The Seahawks Just Got Destroyed By The Rams

You could see a game like this coming; I certainly did.  The best the Seahawks could’ve hoped for was a high-scoring shootout, because you knew with all the injuries to the defense, the Rams would have no trouble moving the ball.  It was only a matter of whether or not the Seahawks’ offense would show up.  Would this be another slow start for Russell Wilson and the boys?  Well, again, given how this Rams defense – anchored by Aaron Donald and Co. – has always been really tough against us, and that was BEFORE Wade Phillips The Greatest Defensive Coordinator Of All Time took the helm, yeah, a slow start was pretty likely.  Things just kept piling up and piling up and before you knew it, the Seahawks lost 42-7 at home.

The one thing that did surprise me a little bit was how poorly the special teams played, giving up long punt return after long punt return.  But, I think that’s an indication of how banged up this team is.  You get hurt on defense, you pull from special teams to fill the holes, and now you’re weaker everywhere as a result.

There isn’t anything good to say about any of the Seahawks in this game, so I’ll spare you some half-assed attempt at regurgitating the stats.  Every single person was terrible.  I will point out that Bobby Wagner ended up starting, even though he was clearly limited, and looked terrible until he was mercifully pulled from the game after it had gotten out of hand.  Earl Thomas said something to the effect that he probably shouldn’t have been out there, followed by Wagner going on Twitter to call him out.  So, that’s how it’s going in Seahawksland, everyone.

The Seahawks are now 8-6 and in the 8th spot in the NFC playoffs.  And yet, they still have a chance – however remote – to sneak into the playoffs as a 6-seed.  First and foremost, they need to win out (obviously).  That’s next week, in Dallas, with Ezekiel Elliott returning from suspension to rush for 200+ yards on us, and then in the finale, at home, against the hapless Cardinals.  The Rams may be elite, the 49ers may be on the fast track for immediate success, but at least we’re not Cardinals fans, you guys.  That may be the silverest of linings I can think of.

Anyway, on top of winning out, the Seahawks need the Falcons to go 1-2, because of their head-to-head loss to them on Monday Night.  The Falcons play in Tampa tonight, which means they need to lose their final two games:  at New Orleans and vs. Carolina.

Then, because of tie-breakers, the Seahawks need the Lions to finish 1-1.  They play at Cincinnati and vs. Green Bay.  So, either we hope for a miracle in Cincy, or we hope Aaron Rodgers is still playing in a meaningless football game (for the Packers) two weeks from now.

So, as you can see, it’s not a great set of odds, but the Seahawks haven’t been officially eliminated.

But, I mean, why would you root for that?  If you’re a Seahawks fan, why would you want to see THIS team make the playoffs?  Just so they can get destroyed again against the Rams in the Wild Card round?  What does that get you?

For what it’s worth, I believe the point is moot, because I think the Seahawks will lose down in Dallas next week.  And I think it’s a coin flip that we beat the Cards in Week 17.  8-8 is still very much a possibility, which is a total bummer.

There’s going to be a lot of talk about blowing it up and rebuilding this week, and in the weeks ahead.  It’s not going to be fun.  Then, it’ll be baseball season and that won’t be fun either.  Sports around here are going to be pretty hard to watch for a while.  Happy Monday, everyone.

The Home Stretch Seattle Sports Hell Power Rankings

Allow me to slide into your Decembers.

  • New England (10-2)
  • Philadelphia (10-2)
  • Minnesota (10-2)
  • L.A. Rams (9-3)
  • New Orleans (9-3)
  • Pittsburgh (10-2)
  • Carolina (8-4)
  • Jacksonville (8-4)

I’m not gonna drop the Eagles down further just because they lost a tough road game they were probably due to lose.  I still think they’re pretty great, and pretty complete, and could beat the Vikings and everyone else below them on a neutral field.  That having been said, the turnaround for the Pats after the first month of the season is astonishing.  Their defense really looked dead in the water; they were grasping for Cassius Marsh straws for crying out loud!  Also, it’s time to stop taking the Steelers so seriously; they’ve looked bad against too many bad teams – 10-2 record be damned – so they’re knocked down a peg.  Not for nothing, but there are too many talented NFC teams; I’m not sure I shouldn’t have the Panthers above the Steelers to boot!  Finally, my money is on the Jags beating the Seahawks this week, hence their Top 8 status.

  • Atlanta (7-5)
  • Seattle (8-4)
  • L.A. Chargers (6-6)
  • Baltimore (7-5)
  • Tennessee (8-4)
  • Detroit (6-6)
  • Dallas (6-6)
  • Green Bay (6-6)

I’ll start to change my tune about the Seahawks if they decide they want to beat a team they probably shouldn’t beat.  Until then, I still have the Falcons ahead of them.  Gotta like that Baltimore defense.  Can’t quite write off the Cowboys just yet.  And, I’m making Green Bay my huge gainer, because I think it’s pretty obvious that they’re going to keep beating enough bad teams to give Aaron Rodgers a chance to come back and sneak them into the playoffs.  It’s so obvious it makes me want to puke.

  • Buffalo (6-6)
  • Kansas City (6-6)
  • Oakland (6-6)
  • N.Y. Jets (5-7)
  • Washington (5-7)
  • Cincinnati (5-7)
  • Arizona (5-7)
  • Miami (5-7)

You want a gambling Lock of the Week?  Take the OVER on the Kansas City/Oakland game.  I don’t care what it is, no number is too high!  Those two defenses are the worst I’ve ever seen!  This year.  Well, over the last couple months anyway.  Hold on, the over/under is only 47.5?!?!  Dude, jump on that NOW!  Also, while I’m looking at it, take the UNDER in the New Orleans/Atlanta game.  Thursday Night, no way it goes over 53.5.  Finally, I’d take a look at some of these home dogs, like Carolina +3 over Minnesota, Cleveland +3.5 over Green Bay, Arizona +3 over Tennessee, and the Giants +5 over the Cowboys.

