I Hope The Seahawks Get Killed This Week

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It’s hard to figure out who’s giving fans more agita, the Seahawks or Mariners. Kind of a dead heat, if I’m being honest!

The Seahawks are 6-6 at the moment, losers of three straight. Two of those games – at the Rams, and at the Cowboys – were entirely winnable. If this team was 8-4 instead, we’d all be singing a vastly different tune. But, we’re 6-6, and the team that just decimated us two weeks ago is now hosting us, so I give our chances of prevailing a 0.0%.

For those keeping track at home, that’s now four (soon to be five) consecutive demoralizing defeats to the 49ers, including last year’s playoffs. At this point, they can’t even make the line high enough. Sometimes there are games where the world counts out the Seahawks, and then we improbably come out and fight hard and either prevail or make it a close loss. This isn’t going to be one of those games.

We can’t do anything against their defensive front. We can’t run the ball, we can’t keep guys off of Geno’s ass, we can’t NOT be in 3rd & Long situations, and when we’re in those situations, they’re almost certainly going to end in him being sacked. They don’t give up big plays, they don’t give up third down conversions, and quite frankly they hardly ever even let us get into scoring position, let alone let us score.

Then, when you factor in how much the Seahawks’ defense is shitting the bed of late – having given up 30+ points in three of the last five games – it’s no contest. The 49ers are too good at scheming guys open, and running roughshod through our front seven, that they can pretty much do whatever they want, whenever they want.

At this point, I don’t want the Seahawks to win. I don’t want us to barely eke into the playoffs. And I don’t want Geno Smith to be our quarterback next year. Or, rather, maybe it’s fine if he comes back, but I also want the Seahawks to be seriously committed to drafting a quarterback in a relevant round next year, and groom him to be the starter going forward. For that to happen, I need this team – and Geno in particular – to play like shit the rest of the way. The only time anything happens around here, it’s after the Seahawks fail to make the playoffs. Even if we just get a wild card spot and lose in the first round, that seems to signal everything is okay and we can keep the status quo. But, not making the post-season at all? That lights a fire under Pete and John’s ass like nobody’s business.

You know what else I’d love? Hiring a defensive coordinator with actual defensive coordinator experience. GOOD defensive coordinator experience! Someone who has had success elsewhere in the past, being hired to take over here and bring his brand of success with him. I’m tired of giving all these guys their first shots. Or, with Ken Norton, hiring someone who absolutely SUCKED with his previous team. It’s clear at this point that the Pete Carroll Coaching Tree is never going to be a thing, so let’s stop trying to create one and instead go out and find somebody who knows what the fuck he’s doing.

So, this week feels like a surefire loss. Next week at home is a little worrisome, because they flexed the Eagles game to Monday Night. The Seahawks are awesome on Mondays, but the Eagles are also one of the best teams in the NFC, so maybe there’s hope we lose that one as well and fall to 6-8. Is a 5-game losing streak enough to start cleaning house for next year? Probably not, if we find a way to win our last three games and escape with a winning record. That being said, it wouldn’t shock me in the slightest if there was another surprise loss in there somewhere. The Titans game is on the road, and they’re usually stout against the run. If Derrick Henry gets going, and Will Levis looks like the guy who made his initial start for them, maybe that’s another nail in the coffin. The Steelers have a pretty great front four on defense, and maybe our defense is the cure for what ails Kenny Pickett (if he’s able to make it back from injury by then). And the Cardinals have been frisky all season, so with that game being on the road, you never know if they might cause us to stumble.

Losing all our games is unrealistic, I know that. But, if we lose the games we’re supposed to lose, there’s an outside chance we go 1-2 in those last three games to finish 7-10. Is THAT bad enough to force major changes in this organization? God, I hope so. Hell, I hope 8-9 is enough! Whatever, just make a change! Put me out of my misery for Christ’s sake!

The best thing that could’ve happened to these particular Seahawks is 1) getting swept by the Rams, and 2) the Packers being relevant. Both are 6-6 and hold tiebreakers over us at the moment. And that’s not even counting the 6-6 Vikings, who are also lingering (technically the best of the 6-6 teams), with the Bucs & Saints both right there at 5-7. We could be tied with one or both of them after this week, which further helps my own personal cause of getting the Seahawks as far from the playoffs as possible.

What Happens If This Is It For The Mariners?

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The recent moves by the Mariners have a rationale behind them. You’ll note there that I didn’t say it was a GOOD rationale. I didn’t even say it was a rationale that I buy. But, they – the Mariners (ownership and front office) – feel they are in an economic pinch. This is in spite of 2.7 million fans coming to games in 2023, this is in spite of all the success this team has had the last two seasons, this is in spite of all the countless millions of dollars this team has generated over the years.

Where is the economic pinch coming from?

Well, local cable provider Xfinity/Comcast/Whatever The Fuck decided they would do their customers a solid by removing Root Sports from the basic cable package. That saved people, what, $10 per month? Something like that? On the one hand, it makes sense. The vast majority of people who subscribe to cable aren’t necessarily interested in sports programming, and if given the choice of saving $10 per month, or having the option to scroll past a sporting event, I’m sure most people would gladly take the ten bucks. Sports fans – and there ARE many of us – tend to forget that we’re actually a minority in this world (depending on the sport, of course, and depending on the locale; in Alabama, for instance, I’m sure football fans are in the majority; you get the idea).

What has been the gripe all along about people on the west coast generally, and in the greater Seattle area specifically, when it comes to the Pac-12? There isn’t enough fan interest – compared to the SEC and Big10 – to generate the kinds of revenues for our schools to be able to compete on a level playing field. Well, I guess for Seattle, you can extend that to Major League Baseball (Mariners), Hockey (Kraken), and the NBA (Trailblazers), among other lesser sports. We apparently don’t care enough about these teams to force Xfinity’s hand in keeping Root Sports on the basic plan. As a result, if we want to keep Root Sports – and we’re forced to go with Xfinity – we have to pony up for whatever the sports tier is, something like $18-$20 extra per month. I would bet that most fans interested in the Mariners, for example, don’t give a shit about all the other things one might get with that sports tier; they just want the M’s. So, then it comes down to a decision: do you want to pay an extra $20 per month for all the bells and whistles, just to get the one thing you want? Or do you want to say, “Fuck it, I don’t need to watch the Mariners anymore, I can listen on the radio”? Or do you find an alternative streaming option that offers Root Sports at a lower financial level, cutting the Xfinity cord for good?

That’s the pinch. What we don’t know exactly is how much this is costing the Mariners. They have a controlling ownership stake in Root Sports. This was done, in theory, to bring in extra revenue streams for the team that they didn’t have to share with the rest of Major League Baseball. This SHOULD have been making us countless millions of extra dollars every year, to ideally put us in the upper echelon of Major League teams when it comes to revenue, as a result, allowing us to spend with the big boys. But, we don’t know if that’s true or not. We don’t know if this deal has been as good for the Mariners as they intended. Maybe it has! But, as with all billionaires, it doesn’t matter what you made LAST year; it only matters what you make NEXT year. And, again, we don’t know what this is going to cost the M’s. Either it’s super dire, and the RSN model is going to collapse upon itself as more and more people cut the cable cord, or it’s just kind of annoying and is going to take some millions of dollars out of the pockets of literal billionaires.

