 5-14 against them; the only team we were worse against was the Blue Jays, at 1-6.  The Mariners are 3 games under .500 at the moment, but we went 9 games under .500 against the Astros.  Think about THAT!

But, if you dig a little deeper, you can see it’s either them, those Blue Jays, or the Yankees (who we went 2-5 against) who show up at each critical juncture in the season.

Take the first week and a half (please!); the Mariners started the season with 7 games in 10 days against the Astros.  We started out 1-3, then dropped 3 more against the Angels, then came home and dropped another 2 of 3 to the Astros.  That’s an overall record of 2-8, with 5 of those defeats coming against Houston.  It would take us a while, but we eventually got back to .500 on May 10th, the day before we went to Toronto and dropped 4 straight.  It took us another good long while, but we got back to .500 AGAIN on June 7th, two days before we hosted the Blue Jays and lost 2 of 3 against them.

We bounced back much quicker this time, getting all the way to a game over .500 on June 22nd before facing the Astros again.  We even beat them in the series opener to go TWO games over .500!  But, we lost the next two to fall back to even, then kept right on losing (for the most part) all the way to the All Star Break.

Coming out of the break, we were a team possessed!  We even managed to somehow beat the Astros in 2 of 3 games!  It was a miracle!  Maybe THIS would be the point where we’d rip off a bunch of wins and grab hold of that Wild Card spot!  We were back to .500 on July 19th, heading home to face … the New York Yankees.  We lost 3 of 4.

We bounced right back, though, and got to a season-high 3 games over .500 on August 9th, a day before the infamous Edgar Martinez Weekend where we lost 4 to the Angels and 5 in a row overall.  I think people will really focus on that stretch of games as the key point in the lost season, but on August 25th, the M’s took the first game against the Yankees in that weekend series to get back to a season-high 3 games over .500.  Remember that 12-game road trip?  THAT was the real make-or-break stretch.  And, as you might have guessed, we lost the next two games to the Yankees to start another downward slide.

BUT, back home in September, fresh off of a sweep of the A’s, the Mariners were back to a game over .500 and still – for the most part – controlling their own destiny.  On Labor Day, September 4th, the Mariners hosted the Astros and dropped three straight.  Once again, they halted all of our momentum and brought us right back to the land of the losers.  Over the next week, though, we got BACK to a game over .500, still with plenty of time to make a difference in this season!  Only to go to Houston on the 15th and lose another three in a row.

That brings us to today, 3 games under .500.  Still enough time to get back to .500, but not enough time to overtake the Twins, or even the Angels.

The Astros were just a flat-out better team than the Mariners this year.  That’s fine.  I accepted that in the first week of the season!  There are a lot of teams that are flat-out better than the Mariners (though, I wouldn’t say the Blue Jays are one of them; they just randomly had our number the times we played them).  But, it sucks dick that we couldn’t overcome the Astros’ dominance to snag one of those Wild Card spots.  With this team, and specifically this organization’s history, just GETTING to the playoffs would’ve been a gigantic victory, and believe me, I don’t say that lightly.  I’m not one of these “Just Happy To Be Here; Let’s All Have A Good Time” sort of fans.  If you make the post-season, anything less than a championship is a HUGE letdown!  But, for the Mariners, you take what you can get.  More importantly, with the sport of baseball being what it is (ridiculously long season, potentially coming down to a single game, or a small handful of games) it’s a ludicrous institution.  Let’s face it, we know the best teams in the A.L. are the Astros and Indians; just like we know the best teams in the N.L. are the Dodgers and Nationals.  You don’t need extra Wild Card teams to help determine who belongs in the World Series!  They throw those teams in there to make things more exciting, to keep a few extra fanbases engaged a little while longer, and sometimes those Wild Card teams catch fire and go all the way.  But, it’s not legit.  With as many games as they play in baseball, you could get away with making it a perfectly balanced schedule and stick the two teams with the best records in the World Series and call it a day.  Or, you could chop the number of regular season games in half, let 8 teams per league into the playoffs, and have each series go 9 games.  But, the way it’s set up now, it’s just dumb.

I dunno, I’m rambling I guess.  The Mariners lost and I’m upset and I don’t know how to express my feelings appropriately this early in the morning.