  • Tampa Bay (4-8)
  • Houston (4-8)
  • San Francisco (2-10)
  • Denver (3-9)
  • Indianapolis (3-9)
  • Chicago (3-9)
  • N.Y. Giants (2-10)
  • Cleveland (0-12)

I like that Jimmy Garoppolo kid, I tell you what.  Those 49ers are doing some fine things down there in Santa Clara!  Good for the Giants to ditch that head coach and GM; bad on ownership to listen to them and bench Eli in the first place.  Can the Browns do the unthinkable and finish 0-16?  Honestly, their best chance to win is probably this week, as they host the Rodgers-less Packers.  If they blow that opportunity, their home finale is next week against the Ravens; that feels like a pretty easy loss.  Their next-best chance to win is at Chicago the following week, but the Bears’ defense is pretty good, particularly at home.  Then, in Week 17, they go to Pittsburgh, who at that point might be locked into the 2-seed and playing for nothing.  Even still, hard not to like the Steelers’ reserves over the Browns’ starters.

The Seattle Russell Wilsons Beat The Eagles

There are four games to go, so obviously a lot can happen.  There are a lot of hot takes out there, and people are going to be bringing ’em this week when they talk about how Russell Wilson should be in the MVP conversation, but I’m here to tell you that through 12 games, Russell Wilson IS the MVP.  There is no team that depends on a single player the way the Seahawks depend on Wilson.  An argument could be made for Aaron Rodgers and Green Bay, but no one ever votes for the guy who gets injured for the majority of the season, even though the evidence is clear as day on the field (watch literally any Brett Hundley-started game), but I would argue Wilson means more.  Where Wilson goes, so go the Seattle Seahawks.  It may not be what everyone wants, but it’s what we’ve got, and it’s time to embrace that fact.

Wilson was again fabulous last night, as the Seahawks won 24-10.  227 yards passing, all 3 TDs, a 118.6 rating, and 31 yards on the ground.  The Seahawks converted 50% of their third downs and maybe more importantly, were in control the entire way, as they jumped out to a 10-0 first quarter lead and cruised to the finish.

There was a real Team Effort vibe to this win, as it didn’t come easy.  Yeah, the Eagles were held to 10 points, but they racked up 425 yards, and there were a number of impact plays that could’ve swung the game in any direction.  Most infamously was probably the first drive out of halftime.  The Seahawks were up 10-3, and the Eagles got the ball to start.  The running game was churning along, and Wentz led them right down the field (including a quarterback sneak on 4th & 1 when they were in field goal range).  Wentz kept the ball and looked like he was going to punch in a 5-yard TD run, but Sheldon Richardson knocked the ball out and Michael Wilhoite made sure the ball went through the back of the endzone for a turnover.  Score there, and the game is likely tied with most of the second half left to play.

Then, there were a couple of Eagles drives that resulted in punts, when they had 4th & short opportunities to convert near midfield.  Seattle scored a field goal on the opening drive of the game, and the Eagles responded with a punt from their own 47 yard line, when Wentz could’ve easily snuck the ball across for the 1 yard they needed (he would go on to do just that a couple other times in this game, with predictably successful results).  Right before the half, the Eagles had the ball 4th & 2 from the Seattle 46 and punted.  Then, they DID go for it on 4th & 3 from the Seattle 25, in the second half, down 17-3, but failed.  And again, after trading scores to make the game 24-10, they went for a 4th & 6 from the Seattle 40 and failed.  Convert any of those opportunities, and you have to wonder how this game would’ve turned out.

I remain convinced the Seahawks would’ve won regardless, as I thought our offense had a good handle on this game, but the biggest What If came when the Eagles brought the game to within 17-10, on a drive that was ALL Carson Wentz (showing what a thorn in our sides he’ll surely be for years to come, including an insane 51 yard pass on 3rd & long as he was falling to his right, nearly sacked).  The Seahawks had a 3rd & 8 from around midfield.  Wilson kept it for 6 yards and lateralled to Mike Davis for another 17, but on replay it looked like the ball ended up going forward, which would’ve not only taken back the first down, but would’ve added a 5-yard penalty that surely would’ve resulted in a Seahawks punt.  We ended up scoring a touchdown to go up 14, and essentially sock away the victory, but punt there and all the momentum is going Philly’s way.  Why they never challenged that, I’ll never know.  I get that you already blew one of your challenges earlier, but that play was SO HUGE!  I’d rather lose the challenge if it even POSSIBLY means getting the ball back.

It’s tough to know what this game means in the grand scheme of things.  Obviously, we’re talking about a primetime game and a victory over the consensus best team in football, but so much was going in Seattle’s favor:  being at home, Philly being due for an ugly loss, Seattle being due for a really clean game (only 5 penalties, no turnovers, no huge breakdowns in protection, and even a respectable game from the running backs).  But, this changes nothing.  The Seahawks are still a game back of the Rams.  The Falcons and Panthers lost, so now we’re currently in the 5-seed.  But, we’re still two games back of the top seed in the NFC, and if we turn right around and lose to the Jags this Sunday, it’ll be all for naught.

We’ve been here before in recent seasons.  All the hype is behind Seattle, as the rest of the NFL collectively says, “Here we go again with these Seahawks!”  It’s December, the team has a terrific record in the month of December, and even though we might only be a Wild Card team, we’re that proverbial “Team You Don’t Want To Face In The Playoffs”.  Even though you absolutely wouldn’t care if you faced the Seahawks, as long as you’re the home team, but whatever.  This is all familiar territory, and we all – as Seahawks fans – lose our collective shit, salivating over the next four weeks and all the possibilities.  Hey!  12-4 COULD be a top 2 seed!  HEY, just win out and the Rams go on the road for the playoffs!  And so on and so forth.

And you know what happens next?  The Seahawks go out the very next week and lay an egg.  Last year, it was the last game in November, but it was the Bucs game, where we could only muster 5 points in a demoralizing 14-5 defeat.  The year before, it was a primetime game in Arizona, that we lost 39-32, but ironically kickstarted a 5-game winning streak.

I’m just saying, don’t let the Jags sneak up on you.  This is EXACTLY the type of defense that should suck any momentum right out of this team.