CAN’T HAVE THAT! Losing even one dollar is an outrage to fucking billionaires, because they’re fucking psychopaths. Greedy fucking villains who we entrust with our sporting allegiance, because we have no other choice. We’re not Packers fans.

Anyway, now the Mariners have – through the trades of Suarez, Gonzales, White, and Kelenic, and through the lack of a qualifying offer to Teoscar Hernandez – saved themselves, what, $20 million for 2024? Hypothetically something close to $40 million, if Teoscar would have signed? Anyway, let’s just say $20 million; that feels like a comfortable round number to work with. We assume this is money the team is going to use towards filling out the roster, but we also assumed the Mariners would increase payroll over last year, rather than savagely cut it, so where does assuming get us?

What can you get for $20 million?

We need a right fielder, left fielder, third baseman, second baseman, and designated hitter. I think it’s safe to say we’re never going to get a legit DH under this front office group; they’d rather put whatever bullshit in there they have laying around, under the guise of giving guys “rest days” (that never actually happen, because it just ends up being Mike Ford or some bullshit). If we take DH out of the equation – and project some scrub already on the roster for that role (Canzone, Haggerty, Moore, whatever) – that’s still four starters we need. If we project Urias in that third base spot (a black hole if I’ve ever met one), and maybe Dylan Moore in that second base spot, that’s still two outfielders we need to find, and only $20 million with which to spend.

YOU CAN’T GET ANYTHING IN BASEBALL FOR UNDER $20 MILLION! Do you remember what A.J. Pollock cost last year? His broke ass was $7 million, specifically to be a platoon partner; he wasn’t even brought here to be an everyday player! Who the hell are we going to get for $20 million, to fill anywhere from 2-5 open spots in the everyday lineup? No one. No one good, anyway.

For the record, I do kind of expect the Mariners to spend this $20 million. I don’t think we’re done making moves; there will probably be a few new players coming in at some point. Remember that year when the Seahawks had some extra money to spend, and rather than sign one great offensive lineman, they spread it around on 4-5 scrubs? I think that’s what the Mariners will do. They’ll bypass all of these potentially impactful bats, wait around for the guys nobody wants, and still probably overpay a few of them into coming here, kinda like the way the Seahawks overpaid for Luke Joeckel.

When I talk about “this being it” for the Mariners, that’s what I mean. I think all of the potential impact bats are already on this roster. Julio, Cal, J.P., hopefully Ty France with a new Driveline swing.

Then, there’s everyone else: Dylan Moore, Josh Rojas, Jose Caballero, Sam Haggerty, Luis Urias, Dominic Canzone, Cade Marlowe, Taylor Trammell. You know, all of these junk guys who are just around because they don’t have any minor league options. That’s the kind of talent we have, and that’s the kind of talent I expect the Mariners to bring in with their meagre ration of $20 million.

By my count, we have 4 spots left on the 40-man roster. I would say, if the season started today, all of the guys I just listed – plus a backup catcher, also a nobody – are the 13 position players on the 26-man active roster. Maybe we mix and match, drop a guy here and there down to the minors, depending on who we’re able to bring in via free agency or trade, but again, the talent level isn’t going to be all that different from what we’re looking at.

Pretty grim! Almost no power, almost no high batting averages, very little ability to get on base with any regularity. That seems like a lineup that’s destined to take this team absolutely nowhere. It’s significantly WORSE than it was in 2023, and again, that was a lineup that failed to push us back into the playoffs. We can only go downward from here with a lineup even closely resembling THAT.

So, where do we turn to for hope?

I think, at this point, it’s safe to say we should start thinking of the Seattle Mariners in terms of the Oakland Athletics, Tampa Bay Rays, Kansas City Royals, and the like. I know we’ve always lamented the Mariners for being too cheap, but that hasn’t really been the case until now. They’ve always just been afraid to go the extra step. They’ve always been content with half measures. They’ve always failed to finish the job to put this team over the top. In that sense, how is this any different? We get close to where we want to go – in the playoffs for the first time in two-plus decades, then a game or two short of the playoffs a season later – but never do what needs to be done to turn this team from a fringe contender into a legitimate World Series contender.

But now? With this kind of cost cutting? With reports that it’s all but certain that the Mariners are never going to be able to extend Cal Raleigh – because he’ll cost too much, and likely because he wants to go somewhere to be on a winner – we’re not only fucking up our contention window, but now we know this window has a finite timetable to it.

We’re never going to be able to keep this young core together. That was the plan before, right? Draft and develop a spectacular young core, then fill in around the edges with quality outside veterans to push us over the top. Now, we have to pick and choose who we can keep. We have to think about a future where we can have George Kirby OR Logan Gilbert, but not both. We have to think about all of these young guys as they head into their arbitration seasons, where their salaries will skyrocket based on their high levels of performance as very young players. We’re not going to be able to extend them all early. And we’re not going to be able to afford them even DURING those arbitration years, let alone afterward when they become unrestricted free agents. That means – since, again, we’re thinking in terms of A’s, Rays, Royals, etc. – that we’re going to have to start trading some of these guys for more cost-controlled prospects and just hope and pray we can develop the guys we get in return into viable Major League pieces.

The bummer in all of this is that our next crop of homegrown prospects are another full year or two away from hitting the Major Leagues. So, not only do we have an ever-shrinking window with our current crop of young Major League talent, but there’s likely going to be a significant gap between when those players start leaving, and the next crop ascends.

How long do we have with our current crop?

Cal Raleigh is arbitration eligible in 2025-2027. Logan Gilbert is eligible in 2024-2027 (his estimated 2024 contract will be $5 million, and will only go up and up and up from there). George Kirby is eligible from 2025-2028. Luis Castillo is signed through 2027, with a vesting option for 2028. Robbie Ray is here likely through 2026 (he has a player option after 2024, but considering he’ll at best be playing half a season next year, seems unlikely he’d opt out); we’re stuck with his crazy salary unless he gets lumped in with the next round of salary dump trades. And J.P. Crawford is signed through 2026. Obviously, Julio isn’t going anywhere, so I hope he likes being our ONE good player, because I’m guessing if we haven’t won a World Series by 2026, we’re going to start moving on from most of these guys.

That’s a 2-3 year window. 2024 & 2025 for sure, MAYBE 2026, if ownership hasn’t totally panicked by then and switched to a new GM/manager combo. We can write off 2024, as the team has no prospects ready to come up. 2025 is maybe a possibility to improve from within. Leaving us with a narrow pinpoint window of 2026 as the ideal target.

By then, maybe Cole Young, Harry Ford, Colt Emerson, Michael Arroyo, Felnin Celesten, Tai Peete, and the like, will be ready to make their mark at the Major League level.

If that’s how ownership is going to treat this team – if all we have left to hope for is our prospects taking the next steps – then I think it’s time to turn our attention to the minors. Because I don’t think there’s going to be any significant help coming via free agency. Sure seems like most trades – from here on out – will be shipping off guys with less club control for guys with more club control. Then, it’s just retreads and reclamation projects as far as free agency is concerned.