My Happy Fucking Seahawks/49ers Review

I told you I’d shoot, but you didn’t believe me.  Why didn’t you believe me …

I’m gonna breeze through this, because there really wasn’t a lot to like about yesterday’s game.  First and foremost, yes, it’s a win.  A win isn’t a loss (or a God damn tie for that matter).  The Seahawks are now 1-1 and in a 3-way tie for first in the NFC West.  More importantly, the Seahawks are 1-0 in the division.  MOST importantly, the rest of that division is who we thought they were.

Arizona got ripped on the road in week one to the Lions, then BARELY beat the Colts in overtime yesterday.  Of course, through two weeks they’re 1-1, with both games on the road; 8 of their remaining 14 games are at home.  But, any way you slice it, it’s not an easy schedule for the Cards, who at best look like an 8-8 team.

The Rams looked like world-beaters in week one against the Colts, but the Colts (without Andrew Luck) are one of the three worst teams in the NFL with the Jets and probably the Browns.  Even WITH Andrew Luck, they’re probably still one of the 5-6 worst teams in the NFL, but that’s neither here nor there.  The Redskins came into Los Angeles and came away with a 7-point victory yesterday, which should start to quiet those calls for the Rams winning the division.  Even worse for the Rams, both of their first two games were at home, and their schedule doesn’t look remarkably easier than Arizona’s.

But, let’s dig into this one.  The key to this game was simply the 49ers being terrible.  They’ll most likely land another Top 5 pick in next year’s draft and we’ll get to see their group nab a bunch more great college players.  But, make no mistake, the Seahawks wouldn’t have won this game if anyone better than Brian Hoyer was at the helm.

I’d like to start with some of the cool things the Seahawks did on offense, but it would be criminal to not kick it off with the D.  The 49ers were held to only 11 first downs, on 2 of 12 third down conversions.  They ran just 48 plays, compared to our 79; and were held to only 248 yards, most of that on the ground.  Hoyer was a dreadful 15/27 for 99 yards passing, a 3.7 yard per attempt average, with an interception to Bobby Wagner.

I thought Earl was all over the place, both in the backfield and around the line of scrimmage.  I thought Lane showed up really well on his side of the field, greatly overshadowing Shaq Griffin, whose only contribution I noted was a horrendous block in the back penalty on special teams.  I thought Richard Sherman was a warrior, playing on an injury that would keep most other cornerbacks out of the lineup.  And, aside from some breakdowns against the run, I thought the D-Line looked great in pass rush.  Michael Bennett particularly had a great game, as did Sheldon Richardson (whose contributions, again, won’t always show up on the stat sheet).  Time and time again, this defense carries this team, and yesterday was absolutely no exception.

Most importantly, I thought this defense harkened back to 2013, like we all expected it to last week.  Obviously, a defense is going to be more successful at home, when the crowd is deafening and opposing offenses can’t check out of bad plays as much, but the last couple years this Seahawks defense hasn’t looked as elite at home.  Teams have come in here and moved the ball pretty good.  I won’t say “at will”, but they’ve been able to move the ball WAY more than they could in 2012-2014.  Even suspect offenses.  But, not yesterday.  There was no way the 49ers were going to win that game, and it had everything to do with the defense.  Part of me can’t wait for when a great offense comes in here and struggles (but the other part of me remembers what this Seahawks offense has been able to do, and I get less and less excited).

Offensively, it was the Chris Carson show.  93 yards on 20 carries, he led the way.  Most importantly, when the game was on the line in the fourth quarter, Carson picked up the load.  On the final two drives (the TD drive to take the lead, and the clock-killing drive to end the game), Carson ran for 58 yards on 7 carries, including five straight runs on that final drive to bring the game to kneel downs.  I’ve said all along that I think he’s destined to be our starting running back heading into 2018, and this only leads me to believe that it’ll happen sooner than I thought.

Very interesting, particularly on a day where Eddie Lacy was left inactive, and on a day where Thomas Rawls came back from injury and looked pretty feeble, netting 4 yards on 5 carries.  With Prosise as a clear-cut third down/2-minute back, there’s a wide open lane for Chris Carson to run through to grab hold of the starting job.  He just needs to hit it and blow past the competition.