Enjoy the win for now, but don’t get too caught up in all the hype.  There’s a lot of ways this thing can turn to shit.

The End Of November Seattle Sports Hell Power Rankings

Just wondering, are any other fantasy football owners of Ezekiel Elliott now limping into the playoffs, soon to meet a staggering demise when they’d once looked like world-beaters?

I have him in two (10-team, 2-QB) leagues.  In one league, I drafted him in the middle of the fourth round.  That team is currently in first place; thankfully, I was able to maneuver my team and gather in enough reinforcements to keep things afloat.  If things continue, I see no reason why I shouldn’t compete for a championship (with Elliott returning in Week 16 to give me that final boost over the top).

In my other league, it’s not only a 10-team, 2-QB league, but it’s also a 3-Keeper league with 6 playoff spots (top 2 get BYEs in the first round).  Elliott was to be another team’s keeper, and with the 6-game suspension looming, I pounced on him before the draft, giving up Brandin Cooks in the process.  I figured I’d struggle in the early going, but go on a run towards the end of the season, maybe sneak into the playoffs and roar through to a championship.  That was the plan anyway.

And then the suspension kept getting kicked down the road, and I thought maybe I’d luck out and he’d avoid the suspension altogether!  Or, at the very least, either knock it down a few games, or delay it to the 2018 season.  Instead, the suspension kicked in at almost the worst possible time.

Three weeks ago, in this keeper league, I was in first place, looking like a strong candidate for one of the BYEs.  Three weeks later, I’m on a 3-game losing streak.  This week will be the last one before the playoffs; I could very well lose in the first round, before I even get a chance to put Elliott back into my lineup!

The real kick in the pants is that Dak Prescott has fallen apart; he’s one of my two quarterbacks (alongside Carson Wentz, who is looking like the best QB I’ve ever kept).  You’d think a GOOD quarterback would step up to the occasion; with Elliott down, he’d pick up the slack and keep the Cowboys’ offense moving.  Instead, he’s gotten me less than 1 point in the last two weeks, and is causing me to reconsider his candidacy as one of my three keepers for next year (the other option would be Leonard Fournette, whose first six weeks were Elliott-level outstanding, but whose last six weeks have been sucking my will to live).  I mean, if Dak can’t get it done because everything around him isn’t absolutely perfect (RB suspension, offensive line injuries), then how can he be counted upon for the long haul?

I’d hate to be a Dallas Cowboys fan right now, I’ll tell you that much.  Bring back Tony Romo indeed!

  • Philadelphia (10-1)
  • New England (9-2)
  • Minnesota (9-2)
  • Pittsburgh (9-2)
  • L.A. Rams (8-3)
  • New Orleans (8-3)
  • Carolina (8-3)
  • Atlanta (7-4)

A lot of good teams beat up on a lot of bad teams this past week.  The most impressive win was probably the Vikings over the Lions; they look like the real deal.  The Rams also took down the Saints, which gives them quite the boost.  I’ll be interested to see how the NFC South shakes out.

  • Jacksonville (7-4)
  • Seattle (7-4)
  • L.A. Chargers (5-6)
  • Detroit (6-5)
  • Tennessee (7-4)
  • Baltimore (6-5)
  • Buffalo (6-5)
  • Kansas City (6-5)

The Jags’ amazing defense is going to keep them in every game, which is good.  Their terrible offense is going to give them a chance to lose every game too.  They’re simultaneously the team no one wants to play in the playoffs as well as the team no one really fears all that much.  I think the Chargers are going to steamroll over the competition the rest of the way; look out for them in the Wild Card round.  And what the fuck happened to the Chiefs???

  • Washington (5-6)
  • Dallas (5-6)
  • Oakland (5-6)
  • Cincinnati (5-6)
  • Arizona (5-6)
  • Green Bay (5-6)
  • Tampa Bay (4-7)
  • N.Y. Jets (4-7)

All those 5-6 teams thought they were going to be considerably better heading into the season.  And yet, none of them are really eliminated!  I’d watch out for Oakland and Cincy, as I could see either of them snatching that 6-seed in the AFC.  The loser of the Dallas/Washington game this week is probably finished.  Also, good on the Packers for looking frisky against the Steelers (who notoriously play down to the level of their competition, but still).  If the Packers can steal a couple games before Aaron Rodgers gets back, I’d be concerned if I was the rest of the NFC.

  • Miami (4-7)
  • Houston (4-7)
  • Denver (3-8)
  • Indianapolis (3-8)
  • Chicago (3-8)
  • N.Y. Giants (2-9)
  • San Francisco (1-10)
  • Cleveland (0-11)

I give you:  the least fun teams to watch on TV and/or root for.

Are You Not Entertained: Seahawks Flush Season Down The Toilet

The game couldn’t have started off any worse.  First drive:  Atlanta marched right down the field for a touchdown.  The defense got caught by a couple penalties and our shaky secondary got picked on.  Jeremy Lane couldn’t have been more useless last night in proving what a collosal drop-off he is from Richard Sherman.  Of course, it wouldn’t be the Seattle Seahawks without more catastrophic injuries, hence the Shaq Griffin loss on the opening drive.  He was replaced by Byron Maxwell, who did okay, but I really would’ve liked to have seen what Griffin could’ve done in this matchup (and I REALLY would’ve liked to have seen what the defense would’ve looked like with Griffin on one side and Maxwell on the other, with Lane in the Dime package, if on the field at all).

Then, as Tyler Lockett brought back his first of many tremendous kickoff returns out past the 50 yard line, it looked like we’d be in for a barn-burner.  Instead, Russell Wilson threw a mind-boggling interception on 2nd & 1, which led to another easy Atlanta touchdown.  On the back of another quality kickoff return, the Seahawks pulled the game back to within 7 points on yet another nifty touchdown to Jimmy Graham, and after forcing the first of only 3 Atlanta punts, it looked like we’d climb back into this thing.

Not so fast:  another disastrous play by Wilson – this time a sack/fumble – led to a defensive touchdown and a 21-7 Atlanta lead.