Obviously, I’m not saying that 2026 is the year we win the World Series. That’s a BEST case scenario, and also the soonest we should even be thinking about that. I think the lead-up to 2026 is going to be pretty frustrating, and 2026 itself might be a total disaster for all I know.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know where I’m at with this team anymore. I feel like I had the rug pulled out from under me. Again, I don’t know why I should’ve expected any different. But, it hasn’t felt like dire straits like this for a while. It still felt like this team was on the rise, even with the pitfall that was 2023. But now? I can only see the doom and the gloom.

I don’t know how much more I can give as a fan to this team. I think as this ownership group starts pulling back its money and its effort from the talent level on the Major League roster, so will I start to pull back my interest in watching this team, in going to their games, in investing my heart and soul into the day-to-day grind. As the Mariners predictably fall short on the field, so will I fall short in giving a fuck.

There’s more to life than Mariners baseball. I know I’ve threatened leaving this team high and dry for years now. But, I also wasn’t married then. I didn’t have a family then. I didn’t have other things that would draw my attention away from this organization that CLEARLY doesn’t give two shits about this fanbase. Why bother? Why feed into their villainy? Let them run the Mariners into the ground. I’ve got my own life to live.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: Tanks For The Memories

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Week 13 was kind of fucked from an injury perspective. All across the league, very important players went down with a range of maladies. Some are short term, some might not keep them out at all. But, some are season-enders, and some are fantasy season-enders, which is all I really care about.

I had Tank Dell in two leagues. In this one, where I clinched a playoff berth thanks to a 152.95 to 138.85 victory over Toot Cannons, and in my Splinter League, where I was in first place heading into last week, before losing by 24 points and falling into second. There’s a slim chance I drop out of the playoffs entirely in that league over the next two weeks – now that I’m down both Dell and Christian Kirk – the injury bug is decidedly NOT my friend.

Dell’s goose egg in this league very nearly cost me my victory. I somehow also endured a goose egg from Terry McLaurin (who is getting less Scary by the week in that offense), which goes to show how tough of a season Toot Cannons is having. I will say that I got some great games out of Jordan Love, CeeDee Lamb, Tony Pollard, Zach Charbonnet (who was a last-minute addition to my lineup), and Trey McBride. If I had given it the proper thought, given Dell’s injury designation during the week, I would’ve swapped him out for Kyren Williams, but that’s neither here nor there.

After I lost Dell, I picked up Rashee Rice as a free agent (prior to the Chiefs game starting), dropping that Cleveland QB I’m never going to keep in a million years. Rice has seen his targets and points increase the last two weeks, as the Chiefs have to be desperate at this point to promote one of their receivers, if for no other reason than to take some of the pressure off of Travis Kelce. I have Rice in another league and have been waiting around for him to start taking off; hopefully he turns into a League Winner for me down the stretch.

I also – after waiver guys reverted back to free agents – picked Christian Watson back up, dropping Scary Terry. It’s time. He’s currently the 29th ranked WR and that’s bound to go down after this BYE week. I don’t understand why he’s not better, why he’s not more dependable. I don’t understand why Howell isn’t throwing him the ball more – he often gets ignored for most of the game, only to score some garbage time points in the 4th quarter after they’re already losing by a ton – and I don’t understand why he isn’t more of a target in the red zone. 2 TDs is ridiculous for a scoring offense that isn’t THAT bad. More than anything, he’s supposed to have a high floor in PPR leagues, and that’s decidedly not the case. With all the uncertainty around that team – surely to have a new coaching staff next year – McLaurin isn’t someone I’m even remotely thinking about keeping. He’s also got a BYE this week, followed by tough matchups against the Rams, Jets, and 49ers the rest of the way. I was never going to want to start him anyway. Watson, at least, is coming on in a big way (until he suffered that injury late last week). He was my keeper from last year, and if he finishes this season strong, he’ll at least be in the running to be a keeper next year. Still leaning towards Dell at the moment, but you never know. If nothing else, Watson is the highest-upside receiver left on the market for these upcoming playoffs, so I’ll gladly welcome him back into the fold.

This week, I’m going up against Sloane N Steady, who is in 4th place, and looks to be my first round playoff opponent, which means I’ll get the opportunity to face him in back-to-back weeks. 4th place plays 5th place (which I’m in); 3rd place plays 6th place, before the winners move on to play the top two teams on a first round BYE.

As this game is effectively meaningless, I’m not going to sweat the outcome. I’ve got McBride on a BYE. I’ve got Bryce Young (hopefully) forever on my bench the rest of the way. I’ve got both Seahawks running backs on my bench because they’re playing the 49ers. Seems like a bad week to try to bring back Kenneth Walker from an oblique injury; here’s hoping they play it safe.

With that out of the way, I don’t have any real decisions to make. Here’s my Week 14 lineup:

  • Jordan Love (QB) @ NYG
  • Justin Fields (QB) vs. Det
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Phi
  • Jordan Addison (WR) @ LV
  • Tony Pollard (RB) vs. Phi
  • Kyren Williams (RB) @ Bal
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ LV
  • Rashee Rice (WR) vs. Buf
  • Dustin Hopkins (K) vs. Jax
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) vs. Hou

Addison has seen a dramatic downturn in his production with the absence of Kirk Cousins. Now that Justin Jefferson is nearing his return, really the last thing I want to do is start Addison. I will be looking for every opportunity to bench him when the playoffs start next week, up to and including starting two tight ends. At this point, McBride seems like a better all-around option than Addison, but we’ll see who the Vikings end up going with at quarterback. I’ll admit, Nick Mullens sounds intriguing; he’s one of the less-bad backups out there, in the right offense.

That being said, how can you hate the matchup with the Raiders? If Addison has anything left this season, he should show it this week. Can’t say that about the Rams going on the road to play Baltimore. Kyren has loads of value considering how much they use him, but I’m looking forward to whoever the Rams play next week (please don’t be the 49ers). I actually like the Rice matchup this week. That should be a high scoring game, and the Bills should put their focus on Kelce, opening up one-on-one opportunities for Rice. Let’s keep the good times going!

Let’s take a peek at Sloane N Steady, and get to know these players intimately, since I figure to be seeing a lot of them the next two weeks:

  • Aiden O’Connell (QB) vs. Min
  • Will Levis (QB) @ Mia
  • Brandon Aiyuk (WR) vs. Sea
  • Amon-Ra St. Brown (WR) @ Chi
  • Isiah Pacheco (RB) vs. Buf
  • Travis Etienne (RB) @ Cle
  • Kyle Pitts (TE) vs. TB
  • Michael Pittman (WR) @ Cin
  • Evan McPherson (K) vs. Ind
  • Baltimore (DEF) vs. LAR

His bench includes an injured Derek Carr, an injured Kenny Pickett, an injured Anthony Richardson, and an injured Aaron Rodgers. Thankfully, the Rodgers thing is a smokescreen, and he will have no effect on my life over the next two weeks. Pickett also sounds like a longshot to return anytime soon. I’m guessing Carr will be back in his lineup next week come playoff time, but we’ll see.

As far as skill guys, he’s got DeAndre Hopkins and George Pickens. So, not really a lot in reserve.