This game also saw the return of Russell Wilson:  Run Machine.  His 12 carries were the most he’s had in a single game since the 14 he had back in 2014 against the Giants.  34 yards doesn’t sound like anything special, but a number of those runs went for first downs, including two on the touchdown drive alone!  There were definite spots where he could’ve just handed the ball off on the zone read and didn’t, and I like that a whole bunch.  The 49ers weren’t sound defensively on their quarterback contain and Wilson made them pay.  That’s going to be big as this offense continues to try to find consistency.

Finally, that throw.  The offense has been much maligned – and rightfully so – for going seven quarters without a touchdown.  It seems to seize up inside the 10 yard line and find ways to settle for field goals instead of punching the ball over the goalline.  When all appeared lost, down 9-6, on 3rd down from the 9 yard line, the pocket collapsed around him and it looked like we’d be settling for a tie.  It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve seen some of that good ol’ Russell Wilson magic, but it reappeared yesterday.  He ducked under two defenders – who somehow managed to run past our O-Line, only to run into one another – scrambled up into the pocket and threw a laser to Paul Richardson at the side of the endzone for the go-ahead score.  Everything about that was ESSENTIAL to how this team won football games in 2012-2014.

Also, shoutout to P-Rich for catching the game winning TD with a broken/dislocated finger.  STUD!

I’ll leave it at that, because I want to believe things are headed on the right track, but I just can’t figure out a way this team succeeds next week in Tennessee.  I’m just glad we got the first win of the season and we can all quickly move on.

My Angry Fucking Seahawks/49ers Review

There’s a lot to dig into with this game, so I’m gonna split it up into two posts.  Look for My Happy Fucking Seahawks/49ers Review a little later.  Spoiler Alert:  it should be a lot shorter than this one.

The Seahawks played like dogshit yesterday.  There’s no other way to describe it.  Even when the offense was going good, there’d be a drop, or a breakdown in protection, or a lack of pocket awareness by Russell Wilson, or a baffling string of play calls, and all that good would be derailed.  And yeah, the defense held Brian Hoyer to 99 yards passing, but they gave up a whopping 124 yards rushing to Carlos Hyde, on only 15 carries!  On the day, the 49ers rushed for an average of 8.4 yards per carry!  If you put even a SEMI-competent quarterback on that team, the Seahawks would’ve lost handily.

Let me repeat that:  the Seahawks – AT HOME – nearly lost to the 49ers, a team coming off of a 2-14 season, with a new coaching staff, a rookie GM straight out of the broadcast booth, and a backup quarterback masquerading as a starting quarterback until they can draft somebody better in 2018.  Now, granted, I like Kyle Shanahan a lot.  I think he completely transformed the Falcons into a dominant force last season, and I think he’s got a lot of great things in store as a head coach.  I also like what they were able to do with their draft this year, and could see John Lynch really working out if they can manage to find their quarterback of the future (either via the draft, or via signing Kirk Cousins to a megadeal).  But, come on!  At this point, the 49ers shouldn’t pose a threat!  They CERTAINLY shouldn’t find themselves ahead 9-6 in the fourth quarter in the driving rain of Seattle, Washington!

Look, there was never a point where I was looking forward to this game last week.  It’s almost one of those proverbial “no-win” situations.  If you kill the 49ers, then great, you’ve killed the 49ers and it’s a boring game.  If you LOSE to the 49ers, then that’s it, the season’s over and we can all kill ourselves.  But … this?  Scratching and clawing to a 12-9 victory at home?  That’s almost as bad as a loss.  Now, obviously, it’s not worse.  A win is still a win and they all count the same, regardless of how pretty they are, but with the win everyone gets to gloss over the fact that the Seahawks looked terrible and in no way look like a viable playoff team going forward.

You know what I thought of when I was watching this team?  The Houston Texans.  The Texans are notorious for their 9-10 win seasons where – by virtue of the terrible division they reside in – they frequently make the playoffs as a 4-seed, before getting bounced in the first round whenever they don’t play the Bengals.  Yeah, it’s cool having an awesome defense, and it’s cool to call yourselves “Division Winners”, but how cool is it to lose every time you play a quality team?