The Seahawks and Falcons went back and forth the rest of the half, with Atlanta leading 24-17 with a little over a minute left to go.  The Seahawks got into field goal range almost immediately, and then they did what all shitty teams do:  they settled for that field goal.  EXCEPT NOT SO FAST!  They had a fake all lined up and ready to go, which was killed on Twitter all last night and will continue to be killed in Seattle the rest of this week, but I’m telling you right now:  that fake would’ve worked if it didn’t get blown up by Grady Jarrett, who flew past the long snapper and stopped Luke Willson in the backfield.  You stop that guy, and the Seahawks had that thing blocked all the way to the endzone.  Instead, it’s a missed field goal opportunity (which, when you figure you’ve got Blair Walsh, is at best a 50/50 proposition, from any distance 40 yards or closer), and a reason to point fingers at the coaching staff.

The Seahawks moved the ball all day, at will.  I know there were turnovers and whatnot, but Jon Ryan only punted once all day.  Tyler Lockett racked up 197 yards in kickoff returns alone, and the offense tacked on another 360.  Russell Wilson accounted for 258 yards passing, with another 86 yards rushing, and 3 combined touchdowns.  Of course, he gets dinged for the pick and the fumble leading directly to 14 Atlanta points (pretty important when the Seahawks only lost by 3), but yeah, let’s go ahead and put all of this on the coaches.

The way I see it, there was only one time I was disappointed in Pete Carroll, and that’s when he challenged the Doug Baldwin drop.  I know, he’s Doug Baldwin, and believing he caught the ball inspires more confidence than what your own eyes tell you, but you can’t listen to him in that situation.  You’ve got to trust in your staff who – upon seeing that replay JUST ONCE – should’ve been telling you to stay away from that red challenge flag.  And, if the staff didn’t tell you that, then someone should be fired, because they were asleep on the job.  That timeout was WAY more important than stroking some wide receiver’s ego, and I’ll argue that cost us the game more than the fake field goal attempt.

Even still, the Seahawks had a chance.  I tried to predict a Seahawks victory with 3:49 left in the game, down 11 points.  And, sure enough, we marched right down the field, scoring on an impressive throw to Baldwin with 3 minutes to go in the game.  Hell, we even hit the 2-point conversion!  (which, in hindsight, might’ve actually lost us the game, as I have to believe we would’ve been more aggressive in that final drive – as opposed to settling for the game-tying field goal try – if we were down by 5 points).

In the end, the Seahawks got the ball back, down 3, with almost 2 full minutes to go in the game (and no time outs).  And again, they got into Falcons territory super quick … and then proceeded to throw short pass after short pass, instead of going for the jugular and winning this thing in regulation.  I’ll never understand how Pete Carroll can be so aggressive one minute, and so conservative the next.  There’s really no rhyme or reason to it sometimes.

But, there we were, a 52 yard field goal away from sending this game into overtime.  A game we’d been losing since the opening drive, would’ve finally been tied for the first time since 0-0.  It was straight enough, it looked on target, but it fell just under the crossbar for the soul-crushing defeat.  Blair Walsh needs to be off this team going into 2018, that’s all I’ve got to say.  He obviously doesn’t trust his leg – which is why he put all his focus into making sure it was on target, as opposed to putting the oomph required to get the ball to fly 52 fucking yards – he’s a mental case, and he doesn’t deserve to be on this team.  Period.

You can say this about every single loss, but there really is a lot of blame to go around.  Some people blame the fake field goal.  Some people blame the botched challenge.  How about blaming Doug Baldwin for dropping an easy 3rd down conversion late in the game?  Or, how about punting in that situation when you know your fucking defense couldn’t stop a God damn thing?  You’ll notice the Falcons got a field goal right after that sequence, to go up two scores; if we go for it on 4th down and fail, HEY, they’re in field goal range already and maybe we save a couple minutes!

You can blame the dropping-ass receivers, you can blame the refs for clearly looking for reasons to throw flags on us (while overlooking all the holding and interfering the Falcons were doing on very similar-looking plays), you can blame the secondary for not only allowing Julio Jones to do whatever he wanted, but for making the rest of their mediocre receivers look like Julio Fucking Jones.  You can even play Poor Me and blame all the injuries, because if we’re being honest, if you put both of these two teams on the same field at full strength, the Seahawks would wipe the floor with the Falcons.

But, for me, the number one culprit in why the Seahawks lost falls squarely on the defensive line.  Specifically the pass rush, as the rush defense was okay, aside from not tightening up on the goalline.  4 QB hits?  1 sack?  Matt Ryan had all FUCKING day to throw the ball!  And I don’t give a shit if he spent most of the day getting the ball out quick, do you understand how many resources we’ve piled into bolstering this D-Line?  Even without Avril, we’ve got Michael Bennett (big money contract), we’ve got Frank Clark (high draft pick, could’ve been a first rounder if not for his trouble in college), we’ve got Sheldon Richardson (All Pro talent, who we traded away a 2nd round pick for), we’ve got Dion Jordan (taking a flier on the 3rd overall draft pick in 2013), we’ve got Naz Jones (another relatively high draft pick), we’ve got Dwight Freeney (a future Hall of Famer who was non-existent in this game), and we regularly run K.J. Wright and Bobby Wagner up the middle on blitzes (two Pro Bowl/All Pro type talents at linebacker).  WE HAVE ALL OF THAT, and all we could muster were 4 QB hits and 1 measly sack?

Un-fucking-acceptable.  All we heard about all off-season and all pre-season was about how the Seahawks were going all in on making the pass rush better, and it looks NO DIFFERENT than it did last year, in spite of the influx of all this new talent.  What a fucking joke; the D-Line should be fucking ashamed of the performance it’s put up this season, and in particular last night.

You’re at home for Christ’s sake!  You’ve got nearly 70,000 screaming fans at your back!  You’ve got the other team scrambling with their silent counts and getting guys lined up correctly, and that’s as good as you’ve got?  Fuck that.  Fuck that and fuck you.