But, he’s been one of the best teams in our league this season – he was 8-3 before a recent 2-game skid – on the strength of his starting lineup (sans QB). Aiyuk and St. Brown are absolute studs, and Pittman has been on FIRE … pretty much all season. He’s 11th in WR points, but he’s 4th in receptions, and honestly if it wasn’t for him only having 4 TDs, I think he’d easily be in the top five. Pacheco and Etienne are both quietly amazing, and Pitts is as talented as they get (if only the Atlanta offense would scheme itself for him). Tacking on a tremendous, opportunistic Ravens defense, and my old kicker from the last two years, and it’s a real hornet’s nest.

I’m trying not to look ahead to next week, but suffice it to say, his matchups aren’t going to matter so much. Those guys are really matchup-proof, and it’s up to MY guys to A) stay healthy, and B) go above and beyond their projections. The fact that I’ll have to do this the rest of the way without Tank Dell is a HUGE blow. I was already on thin ice with this team, and now I’m starting to hear some ominous cracks.

It’s Absurd That Florida State Isn’t In The Playoffs

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This falls into the Better Them Than Us camp of fandom, because as long as the Huskies are in the final four, I don’t really care how it shakes out for anyone else. But, it’s still a pretty blatant miscarriage of justice that Florida State is undefeated and was kept out of the playoffs, and if the shoe was on the other foot, I’d be ranting and raving like nobody’s business!

Through Week 12 of the college football season, Florida State was ranked in the top 4. After Washington beat Oregon State on the road, that’s where things flipped: we were 4th and they dropped to 5th. Which made sense, right? Our strength of schedule was tougher, and we finally started getting the respect we were due (one could argue it was overdue, but that’s neither here nor there). By Week 14, though, FSU was right back in the top four, thanks to Michigan beating Ohio State. With their showdown against 14th-ranked Louisville looming, all they had to do was win and they’d be in, right? Right?!

Wrong! Apparently, Florida State also needed Georgia to win the SEC Championship Game, and apparently Oklahoma State to defeat Texas in the Big-12 Championship Game. Who knew that an undefeated power five conference champion needed so many other things to go right just to make the playoffs? Especially when they were already ranked in the top four to begin with!

But, there you have it. Michigan 1, Washington 2, Texas 3, Alabama 4 (with FSU 5 being a pretty generous ranking, considering by this logic, it’s all but a given that Georgia would be ranked ahead of FSU even with the one loss to the #4 team in the country).

So, how did this happen?

Well, it doesn’t help that Clemson – the only other true powerhouse in the ACC – had a down season, finishing 8-4 and only ranked 22nd in the country. The ACC only had Louisville and NC State ranked in the Top 20 (both in the teens), so FSU’s strength of conference schedule was a little lacking. They made up for that by scheduling a neutral-site game against LSU, and playing Florida on the road late in the season. LSU finished the season ranked 13th, and while Florida finished outside of bowl contention, it’s nevertheless a middling SEC team on the road, which is nothing to sneeze at (especially considering the rivalry’s history).

I can’t sit here and tell you that Florida State deserved to be ranked ahead of Michigan or Washington, but I think they did enough to make it in the top four.

Again, how did this happen?

Now we have to talk about Texas and Alabama. Did you know they played each other? Don’t that just beat all?! The game was in Alabama and Texas won 34-24. At that time, it looked like maybe Bama was in a rebuilding season. While it was too early to crown Texas, you had to like that feather in their cap going forward. But, who could’ve imagined how important that game would end up being?

Alabama has yet to lose another game. Texas would go on to lose a one-score game at home to Oklahoma (who would go on to finish 12th, and outside of the Big-12 Championship Game). Both teams, as I mentioned, would go on to win their respective conference titles. As did Michigan, as did Washington, as did the aforementioned Florida State Seminoles.

At some point between the final week in the regular season – when the Longhorns were ranked 7th in the country – and them beating a then-18th ranked Oklahoma State Cowboys team, it was decided that the playoffs could absolutely NOT be without Texas. Apparently that one victory was so impressive, they could not be denied. And, since they previously beat Alabama on the road, we knew without a shadow of a doubt that Texas had to be ranked ahead of Bama. We had proof! The game on the field decided it!

Even though, you know, the playoff committee seems to be pretty wishy-washy when it comes to the actual game results mattering or not.

Texas was 7th, they beat the 18th-ranked team in the nation, bingo bango bongo, they’re 3rd. Florida State was 4th, they beat the 14th-ranked team in the nation (Louisville), bingo bango bongo, they take a step back to 5th. Make sense? Of course not.

In totality, all Texas did this year was beat Bama. It was never really about Texas at all. They beat Kansas State (very generously ranked 25th at the most recent poll, for reasons that elude me, considering they’re unranked by the AP and Coaches), they beat OK State once (in the title game), and they lost to the only other good team they played, Oklahoma. That isn’t a resume that screams WE NEED TEXAS OVER FSU! It’s fine.

No, as usual, this was about the SEC. It always is.

So, how did this really happen?

Well, as I said, Bama ripped off 11 wins in a row, including the all-important one in the SEC Championship Game. There’s no way a 2-loss Bama team would’ve made it into the final four, that’s a given. But, there’s also no way an SEC team is going to be left out of the playoffs entirely. That’s not how this works. The league is the most hyped thing in all of sports. Just being one of the bottom-dwellers gives you the kind of cred any other conference can only dream of.

Once you had this red-hot one-loss Alabama team that knocked off Georgia – ending college football’s longest active winning streak – it was a foregone conclusion that Alabama would be in the playoffs. And since Texas already beat Alabama, the rising (crimson) tide lifted both boats to the promised land, knocking FSU out accordingly.

Is it fair? Absolutely not. Who did Alabama beat this year before Georgia? An Ole Miss team outside of the top 10, a Tennessee team outside of the top 20, and LSU (another team outside the top 10). And, I would argue, would any of those teams be rated even as high as they were if they were in the ACC or the Big-12? Probably not. By the by, all of those wins came at home or on a neutral field.

And, if you want to get into the weeds of unimpressive, close wins (as Washington had to endure for most of the second half of this season), take a look at a 14-point victory over UCF, a 6-point win over a Texas A&M team that would fire its head coach, and a 3-point win over a 6-win Auburn team. Meanwhile, Florida State was killing everyone until their starting quarterback got hurt, yet they still found ways to stay undefeated after he was lost for the season.

Which leads us perfectly to the stupidest part of the whole argument, but before I get to that, let’s put a bow on the SEC-ness of it all. Because, let’s pretend for a moment that Bama lost one of their conference games in the lead-up to the SEC title game, and were therefore eliminated from playoff contention. Even if they had beaten Georgia the way they did, I would argue that a 1-loss Georgia team would’ve been playoff-bound regardless (to say nothing of the fact that Georgia would be there now if they’d remained undefeated). The committee would’ve done backflips, but they would’ve made it happen, no doubt in my mind.

Why is that?

Because Florida State lost their quarterback to a broken leg (the aforementioned stupidest part of the whole argument). They were getting by thanks to a backup, who then missed the ACC title game thanks to a minor injury. He figures to be back by the time they play in their bowl game, but apparently he’s not good enough to matter.