And that’s the bottom line here.  The last two years, against the Best of the Best, the Seahawks have a record of 4-7.  When you go back to our two Super Bowl years, sure the Seahawks would drop a clunker every now and then, but they also seemed to get up for the big ones!  If they’re going to spend all their time just beating up on the bad teams and losing the games that really matter, they might as well call themselves the Mariners and get it over with!

But, if they keep playing offense the way they have through two weeks, I don’t think “beating up on the bad teams” is even on the table.

I’m going to start with Jimmy Graham, because this guy is the fucking worst.  Oh yes, I’ve found my new whipping boy!

Look, we all knew Graham was soft.  He was a big puffy cloud of cotton candy in New Orleans, and he didn’t suddenly get hard because he joined the Seahawks.  We KNEW this!  We knew this when we played against him:  if you hit Jimmy Graham in the mouth, he will become a non-factor for the rest of the game.  I don’t mean that literally, of course, but if I had all the time in the world, I’d love to do a deep dive into his career and watch all of his video.  What are his numbers when he takes a huge hit in the first quarter of a game?  Because it seems just from watching him that he shrivels up like a dick in the Arctic Ocean.  Gutless.  Weak.  A punk.  And probably worst of all:  a frontrunner.  When things come easy to him, when defenses play off-coverage, when he’s able to nab a few balls and get into the flow of the offense, Jimmy Graham will pile on the catches and yards and really look like a dominant force.  But, when the chips are down and you need a big catch in the fourth quarter of a game, where is he?  Nowhere to be fucking found.

And I’m not buying this argument that the Seahawks don’t use him right.  Fuck that.  If you’re a tight end, you have to do ALL the things tight ends do.  If you want to be a wide receiver, then tell your team that ahead of time.  But, I’ll tell you what, I don’t know a lot of teams that want a slow wide receiver on the outside with bad hands.  Sure, it’s fine when you throw fades to him in the red zone, when he can contort his body and only has to contend with one defender.  But, that’s not realistic.  He NEEDS to be able to make catches in the middle, in traffic, absorb the hits, and most importantly COME DOWN WITH THE FUCKING FOOTBALL!

The Seahawks use him just fine.  They throw to him probably MORE than he deserves.  And what has HE done to deserve the benefit of the doubt?  There’s got to be a give and take here.  Quite frankly, I no longer think it’s a coincidence that this team looked VASTLY improved in the second half of 2015 when he was OUT of the lineup.  You know what, throw all your bullshit stats at me; I’ll throw “Scoreboard” back at you.  How has this offense looked throughout 2016 and through the first two games this year?  How did this offense look in those few games in 2014 when they tried to revolve the offense around Percy Harvin.  Prima donnas don’t fucking WORK in this offense!  At this point, I’d take 8 Jermaine Kearses over an offense that tries to make Jimmy Fucking Graham its centerpiece.

So, what do you do?  I mean, you can’t cut him, but I think you can demote the shit out of him.  I think you can make Luke Willson the starter.  I think you can keep Graham on the bench outside of clear-cut passing situations.  I don’t need him fumbling blocks and being a waste of space on all running plays.  On any straight hand off to the running back, it’s already 10 vs. 11 because the quarterback is a non-factor; but, with Graham on the field, it’s like 9 vs. 11, and that’s why this team time and time again fails to move the ball on the ground.  I agree, you CAN’T call Jimmy Graham your starting tight end, but only play him in passing situations; so stop starting him.

And, when he’s out there in passing downs, keep throwing him into heavy coverage.  Either he’ll adapt to the harder hits and start catching these fucking passes, or he’ll get himself injured, and you can just cut him and move on.  Yes, I’m ACTIVELY rooting for Jimmy Graham to get injured; better him than someone who can actually help this team win fucking football games!

I would suggest trading him, but that doesn’t seem very realistic either.  Part of me thinks putting him in the AFC would be ideal (my fantasy team would appreciate it if he joined the Patriots, who very much should be trying to trade for him at this point, what with their receiver situation and Gronk’s injury history), but from a strict football standpoint, I think it’d be better for the Seahawks to send him to an NFC rival.  Stick him on the Packers, let them start to depend upon him, and then beat the shit out of him in the playoffs and leave them scrambling to find answers for when he inevitably no-shows.  It’s how we kept beating the Saints; I don’t see why it wouldn’t work again!