As noted by countless people, this loss knocks the Seahawks out of the division lead and out of the playoffs entirely, if they started today.  But, I mean, who cares now?  It’s not like this team has a Super Bowl run in it anyway.  I mentioned this on Twitter last night and I think it’s very appropriate today:  should we even be rooting for the Seahawks to make the playoffs?  What’s a pointless Wild Card game going to prove?  Give me the Top 20 draft pick.  Get a REAL impact player in here to start ruffling some feathers.

This isn’t a good team, particularly the defense.  It’s really sad to watch.  A once-pround, dominant group has now given up over 30 points in 3 of 10 games.  And sure, the offense looks better than ever, but no one ever said “Offense Wins Championships.”  Russell Wilson is great, and if you were voting on the award objectively (and not based on which team has the most wins), he is clearly the NFL’s Most Valuable Player (because without him, we’d be even worse than the Green Bay Packers without Aaron Rodgers, which is saying a lot) – also, for the record, Tyron Smith, left tackle of the Dallas Cowboys, is probably #2 on the Objective MVP list, with how that team has fallen apart since he went down, but that’s neither here nor there.  But, Russell Wilson can’t do it all.  He can’t be quarterback AND running back AND wide receiver AND cover guys on special teams AND kick field goals AND cover guys on defense AND sack the quarterback.  I mean, he’s Russell Wilson, he’s not 53 guys.

My Unhelpful Preview Of Tonight’s Seahawks/Cardinals Game

The Seahawks just have to win.  That’s it!  End of post!  It’s patently ridiculous that the Seahawks are at this point, it’s ridiculous that they lost to the Redskins last week, and frankly it’s ridiculous how they’ve lost all three of those games this season.  We’re a game behind the Rams now – who look like a fucking murderer’s row the way they’re beating some of these teams (although, curiously, they too lost a home game to the Redskins, which just might be one of those teams unaffected by the 3-timezone change) – and if you haven’t seen their schedule, it’s so close to Seattle’s it’s eerie!

Their AFC road games are at the Jags and Titans, as are ours.  Their road NFC East games are at the Cowboys and Giants, as are ours.  They play last year’s 3rd place NFC South team – the Saints – at home; we play last year’s 1st place NFC South team – the Falcons – at home.  They play last year’s 3rd place NFC North team – the Vikings – on the road; we play last year’s 1st place NFC North team – the Packers – on the road.  Literally the only difference is the order in which we play these teams.  Which thus far has hurt the Seahawks, because we had to grapple with Aaron Rodgers and Deshaun Watson when they were still healthy; they avoid Watson, and get to face whatever backup Vikings QB is in the lineup in two weeks.

If I’m being honest, it’s hard to find two more losses on the Rams’ schedule, unless they start suffering significant injuries.  Their toughest games are both at home, against the Saints and Eagles.  Other than that, MAYBE the Vikings’ defense poses some threat, but I’m not really a believer in those guys.  So, either the Seahawks need to win their remaining 8 games – including at home against the Rams to take the season head-to-head tie-breaker – or the Rams need to start dropping some games they should otherwise win.

Also, not for nothing, but going 8-0 is pretty much a prerequisite for getting a first round BYE in the playoffs, which sounds pretty impossible when you’ve got the Falcons and Eagles at home, and the Jags and Cowboys on the road.  You scoff at the Jags, but have you SEEN their defense?  Now imagine those guys going up against this Seattle offense (particularly this Seattle offensive line), and understand the game is in Florida, at 10am Pacific time, and you’ll see why I’m freaking out here.

That’s obviously getting ahead of things by quite a bit.  Taking this second half of the season as one big chunk is insane; we’re going to have to take this one game at a time, just like Russell Wilson always says.  Forget about everything else, the Seahawks just need to go 1-0 tonight.

Of course, they SHOULD go 1-0 tonight, because the Cards are pretty terrible.  But, they also SHOULD have gone 1-0 last week at home against the Redskins, and you saw what happened.  Remember last year, when the Seahawks SHOULD have won down in Arizona, but dicked around all night and ended up with a 6-6 tie?  Remember why that happened?  Remember a certain kicker missing a certain number of field goals to cost this team a win?  Remember how that kicker frequently missed kicks down in Arizona because their field is garbage?  And remember how that kicker is now kicking in Buffalo, and the Seahawks went and signed Blair Walsh for some God-foresaken reason?

That 6-6 football game last year was EASILY the worst game of the entire season, across the entire NFL.  I’m just saying, don’t be shocked if we’re in for something similar tonight.

We all know Arizona is awful.  Their record is 4-4, which sounds insane, until you’ve seen who they beat:  Indy, San Francisco, Tampa Bay, San Francisco again.  So, three of the very worst teams in the league.  They lost to the Lions, Cowboys, Eagles, and Rams.  So, three of the very best teams in the league (and the Lions).  That 4-4 record feels like a lie, but given the discrepancy of their opponents, it’s hard to get a true read on just how bad the Cards really are.  Tonight should be a good litmus test, and it would be, if it weren’t being played on Thursday Night.

[SECTION WHERE I TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I DESPISE THURSDAY GAMES]

(it’s just easier that way)

No Carson Palmer, no David Johnson; so two of their three best offensive players are gone.  Larry Fitzgerald is still the ageless wonder, and Drew Stanton is still a good fit in Bruce Arians’ offense as a backup quarterback.  He takes care of the ball for the most part, and puts his team in position to win more often than not.  And, he’s got Adrian Peterson to hand the ball off to, who is averaging 4.2 yards per carry since coming over from the Saints.  The key tonight is, obviously, prevent AP from keeping them on schedule and force Stanton to beat you down field.  Even without Earl Thomas, that shouldn’t be a concern for the Seahawks.

Defensively, the Cards aren’t very good.  27th in points per game, 23rd in yards per game.  They’re 24th in passing yards per game at 249.3, and 11th in rushing yards per game at 100.5.  Since the Seahawks can’t run the ball anyway, tonight would be a poor night to try to shoehorn that into our offense.  Just throw it on them!  Throw away from Patrick Peterson and take what’s given to you!  I expect Jimmy Graham to have a big one here, so expect him to colossally disappoint.