The most absurd thing about this argument for Bama and Texas over FSU is the notion that the Seminoles aren’t as good of a team because of a quarterback injury. While that might be true, how does that take precedence over what the TEAM did without him? They won all their games! That’s supposed to mean something if you’re in a power five conference! But, instead, you’ve got committee members pouring over rosters and injured lists to compensate for a lack of otherwise concrete data. What’s next? Picking teams based on the ranking of their incoming recruiting classes for next year?

If it was me, I probably would’ve gone Michigan 1, Washington 2, Florida State 3, and Texas 4. I think Georgia was overrated all season, and never deserved to be the #1 team overall. It was carryover from their championship last year, and they played pretty much nobody until the final month of the season. That takes some of the sheen off of Alabama’s victory over them in the SEC title game, which is more than enough to propel Texas into the top 4 (and Bama out entirely). Ohio State doesn’t get consideration because they also played no one, and didn’t even make the Big Ten Conference Championship Game.

There’s no solace coming with the playoff format changes next year. That doesn’t do anything to give FSU a shot THIS year; who knows if they’ll even be good in 2024? Frankly, I think the playoffs would be more interesting with them in it. If for no other reason than all the howling contempt from SEC fans, who’d be forced to watch the rest of us take what they believe to be rightfully theirs.

It’s a travesty of justice. But, what do you expect? College football has always been as corrupt as it gets outside of FIFA and maybe the IOC. It makes no sense whatsoever that a committee of people would have this much power over what actually happens on the gridiron. But, it is what it is.

Once we get to a 12-team playoff, it will be a lot harder to have this discussion. If you can’t crack the top 12 – even in a ranking system that’s decided by a committee – then did you really deserve a chance at the college football championship? Probably not. But, again, FSU has a legitimate gripe, and it’s unconscionable that they’re left out.

This Is The Best Husky Football Team I’ve Ever Seen

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For the record, I didn’t become a Husky football fan until I started attending the University of Washington in 1999. Admittedly, I don’t know how much of the team I actually followed that year, but I do remember being 100% on-board for the 2000 team and going forward. That’s a relatively quick way of saying I wasn’t part of the Don James heyday. In fact, I actively disliked the Huskies all my life up until I was accepted in my senior year of high school.

Before this year, the best Husky team I’ve ever seen was clearly the 2016 squad that went 11-1 in the regular season, won the conference title over Colorado, and made it to the first round of the playoffs (where we lost to Alabama in the Peach Bowl 24-7). I will say that I have a soft spot for that 2000 team that went 10-1 in the regular season before defeating Drew Brees and Purdue in the Rose Bowl. We were shut out of the BCS Championship Game, saddled with a #4 ranking. I’ll always wonder what we could’ve accomplished had they had a 4-team playoff like we do today.

But, that 2016 team was something special. It’s a year I’ll never forget. The defense was outstanding, the offense had stars at the skill positions, and a steady quarterback who was accurate and careful with the football. They stopped the losing streak to Oregon for crying out loud!

The circumstances around that season afforded the Huskies the luxury of being a 1-loss playoff team. That never would’ve happened this year, especially if that one loss came in the final Pac-12 Championship Game of all time.

As we all know, my confidence in the Huskies beating the Ducks for a second time this season – and a third time in the least two years – was shamefully low. I couldn’t be more thrilled to be so wrong!

We jumped out to a 10-0 lead after the first quarter, dominating time of possession and forcing the Ducks into back-to-back 3 & Outs to start the game. Unfortunately, Penix overthrew Jalen McMillan on our third drive of the day, in what would’ve put us up 17-0 and really gotten a stew going. We still managed to go up 20-3 late in the first half, after forcing a third 3 & Out by the Ducks. But, that’s where things started to get scary.

The Ducks marched right down the field with under 2 minutes to go in the half, to pull the game to 20-10. They subsequently got the ball to start the third quarter and again marched right down the field to make it 20-17. Then, we picked the absolute worst possible time to get intercepted. Thankfully, our defense got the ball right back two plays later thanks to a Bo Nix pick. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to settle this game down, as Oregon took a 24-20 lead into the fourth quarter.

That’s when we finally woke up! I’m not gonna lie to you, my wife and I were on the road for the entire first half – until just before the Ducks scored on their 2-minute drive – when we checked into a Kirkland hotel to spend the night. I was VERY concerned that the Huskies were only winning so handily at that time because we were listening on the radio. So, it was nice to see my weak-willed motherfucker instincts were incorrect. The Huskies got back in the endzone to make it 27-24, forced an Oregon punt, then scored again to go up by 10 points with a little under three minutes left in the game. The Ducks proceeded to go 75 yards in 30 seconds (literally) to pull the game back to within 3 points. But, we were able to run out the clock on them and win a game we were projected to lose by double digits!

I would’ve been curious to see what this game looked like from the very beginning, because other than the mid-game lull between the end of the second quarter and the beginning of the fourth quarter, it seemed like the Huskies were in complete control. That, quite frankly, starts with Dillon Johnson, who had another MONSTER game. 152 yards on 28 carries with 2 rushing TDs, a reception for 7 yards, and if that wasn’t enough, a 4-yard TD pass when he shovelled to Germie Bernard crossing behind the line of scrimmage. Just a brilliant game from our most unheralded super-stud!

What I’m really interested in is how Bo Nix compares to Michael Penix. All I saw from Nix – when we finally showed up to Top Golf to watch the game in the bar area – was excellence. But, he struggled for a lot of the first half, and I can’t help but wonder if this was related to his Heisman Trophy candidacy.

When it comes to great quarterbacks, there are two kinds: those who care about stats and personal accolades, and those who care more about winning. The Seahawks recently employed a guy we all THOUGHT only cared about winning, until it became blatantly obvious Russell Wilson cared more about his personal legacy. Which is what makes Michael Penix so refreshing, and has to be a disappointment for anyone who had their eggs in the Bo Nix basket.

It seems like the Ducks had every opportunity to win this game on the ground. Bo Nix himself ran for 69 yards on 6 carries. But, I would argue the Ducks are actually strongest at running back, and between Nix and the two backs, this game might’ve looked a lot different if they relied on the ground game. Instead, Nix threw it 34 times, was frequently pressured, and ultimately limited to 21 completions for 239 yards and 3 TDs (with the 1 INT).

Penix, meanwhile, had the more efficient game (27 for 39 for 319 yards) even though he only had the 1 TD to go along with the INT. He got the ball to our play-makers as he always does (McMillan came back with a vengeance to catch 9 for 131, Odunze had his usual excellent game of 8 for 102, and Ja’Lynn Polk had a nice bounce-back after some drop-filled performances, catching 5 for 57), but then he ceded the important moments to Dillon Johnson, who really deserved the game MVP given what he was able to do.

As it stands, Penix most likely won’t win the Heisman. However, given how Nix lost twice and failed to lead his team to the playoffs, I can’t imagine he’ll win it either. That’s usually what happens to players who care more about their own stats than winning: they fail to win games AND they fail to win the awards they so crave.