And, again, as with Percy Harvin costing us a chance to extend Golden Tate, I wonder if having Jimmy Graham around cost us a chance to keep Jermaine Kearse around for one more year.  I won’t overreact to his 2-TD day with the Jets yesterday, but I will say that I’d straight up trade Graham for Kearse right now.  Regardless, having Kearse around would’ve been nice considering Tanner McEvoy dropped everything thrown in his direction, including a surefire touchdown that would’ve changed the complexion of the entire game.  Between him, Prosise, and the rest, guys were dropping balls left and right!  Prosise particularly, as Russell led him with a pass that would’ve taken him straight into the endzone on our opening drive.  He also dropped a potential third down conversion later in the game that was a crusher.

It really made Russell Wilson’s day look so much worse.  I’m not going to sit here and say he played great – he definitely had his share of poor throws and poor decisions – but it could’ve been a decent, forgettable performance had he not been greeted by so many drops.  Also, let’s not kid ourselves, he’s still running for his fucking life back there, even when the protection is kinda okay.

But, for the most part, it wasn’t okay.  It’s never GOING to be okay.  Mark Glowinski is a disaster, and he needs to not be starting for this team anymore.  I know Oday Aboushi is just a veteran on a 1-year deal, but I refuse to believe he’s worse.  I think the Seahawks see a guy they drafted, a guy under club control for a bit longer, and they want to shoot for continuity over simply just playing the five best linemen, and I get that to a point.  I think we’re in a no-win situation with Luke Joeckel, because if he turns it around and somehow plays well, he’s going to command a mint on the open market.  If he’s terrible, then he’s likely going to find himself back on the street next offseason, playing for another 1-year prove-it deal (only this time as a clear backup).  Either way, it doesn’t seem likely that he’s a longterm solution for the Seattle Seahawks at left guard.  So, to play two of these types of guys – with Aboushi at right guard – and risk losing both to free agency next year if they both play well, is a lot to handle.

But, I mean, how much more of THIS can we withstand?  Sure, there are a couple of underwhelming defensive fronts the next two weeks with the Titans and Colts, but then it’s right back to getting your ass kicked against the likes of the Rams, Giants, Texans, Cardinals, Falcons, 49ers, Eagles, Jags, Rams again, and the Cardinals again.  That’s 10 of your remaining 14 games against really good defensive fronts that should certainly give this Seattle O-Line fits.  RARE is the game we can look forward to this team being in control of the line of scrimmage.  And, I’m sure, even against those terrible fronts, we’ll still struggle, because of course we will.  No name assholes will make mincemeat out of us, and Russell Wilson will have the bumps and bruises to prove it.

And holy shit, what was THAT on defense?  That’s two years in a row where Carlos Hyde has come into our building and come away with a 100-yard game!  We’re supposed to be this elite defense at stopping the run, and we can’t stop a just-sort-of-okay running back?  He almost single-handedly cost us the game with his explosive plays!  They couldn’t do SHIT aside from his long-distance runs!

But, you know, pobody’s nerfect.  The defense has been outstanding these first two weeks, only to be repeatedly let down by this offense.  Really, since 2012, we’ve been sitting around and daydreaming about a time where the offense finally takes over.  We thought, maybe in 2014, the script would flip.  Then, after that dominant run to close out the 2015 season, we thought YES!  2016 is the year!  And here we are, now in 2017, and this offense is more inept than it’s ever been.  The defense is STILL carrying this team.  And somehow, we’re not greeted with weekly rantings by disgruntled stars on that side of the ball.

You know how I know that pre-season Seth Wickersham article is 100% accurate?  Particularly the parts that talk about the defense being upset with this offense costing the Seahawks ballgames?  Because I’m sitting here watching this team fall all over itself in the running game, and in the red zone, and everywhere else, and I know for a fact I’d be going ballistic if I was a member of this elite defense and I knew every single game was on our shoulders.  We all wanted to dismiss Wickersham – myself included – but this is a real problem, and if we blow another shot at a championship with all these stars in the prime of their careers, I think we’re going to see all the bad vibes start to snowball.