I’ll say this:  they don’t have Calais Campbell anymore, which is the best news I’ve heard all year (the downside is that he’s currently tearing shit up on the Jags, who we play in December).  I’m not saying it’ll be smooth sailing against that front seven, but any time you can avoid CC destroying the interior of your O-Line, it’s a leg up for the good guys.

Take care of business, Seahawks.  Or so help me God.

The Approximately-Midseason Seattle Sports Hell Power Rankings

Slowly but surely, we’re narrowing in on something approaching a consensus of who’s good, who’s bad, and who’s in the middle (spoiler alert:  a lot of teams are in the middle).  Let’s get going:

  • Philadelphia (7-1)
  • Kansas City (6-2)
  • Seattle (5-2)
  • New England (6-2)
  • Pittsburgh (6-2)
  • Minnesota (6-2)
  • L.A. Rams (5-2)
  • New Orleans (5-2)

The only change to my Elite Eight was swapping out Houston for New Orleans.  I hate to admit it, but the Saints look pretty okay!  All they’ve ever needed is quasi-competence on defense, and it appears they have it.  In an underwhelming NFC South, that should be all that’s required to run away with it.  Also, an impressive Monday Night win to get the Chiefs back on track.  Of course, I’m higher on the Seahawks than most, and they just got a living, breathing left tackle, so WATCH OUT AMERICA!  Like the rest of you, I can’t wait for the Philly/Seattle game on Sunday Night in December.  NBC is SO lucky they got that one.

  • Dallas (4-3)
  • Houston (3-4)
  • Buffalo (5-2)
  • Atlanta (4-3)
  • Detroit (3-4)
  • Washington (3-4)
  • Carolina (5-3)
  • L.A. Chargers (3-5)

I’ll be curious to see how the Cowboys handle not having Ezekiel Elliott (assuming his suspension sticks).  I still like the Texans an awful lot and think they’re poised to rip off a bunch of wins in a row.  Can’t deny Buffalo’s grit and determination; too bad it’ll all be for naught.  A rebuilding program CLEARLY in the market for a new quarterback (even though they already have a good one in Tyrod Taylor) doesn’t need a meaningless playoff appearance.  I’ve hated the hiring of Sark in Atlanta from day 1, and from the looks of things the rest of the fanbase is right there with me.  I also sort of think the Panthers are frauds and will finish right around .500.  Finally, I think the Chargers have been ridiculously unlucky with a pretty difficult schedule, and are better than their record indicates.

  • Oakland (3-5)
  • Denver (3-4)
  • Tennessee (4-3)
  • Jacksonville (4-3)
  • Baltimore (4-4)
  • N.Y. Jets (3-5)
  • Tampa Bay (2-5)
  • Green Bay (4-3)

The eight most disappointing teams in the NFL?  I know I was pretty high on Oakland and Tennessee.  A lot of other people were pretty high on Denver and Baltimore.  We all got suckered in by Hard Knocks with the Bucs.  You’re a fool if you didn’t like Green Bay heading into the season; who could’ve seen A-Rod suffering another collarbone injury?  And the Jets are disappointing for the wrong reasons:  winning ANY games when they should be tanking for the draft.  The Jags are in a similar boat, but their defense looks like it’ll be legit for years to come.

  • Cincinnati (3-4)
  • N.Y. Giants (1-6)
  • Miami (4-3)
  • Arizona (3-4)
  • Chicago (3-5)
  • Indianapolis (2-6)
  • San Francisco (0-8)
  • Cleveland (0-8)

I’ve never been a huge Dalton fan, but how did the rest of the Bengals get so mediocre?  I could see, with the pressure totally off, the Giants at least playing better football, even if their schedule dictates they’ll likely be drafting in the Top 5 next year.  The Dolphins are a bunch of total frauds.  The Cards are fucked without Palmer and better hope their defense carries them in a big way.  The Bears have a dominant defense, but are getting nothing from their rookie QB.  The Colts are a huge mess.  As are the 49ers and Browns, but why do I get the feeling the 49ers are more capable of bouncing back next year (particularly with newcomer Jimmy Garoppolo)?

The Triumphant Return Of The Seattle Sports Hell Power Rankings

The early theme through 7 weeks in this NFL season is how there aren’t any elite teams.  While it does feel that way, I also think we could be singing a different tune after another 7 weeks.  Mostly, I just think it’s an overreaction to the fact that the Patriots’ defense stinks, Aaron Rodgers is injured, and a 25 year old Peyton Manning isn’t walking through that door to help carry some unfortunate team into the playoffs.

I mean, Kansas City looks like the clear best team in the AFC right now, and does anyone trust the likes of Alex Smith in a do-or-die playoff game?  He certainly looks better than he ever has before, but can he pull his team back from a 2-score deficit against a competent defense?  I know I have my doubts.

Another theme, more locally focused, is that the vast majority of the NFL-covering public is ignoring the Seattle Seahawks.  Which is pretty understandable.  The Seahawks feel like more or less the same story being told over and over again for the fifth straight year.  The media likes a new, exciting story.  Carson Wentz!  Dak Prescott!  Jacksonville’s defense!  Deshaun Watson!  The Los Angeles Rams!

With the Seahawks, what do you have?  A boringly elite defense (they don’t generate a ton of turnovers or a ton of sacks; they mostly just grind you down and force you to be perfect to slowly bleed them), a shaky offensive line, and a quarterback who – aside from a half season without Jimmy Graham – hasn’t really figured out the whole Pocket Passer thing to the degree that a Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers has.  It’s the same thing virtually every season, and while it’s a recipe for success, it’s also just not a sexy story to keep championing.  Ho hum, the Seahawks are a playoff team and a Super Bowl contender, same as they’ve been since 2012.

Ordinarily, I think this would bother me a lot more, mostly because I think a lot of teams get short shrift in the media in lieu of over-coverage of teams like the Patriots, Steelers, Cowboys, Giants, and Jets.  But, I’m actually okay with it.  For starters, the Seahawks haven’t really earned the type of coverage I’m talking about; come back when you’ve beaten a good team in convincing fashion.  Also, I think this is the type of season where the Seahawks could benefit from a lack of a target on their backs.