It was cool having this all wrapped up on Friday night, because we had all day Saturday to bask in the afterglow of our achievement, knowing with as much certainty as one can that we’d be a lock for the playoffs. Was there still an inkling of a doubt? Naturally. Especially when Michigan and Texas both won, Alabama beat Georgia, Florida State remained undefeated, and we still had certain 1-loss teams lurking like Ohio State. It wouldn’t be the first time a 1-loss team who didn’t even play in its own conference title game somehow made it into the playoffs. When you know the games don’t really matter, and some committee is going to pick the four teams it thinks are best, literally anything can happen (more on that in another post).

Thankfully, Washington was able to earn enough respect to be ranked #2 overall. It’s weird to not have a team in the SEC in the top two, but here you have it:

  1. Michigan (13-0)
  2. Washington (13-0)
  3. Texas (12-1)
  4. Alabama (12-1)
  5. Florida State (13-0)
  6. Georgia (12-1)
  7. Ohio State (11-1)
  8. Oregon (11-2)
  9. Missouri (10-2)
  10. Penn State (10-2)

Just as Oregon was the highest-ranked team with one loss, now they’re the highest-ranked team with two losses. Arizona finished 14th and Oregon State finished 19th, giving the Pac-12 four teams in the top 20. I don’t know if it mattered or not, but Utah was one of the first teams out of the Top 25 in both the AP and Coaches polls. Which just further goes to show what kind of team Washington is, that we were able to win five games against Top 30 opponents, which doesn’t even factor in USC and their high-flying offense, and the rest of the conference, which doesn’t play like the bottom-feeders we see in other conferences.

Is there an argument to be made that we deserved the top seed? Absolutely. Michigan beat Ohio State once, Penn State once, and a garbage Iowa team that couldn’t even put up a single point in the Big Ten Championship Game. We had to beat Oregon twice, an underrated Arizona team, and a rock-solid Oregon State team (both on the road). You think Michigan would’ve beaten the Buckeyes in back-to-back weeks? Because I certainly have my doubts.

But, you know, I’m not going to get a big bug up my ass about it. Michigan is saddled with playing the red-hot Crimson Tide – who just took out the previous #1 team in the nation – so what did they get for all their troubles?

Not that Texas is chopped liver, given that they gave that red-hot Crimson Tide team its only defeat. But, we do have to go all the way to New Orleans – instead of playing in the Rose Bowl – so you could say no one is really happy in this scenario.

But, we did beat the Longhorns in last year’s bowl game. I know these are different teams in different situations, but it’s nice to at least have a little bit of familiarity. I thought we looked shaky as hell in that game last year, so it would be nice to come out a little sharper after this next month off from game action.

Let’s hope we do better than the PREVIOUS best Husky team I’ve ever seen!

The Mariners Are Continuing Their Short, Quick Backslide Into Mediocrity

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It’ll be interesting to look back five years from now, when we reflect upon the six-year anniversary of the last time the Mariners made the playoffs – itself the first time we’d made the playoffs in 20+ years – how will that team be remembered? Will it have the same reverence as the 1995 playoff team? Or will it be closer to that 2000 team, kind of forgotten and overlooked?

It’s funny that a franchise who has made the playoffs only five times in its history can have playoff teams that are overlooked, but such is the world we live in.

I guess one could argue the Mariners are getting all of their least popular moves out of the way early, rather than spread them out over the course of the entire offseason. But, at some point, you have to wonder if the bad taste that’s in all of our mouths won’t overshadow whatever good moves they eventually make.

Of course, you have to wonder if any good moves are on the horizon, but that’s neither here nor there.

We traded Jarred Kelenic, Marco Gonzales, and Evan White to the Atlanta Braves for reliever Jackson Kowar and pitching prospect Cole Phillips. Kowar, I guess, is a hard-throwing right hander who has yet to put it together through pieces of three seasons with the Royals; even his numbers at the AAA level the last three years have been subpar. Phillips, meanwhile, was drafted in 2022 and needed Tommy John surgery. He’s yet to pitch in the minors, as far as I can tell. He’s the rawest of prospects at this point, and I have no idea where he’ll start his career with us, but it’ll be nowhere near the Majors.

As you can tell by 2/3 of the names we gave up, this is a salary dump. Marco is making over $12 million this year. There’s also a club option year in 2024 that’s worth $15 million, but clearly we were never going to pick that up. Also clear: we didn’t want to pay him $12 million to be a shitty reliever, so it’s not hard to see why we’d want to move on.

Evan White signed a team-friendly buy-out of his arb years back in 2020, when he was a Gold Glove first baseman during COVID times. He’s since been mostly too injured to play (not logging a game in the Majors since 2021), and when he has played he’s been bad (spending small bits of time in AAA the last two years, doing next-to-nothing of value at the plate). A glove-first first baseman is the last thing this team needs, and with his salary looking to spike in 2024 and 2025 ($15 million total across the two seasons), with future club options that come with a small cost to buy out, it’s also not hard to see why we’d want to move on.

Marco stopped being part of this team’s future plans pretty much as soon as he signed his last contract; you knew he was never going to see another one here. He stopped being part of this team’s present as soon as we were able to call up enough young prospects to fill out the rotation. He was always a Meh starter who could eat a respectable amount of innings and keep you in a respectable amount of games. But, usually he was only good against the very worst teams, and pretty hard to watch against the likes of the Astros and whatnot.

Evan White is kind of a disappointing story, since he was a first round draft pick and is so talented and athletic defensively, but he just couldn’t stay healthy. Even if he had, there’s a strong chance he never would’ve made it anyway, considering the holes in his swing made him a pretty big liability at the plate. If you were often frustrated by all the strikeouts you saw from Teoscar Hernandez, Eugenio Suarez, and yes, Jarred Kelenic, you would’ve been pretty miserable seeing White flail at the plate all these years. Maybe those injuries were a blessing in disguise, at least for the eyes of every Mariners fan.

The Kelenic piece hurts, for those of us who were clinging to hope that he’d eventually figure it out, put it all together, and be an All Star for years to come. Around the time Evan White signed his extension, we thought Kelenic was also on a fast track to super success. That turned out to decidedly NOT be the case, and for a little bit it looked like he was going to be an extreme bust. In the last offseason, he really worked on his swing, and came into 2023 looking better than he’d ever been. That carried over into a strong start to this season, before he eventually cooled off, then kicked a water cooler, landed on the IL, and made it back in time to struggle at the end of the season when we could’ve most used a boost.

I am, in no way, shape, or form, giving up on the concept of Kelenic being a good Major Leaguer, but I’ve been resigned to the fact for a while now that it wasn’t going to be in a Mariners uniform. He was the most likely candidate to be traded away this offseason to help us bolster the ballclub.

What I didn’t predict was that instead of helping to bring back a Major League-ready bat to come in here and start right away, he’d be used as a means to shed unwanted salary, probably netting us nothing in return other than that savings.

Fans are justifiably upset. This is a Salary Dump. The Suarez deal was a Salary Dump. Not giving Teoscar Hernandez a qualifying offer was itself a form of Salary Dump. These aren’t the moves of good, healthy organizations looking to compete for a World Series. These are the moves of third-tier, “cash-strapped” organizations who choose to pinch every penny even though they’re owned by billionaires and those teams are worth untold billions of dollars on the open market.