The Huskies Completed A Perfect Non-Conference Schedule

The Huskies jumped out to a 48-7 lead over Fresno State early in the third quarter and cruised to an easy victory, 48-16.

We went 3-0 against a pillowy soft non-conference schedule, beating up on the likes of Rutgers, Montana, and Fresno State by a combined score of 141-37.

Jake Browning was once again ridiculously efficient, hitting 19 of 22 for 255 yards and 4 touchdowns.  The running game didn’t get going all that great, but Myles Gaskin looked good and elusive on his 8 carries for 56 yards and 2 touchdowns.  Dante Pettis was the real star of the show, though.  Of the 5 balls he caught, 3 were for touchdowns (on 92 total yards).  On top of that, he had his third straight game with a punt return, taking over the lead for all-time punt returns in the Pac-12, and tying the overall NCAA record.  That guy is gonna KILL IT at the next level.

Defensively, the Huskies look like the real deal.  They look every bit as good as they did last year, and they also look like they could be even BETTER than they are now.  As the season goes along, this unit could morph into something really special.

But, as has been the case for the last three weeks, there’s nothing really to glean from a win over a crap team like Fresno State.  This Saturday, the first real test takes place, on the road, against a good Colorado team.  Not great, likely not as great as they were last season, but with a lot of the same pieces as last year, and they get the luxury of being at home.  They also have the luxury of being the most difficult team we will have faced this season, so it could be a real Punch To The Mouth situation.  The Huskies just need to withstand the initial storm, settle into a groove and they should be fine.

Make no mistake, this is a game the Huskies very much SHOULD win, and the line (-10) reflects that.  But, it’s no guarantee, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the Dawgs don’t cover that spread.  Ideally, you come away with a victory any way you can get it, don’t get anyone of import injured, and Colorado ends up being on the list of Quality Wins by season’s end.  They have a very reasonable schedule, with a tough road slate, so if they can steal some wins against the likes of UCLA, Wazzu, or USC at home, we could be talking about a ranked team come bowl time.

Now the REAL fun begins.  I’m gonna be in a lather come Saturday night.

Try-Hard Mariners Fall In Game Two, Leaving Playoff Hopes On Life Support

Hit me up if you need kick-ass headline writing like this!  I’m available for parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs …

It’s the weekend and there’s gonna be lots of football to get to in the next couple days, so I’m not going to break my back recapping these defeats to the Astros.  As usual, the bad guys got a quality start out of one of their plethora of aces on staff; the only difference in this loss (by a score of 8-6) is that the Mariners were able to get to their bullpen a little bit and make it interesting in the later innings.  Or, you know, you could just say we gave someone in their ‘pen a free Save Situation and call it a day.

The Quality Start streak for Erasmo Ramirez ends at six.  But, you know, who could blame him?  He just saw the Astros a couple weeks back; it’s not like they weren’t gonna adjust to whatever he was throwing at them the second time around.  I guess the downer about this one is that our own bullpen couldn’t hold things together.  Nick Vincent – on a horrendous fucking run of bad outings (at the worst possible point in the season, I might add) – gave up another couple hits and a run in his inning of work.  And, for some reason, Scott Servais decided to work newcomer Ryan Garton like a fucking dog this month (already 8 appearances in 15 games since being acquired from the Rays).  To his credit, Garton was damn near perfect until today, when he too gave up a couple hits and a run in his inning of work.

So, there’s your ballgame, in other words.  I’ve been harping on it all season:  for the Mariners to make the playoffs, they’d need their offense to hit the shit out of the ball, and they’d need their bullpen to be mostly perfect.  When those two components are lacking in any way, it’s a recipe for disaster.

There’s another one of these fucking things tomorrow morning.  We get another look at Andrew Moore in the rotation.  Should be interesting, considering he’ll be one of many rotation candidates for 2018.  Sad to say we’re already in “Watch For Next Year” mode, but at some point we’ll stop kidding ourselves and point our focus on the AAA guys who might help us out next season.  Here’s to the Blue Jays, later today, beating the Twins and delaying the inevitable!