Yes, the narrative is that there are no elite teams, but is that really true?

I think, before too long, the Seahawks could be the clear best team in the NFL.  Frankly, the defense is already there, waiting for the offense to catch up.  And, make no mistake, we’re all bemoaning the struggles of this offense, but they HAVE made strides as the season has gone along.  More importantly, if they can just clean up a few things (drops, missed throws, protection issues), it’s not hard to see this as a team that scores 30+ points per game.

AND, if they do that, and don’t get destroyed by the injury bug, I think the Seahawks will be your answer to the league’s most elite team.

Of course, it won’t mean anything if the Seahawks fail to get the #1 seed in the NFC, and if the Seahawks falter at some point in the playoffs.  See, that’s another issue with the Seahawks we’ve seen over and over and over again:  they always turn it on in the second half.  Which is great!  That’s when you WANT your team to get hot!  But, they could win the rest of their regular season games by an average of 50-7, and it could still all come crumbling down with one bad matchup in the playoffs.  One crappy half of football in the Divisional Round, and POOF, another season ends without a championship.  Getting the #1 seed reduces the chances of that, as the Seahawks are unquestionably better at home than on the road, particularly in the first halves of games.  At that point, you’re just two wins from the Super Bowl, at which point anything goes.

On to the rankings:

  • Philadelphia (6-1)
  • Kansas City (5-2)
  • Seattle (4-2)
  • New England (5-2)
  • Pittsburgh (5-2)
  • Minnesota (5-2)
  • L.A. Rams (5-2)
  • Houston (3-3)

A lot of this is based on projections.  I do think the Patriots are flawed – especially on defense – but I agree with most prognosticators that they’ll get their issues figured out.  I know I wouldn’t bet against them making the AFC Championship game against either KC or Pittsburgh.  I think the Vikings look tough – particularly on defense – but I’ll never trust their quarterback situation.  I think the Texans are better than their record and could be poised to go on a big second half run.

  • New Orleans (4-2)
  • Dallas (3-3)
  • Washington (3-3)
  • Oakland (3-4)
  • Denver (3-3)
  • Buffalo (4-2)
  • Detroit (3-3)
  • Atlanta (3-3)

These are all good teams, but probably none of them are Super Bowl contenders.  MAYBE the Cowboys if they get Elliott back for the playoffs, and their defense gets its shit somewhat together.  And while the Saints don’t necessarily look for real, I think their defense is still marginally improved, and with that offense, it might be all they need to win a division title.  Also, good move getting rid of AP and working with a better 2-man running back rotation.

  • Tennessee (4-3)
  • L.A. Chargers (3-4)
  • Carolina (4-3)
  • Jacksonville (4-3)
  • Tampa Bay (2-4)
  • Baltimore (3-4)
  • Miami (4-2)
  • N.Y. Jets (3-4)

These are fringe playoff teams who have a ton of flaws.  One, MAYBE two of these teams will go on a roll and crack the playoffs, but for the most part I think they’ll disappoint.  Also, Jacksonville’s defense looks legit, and Fournette looks like a stud, but the offense as a whole leaves a lot to be desired.  And no, I’m not buying Miami as a 4-2 team.

  • Green Bay (4-3)
  • Cincinnati (2-4)
  • Chicago (3-4)
  • N.Y. Giants (1-6)
  • Arizona (3-4)
  • Indianapolis (2-5)
  • San Francisco (0-7)
  • Cleveland (0-7)

I would have Green Bay even lower in the rankings, except I think there’s an outside chance they hang around in a mediocre division/conference just long enough for Aaron Rodgers to return for the last game or two and sneak them into the playoffs.  Can they win 4 games with Brett Hundley?  Cincy looks like a mess.  Trubisky has training wheels attached to his training wheels.  And for some reason everyone is shocked that Cleveland passed over yet another quality rookie quarterback in favor of someone who sucks.

The Seahawks Won While I Was In Hawaii

While I was by no means cut off from the outside world during my week in Hawaii, my GiveAFuck levels were pretty depleted as far as maintaining this blog is concerned.  And, as I return to normality this upcoming Monday, with various BYE weeks happening, and what I’m anticipating to be a fuckload of work waiting for me at the office, posting might be a little light this month.  I hope to settle into more of a regular writing routine for November and beyond, but for now the quality might be a little ragged.

Shockingly, the Rams/Seahawks game wasn’t televised in Hawaii when I was there.  Since they don’t have a team, they generally get slotted with whatever the national audience gets, and FOX saw fit to go with Packers/Cowboys (I can’t imagine why).  Even though Rams/Seahawks was televised on CBS, the Hawaii affiliate opted to televise infomercials instead of trying to compete against the juggernaut that would be Aaron Rodgers vs. America’s Team.  I mean, what was this, WWII France???

Anyway, I could’ve gotten dropped off at a sports bar, but this was Rams/Seahawks, not the moon landing.  It’s the Athletics/Mariners of football games; we’ve seen it a million times and it’s never satisfying.  I could live with myself not seeing this game.

And, as it turned out, I really didn’t miss much.  The Seahawks threw two picks (one by Tanner McEvoy on a botched gadget play), Jared Goff threw two more, and the Rams tacked on three more fumbles to give the game away.  The Seahawks couldn’t run for shit, Russell Wilson did NOT play one of his better games, and in the end it came down to a few key factors.

For one, Blair Walsh made all three of his field goals (35, 48, & 49), while Greg Zuerlein missed 1 of 2.  Had he been perfect, the Rams likely would’ve been down only 3 points instead of 6 in that final drive (though it’s impossible to know for certain how the rest of the game would’ve changed had he made that miss), which means they could’ve easily forced overtime.  And the other factor is that Cooper Kupp drop in the endzone that would’ve put them in position to win the game in heartbreaking fashion.  Yes, Goff rushed the throw, possibly due to our pass rush, but that was still a catchable ball, and one that Kupp gave away.