Some fans are choosing to have trust in the Mariners for some reason. At this point, maybe the humor is so dry it’s flying over my head, but if it’s legitimate and there are fans out there still believing in the shit this team is peddling, then we’ve got some serious Stockholm Syndrome going on and maybe we should send social services to their homes to make sure they’re okay.

The argument is: the Mariners are picking up extra money any way they can so they can go out and spend it on high-priced free agents and/or trade acquisitions.

It’s funny, because remember when the Mariners made all those moves to free up extra cash the last time? It was, incidentally enough, when Shohei Ohtani first came to the United States. Remember what happened? We failed miserably, and then did nothing with the international signing money we acquired. Nor did we do anything else in regular free agency to shore up the team. In effect, we put all our eggs in the Ohtani basket, and watched those eggs fall off of a cliff Wile E. Coyote-style, splatting to the ground below.

How are we this stupid? How are the Mariners so stupid as to fall for the Ohtani allure yet again, when he will never come here no matter what we offer him? And how are Mariners fans so stupid as to think this team’s logic is based anywhere close to reality?

Maybe they have other plans. Maybe there are other targets we’re trying to acquire. Even so, you can always make these cost-cutting deals AFTER you’ve added the pieces you’re committing to add. You don’t have to do it before! You don’t have to look like the cheapest organization on the planet. You don’t have to bottom out the hope of an entire fanbase.

As we’ve discussed in the previous two deals, it’s pretty clear there’s a new philosophy with the Mariners when it comes to striking out. Or, rather, that philosophy might’ve always been there, but we’re finally taking steps towards seeing it to fruition. Hernandez and Suarez were two of the top three hitters with the most strikeouts in the league, with a total of 425 combined. Kelenic didn’t have that many strikeouts only because he didn’t play in as many games; but his strikeout rate was actually highest on the team (31.7%, compared to 31.1% for Hernandez and 30.8% for Suarez).

For the record, last year there were five hitters above league average in strikeout rate (23.2%), with the other two being Julio (24.5%) and Cal (27.8%). For some reason, I don’t think either of those guys are in danger of going anywhere anytime soon.

So, when you factor in the strikeout aversion this team has suddenly developed, Kelenic’s days in Seattle were numbered. My contention here – like with Hernandez and Suarez – is that we’re not getting enough in return for very valuable pieces. I guess the team is hoping that it’s actually Addition By Subtraction. Except, the only problem with that is: you still need players to fill in for the vacant roles you just created!

Now, we’re down a third baseman, a right fielder, and a left fielder. We already needed a DH and a second baseman, as well as a new first baseman (depending on how much you believe in Ty France being fixed by Driveline). All we’ve done so far is pick up a backup catcher and a couple of potential relievers (assuming we’re able to fix what’s wrong with them in Spring Training).

That’s a lot to have to fill in one offseason. Arguably, it’s too much, and we’re going to come up short in multiple areas yet again. On top of which, there aren’t any prospects we can reasonably hope to rely upon in 2024, meaning we’re not just in need of help in our everyday starting lineup, but we’re also in need of bolstering our depth. As you can see by how much that depth was forced into action in 2023, they are NOT good enough to carry this team to the post-season.

It just feels like the Mariners are going further and further backward in their development, when they’re really supposed to be making a big push towards World Series relevance. And I can’t tell what exactly the plan is. Are we waiting for our next batch of prospects to develop? That won’t come until 2025 at the earliest, probably closer to 2026 or even 2027. At which point, what are we doing with the guys we’ve got at the Major League level currently?

At this rate, it seems like we’re waiting for them to get so fed up they demand to be traded out of here. God, wouldn’t that be nice? Can I demand to be traded to a fanbase where their team actually gives a shit about winning? I don’t even know what that’s like!

The Seahawks Were Pretty Great On Offense, Simply Atrocious On Defense

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If you take a step back, that was actually a cool, entertaining Thursday Night Football game. If we had no rooting interest in the outcome, how can you beat a game with zero punts, nine touchdowns, and lots of great plays by really talented play-makers? Admittedly, I do like a little more competence out of the defenses I’m watching, but this was the perfect game for a Thursday. I don’t take these games seriously anyway, so why not have a lot of offensive fun?

I’ll admit, I didn’t have a lot emotionally riding on the Seahawks in this one. I picked against them in my weekly pick ’em game, I had plenty of Cowboys in fantasy (Dak in one league, CeeDee and Pollard in another), and I’m at the point of the season where I’d rather we just lose every game going forward. I don’t believe this is a Super Bowl contender, I don’t believe Geno Smith will ever be the answer at quarterback, and I need the Seahawks to go on a significant losing streak to close out the regular season, as that will be the only way Pete Carroll will be able to see that, objectively, I’m right.

That being said, I couldn’t help getting swept up in the action. The Seahawks were once again wearing their throwback jerseys, backs were against walls, and if ever there was hope of winning a game in this gauntlet stretch we’re in, this was it. The Cowboys are good, but flawed. They were ripe for the picking. They were at home – where they were 5-0 heading into this game – they were on a three-game winning streak where they’ve been absolutely dominating the opposition, and I’m sure they were somewhat looking ahead to their showdown with the Eagles next week. Especially if the Eagles lose to the 49ers this week, that game could put the Cowboys in the driver’s seat for the division.

The Seahawks needed this game more than the Cowboys, and they came out of the gates playing like it. Our third play of the game was a third down conversion to D.K. Metcalf that went 73 yards to the house. Right after he caught the ball, he was ten yards away from the nearest defender, yet he turned on the jets like they were right on his heels. That’s what this game meant to us. Going above and beyond.

D.K. was phenomenal in this game, catching 6 for 134 and 3 TDs. Jaxon Smith-Njigba had maybe his best game as a pro (7 for 62). Zach Charbonnet played his ass off before injuring his knee late in the game; he finished with 60 yards rushing and a TD, with 1 reception for 39 yards. More importantly, Geno Smith was on it in this one: 23/41 for 334 yards, 3 TDs, and 1 INT. With zero sacks to boot, against an extremely ferocious Dallas pass rush.

If we had managed to play this well on offense on Thanksgiving, maybe we would’ve stood a chance against the 49ers!

The problem with this one is that the defense brought nothing to the table. We forced them into a 4 & Out after the interception left them in Seahawks territory, but even that was a clear CeeDee Lamb drop that would’ve otherwise easily kept the drive going. Quite frankly, if it weren’t for a couple of drops (of admittedly tough catches), this game would’ve been a Dallas blowout!

Heading into this game, the Seahawks were 36-0 in the Pete Carroll era when they’ve scored 35 or more points. It should go without saying, but when you score 35 points in a football game, YOU SHOULD WIN THAT FOOTBALL GAME! I know a lot of people are going to point to the Seahawks’ performance on 4th down (0 for 3), in particular our final play of the game, and call for Shane Waldron’s head, but don’t let that distract you from this being an all-time bungled defensive showing.

If I had to nitpick the offense, I’d start with Charles Cross. He totally whiffed on our 4th & 1 play, when Charbonnet was running behind him only to get stuffed. He looked mediocre to bad all game; decidedly not worthy of an upper first round draft pick.