Of course, it’s not all his fault.  Earl Thomas had that Hall of Fame play, punching the ball out of Gurley’s hand before he got into the endzone, forcing a touchback as the ball hit the pylon.  I still think it’s a miracle that the refs overturned what was originally ruled a touchdown, as they seem to give every opportunity to at least have the call “stand”.  Earl also had a late INT on a poorly thrown ball to seemingly put the game away, before our inept offense gave it right back to the Rams.  Granted, Sheldon Richardson was in the right place at the right time for a fumble recovery that led to the field goal that gave us a 6-point lead, but had we gotten just a couple first downs at any point late in the game, it would’ve ended it for good right then and there.

All that matters is we got the win.  We’re 3-2, as are the Rams, but we hold the tiebreaker over them for now.  We’re 2-0 in the division, we’re on a BYE this week, then we go to New York to face the hapless Giants.  Let’s just sit and enjoy it for a while.

Shitty Refs & Shittier Seahawks Make Sure Packers Win Season Opener

Say what you want about referees, but that was a VERY poorly officiated game yesterday.  Did they single-handedly cost us the game?  On a scale from 1 to Super Bowl XL, I’d say they were a 6, which isn’t good AT ALL.

For starters, how about you call all the holding penalties on the Packers’ offensive line?  How about just that for starters?  Maybe don’t let them get away with holding EVERY single fucking down!  I know they have Aaron Rodgers and he’s the best human on the planet or whatever, but maybe try to look past that and see there are some garbage people on the Packers too.  Like their offensive line, who holds, on almost every play.

Obviously, though, the play of the game was 100% decided by the referees, and was 100% botched.  Early in the game – indeed, it was Green Bay’s opening possession after just a God-awful Seahawks 3 & Out – and Rodgers was pressured into throwing an interception to lineman Naz Jones.  Naz took it back to the house for a would-be touchdown, except for a couple of flags.

First of all, how about we keep the fucking flags in our pockets until there’s some LEGITIMATE blocking in the back?!  A slight nudge in Aaron Rodgers’ direction does not need to be penalized every fucking time!  Maybe save those calls for when they – I DON’T KNOW – actually spring a runner for a huge gain!  Not when it’s 10 yards behind the action?!

Secondly, Jeremy Lane never threw a punch, you fucking pieces of shit.  Indeed, if anything, he was baited by that cocksucker Davante Adams, who himself should’ve been called for a facemask at the VERY least!  In my opinion, Adams is the one who should’ve been thrown out of the game.  He was at least 20 yards away from the action after the INT, and his first instinct was to grab and twist Lane’s facemask and essentially start a brawl on the field?  If he’s not fined for that, the NFL can go fuck itself.

And, of course, whenever the Seahawks lose Jeremy Lane at the start of a game, bad things happen.  This was XLIX all over again.

With the refs tying one of our hands behind our backs, Aaron Rodgers was free to pick on Shaq Griffin and Justin Coleman the rest of the day, to the tune of 311 yards and a touchdown.  Say what you want about Griffin, but he’s still a rookie and he’s still going to be exposed like he was on Sunday.  So, when you have him on that island – without a quality veteran like Jeremy Lane to take some of the load off – bad things are going to happen.

So, not only did the refs cost us 7 points, but they made Aaron Rodgers’ and his annoying receivers’ lives that much easier by not having to contend with Lane for 60 minutes.  Fucking pathetic, NFL.

OH, BUT I THOUGHT THE REFS WERE SUPPOSED TO MAGICALLY BE BETTER NOW THAT SOME OF THEM ARE FULL TIME!

God, just go fuck yourselves, all of you.

But, you know, to be fair, the refs didn’t replace our offensive line with five wet paper bags.  I don’t know WHOSE idea it was to replace our offensive line with five wet paper bags, but that person really should be fired.

What’s that?  Those WEREN’T five wet paper bags out there “blocking” for our quarterback and running backs?  Those were, in fact, five large human beings who just so happen to SUCK ASS at football?  Huh, the hell you say!

I just … I CAN’T believe we’re having this same fucking conversation once again.  I mean, are you shitting me?  Is someone out there shitting me?  Am I being Betty White’s Off Their Rockers’d?

Just be marginally better than last year.  Isn’t that what I JUST said?  It can’t be that fucking hard, people!  We were the God Damned Motherfucking Worst last year!  Just be better than THAT!  Don’t be exactly the fucking same as that!  BE BETTER YOU TWATS!

And maybe, I dunno, watch some tape and figure out what works against Green Bay’s defense.  Because, whatever those passes were, whatever those routes were supposed to be, they weren’t fucking working.  You need to understand that if Wilson’s going to be under duress before he can count to 1, there need to be some better plays being called to get guys open quicker.  And guys, you need to GET open quicker.  I mean, where was Doug Baldwin in all of this?  If you’re going to be a Top 10 receiver in this league, you need to play like one and get your ass open!  Instead of running these elaborate, down-field routes, maybe simplify this shit so we can move the fucking ball!

And Jimmy Graham, I can’t wait until this piece of shit is out of our lives.  I’m through defending this turd.  Go fly your stupid fucking planes somewhere else, because I’m done.  You can’t get open, you shy away from the slightest contact, and you DROPPED a critical third down throw in the second half when we were only down 14-6 and driving for a potentially game-tying score!

You know what?  Go read some other blog if you want to hear about silver linings and what went right.  I’m too pissed off about this one.  Good teams don’t lose these games.  Good teams still find a way to win.  In the end, the offense couldn’t do shit (particularly in the red zone, when we repeatedly settled for field goals), and the defense couldn’t stop shit.  Of course, the defense only struggled in the second half because the offense left them on the field all fucking day, but whatever.  You’re an elite defense, figure out a fucking way to get off the fucking field on third fucking down!

Were there things to like about the D-Line?  Of course.  But, shit man, where was that pressure late in the game?  It sure seemed like the Packers adjusted; why couldn’t we?  If you’re supposed to be one of the VERY BEST in all of football, then fucking act like it when the game is on the line in the fourth quarter!

Fuck it.  Maybe I’ll get to silver linings later this week.  Or maybe never.  Fuck the Packers; I hope someone chops Aaron Rodgers’ smug fucking head off.