I couldn’t tell you what happened on the second fourth down play. There was immediate pressure, but I don’t remember who that was on. It’s unfortunate that Smith and Smith-Njigba weren’t on the same page. It looked like Geno threw it up to him, but he didn’t see the ball and didn’t seem to be aware that it might be coming his way. Had he had the proper awareness of the situation, he might’ve been on the lookout for a quick pass and adjusted his route accordingly. It certainly looked like a ball he could’ve gotten to, if his head was on a swivel. That’s a play Doug Baldwin in his prime makes 10 times out of 10.

But, it’s the final play, ye gods. Dallas rushed six. We let our offensive linemen single-block the first five, leaving Micah Parsons unblocked on the edge. DeeJay Dallas was in the backfield. He was in the game either because Zach Charbonnet was injured (and couldn’t have played anyway), or because it was a 2-minute offense and that’s DeeJay’s role. I have my doubts about the second part of that, because Charbonnet was in there at the end of the first half, so it would stand to reason he’d remain out there in this situation if he was capable of going.

Almost immediately after the game, we were bombarded with video noting how we intentionally left Parsons unblocked. You know, probably the best pure pass rusher in the game of football today? That guy? Yeah. DeeJay was supposed to peel off in the flat and be the number one read to convert the 4th & 2. Except, another defensive lineman forced his way into the backfield and DeeJay got caught up in the wash. Parsons was in Geno’s face almost instantly, and all he could do to avoid a sack was throw the ball at DeeJay’s feet. At that point – with the game clearly hinging on that one play – I don’t know why you don’t just heave the ball straight up into the air and hope for the best, but that’s neither here nor there.

What a crap play call against that defense! Do literally anything else! Max protect, align DeeJay on that side to try to block Parsons, throw a slant to D.K. Something! Not a play where Parsons can get to the quarterback in 0.2 seconds, because not even Tom Brady himself would’ve been able to convert it with that play call.

But, again, it was an otherwise good-to-great game from Shane Waldron, Geno Smith, and the rest of the offensive crew. 35 points is good enough. Except it wasn’t today, and that’s all on the defense.

I will say that it was tough watching some of the penalties in the secondary. There was A LOT of ticky-tack calls going on. And the call against Bobby Wagner was flat out fucking wrong. If I had one gripe about my overall enjoyment of this game, it was the flags. Let guys play. I’d rather they allow a little extra grabbing and hand-fighting than nothing at all. Or, what we actually got last night, which was three quarters of nothing at all, followed by it being pretty much a free-for-all in the fourth quarter. Which you had to know was coming, either by design, or because refs are gonna ref and let things go late in games.

As much as I love to shit on terrible referee performances, I can’t blame them for this one. The Seahawks’ defense was total ass. Devon Witherspoon, Jamal Adams, and Riq Woolen all had mediocre-to-terrible games. Bobby Wagner isn’t able to cover anyone in space unless they literally run right at him and stop; he’s a fucking statue out there. The pass rush did get to Dak for 4 sacks, but they seemed pretty quiet otherwise (and Darrell Taylor whiffed HARD on another potential sack, having Dak dead to rights before letting him go). The Cowboys were 8/14 on third down and 1/2 on fourth down; that’s all you need to know. They dominated in total plays (79-64) and therefore in time of possession (36:27 to 23:33).

Now we get a little extra rest before going on the road to get decimated by the 49ers again. So, enjoy this Seahawks-free weekend while you can!

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: A Perfect Honeymoon

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My honeymoon spanned two fantasy football weekends, and between my three teams, I went a perfect 6-0. It was just incredible! I tried to talk my wife into stowing away on the cruise ship for another week, but sadly she wasn’t up for breaking so many laws.

I defeated the first place Beasts in Week 11, 147.75 to 125.65. I got great production out of Jordan Love and Justin Fields, a red hot game out of Tank Dell for my flex, and the combo of Lamb and Pollard came through with flying colors. This compensated for a Kenneth Walker injury and almost nothing from the Jets defense.

Then, in Week 12, I had the most points in the league, defeating Turd Sandwich 192.05 to 176.80. Once again, Jordan Love looked amazing, Pollard and Lamb were awesome, Dell and Hockenson were great, and Kyren Williams returned to obliterate the competition.

The two victories broke the Cousins Curse, and got me back up to 6-6 on the season. That’s good for fifth place in the league (top six go to the playoffs), with a 1-game cushion over the two teams directly below me (as well as around 100 points of tie-breaking cushion as far as total points are concerned). With two weeks left in the regular season, I only have one guy to worry about. He’s right there with me in total points, but he’s two games behind me in record. So, all I need to do is win one more game, have that guy lose one more game, or have one of the 5-7 teams lose once more, or just score no fewer points than the 4-8 team over the next two weeks. My point being: a playoff spot is all but guaranteed, unless the absolute unthinkable happens (unfortunately, none of those three teams play one another).

The highest I can get is fourth place, but I would have to win out and he would have to lose out, so that seems unlikely. The top four teams have already clinched playoff berths though, so there’s four teams fighting for two spots. Interestingly enough, I have the third-most points scored in the league. No one considers me a threat to win it all, which feels appropriate.

With Williams back in the fold, and with Jordan Love playing positively Cousins-esque, I do think I have a fighting chance. But, this is fantasy football, so of course anything can happen.

This week, I’m going up against last place Toot Cannons. I’ve got my Vikings and Bears (Hockenson, Addison, Fields) on a BYE, so if ever there was an opportunity to blow my winning streak, this is it. Here’s my lineup:

  • Jordan Love (QB) vs. KC
  • Bryce Young (QB) @ TB
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Sea
  • Terry McLaurin (WR) vs. Mia
  • Tony Pollard (RB) vs. Sea
  • Kyren Williams (RB) vs. Cle
  • Trey McBride (TE) @ Pit
  • Tank Dell (WR) vs. Den
  • Dustin Hopkins (K) @ LAR
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) vs. Atl

I love what Love has been doing the last couple weeks, but Kansas City poses quite a threat for him. They didn’t play very well against the Raiders last week, but they still have a lot of talent in their secondary, and can make life difficult up front, so I’m not expecting another 30-point performance. The last thing I want to do is start Young, but I have no other options at the position. On the plus side, Carolina just fired their head coach, so maybe there’s a bounce-back opportunity there. Plus, Tampa’s secondary has been a joke for a while now, so if there was ever a chance for Young to bust out, this might be it.

I like any Cowboys player against this Seahawks defense, but then again, it wouldn’t totally shock me if our defense finally got it together. Williams will have a tough go against the Browns. I do like McLaurin against the Dolphins; Washington should have to throw a lot in this game. And the Jets have a pretty juicy matchup against a turnover-prone Falcons team.

My concern at this time has to do with injury designations to Tank Dell and Trey McBride. McBride is a highly-coveted tight end prospect who has done quite well in the absence of Zach Ertz. If he can’t go, I’m screwed, as there are no other decent TE options on the free agent pile. Dell’s injury sounds minor, but he didn’t practice yesterday, and my problem is having an alternative for him. With Addison on BYE, all I have left is Charbonnet (assuming Walker will miss another week with an oblique injury). With Charbonnet going tonight, I would have to commit to him right now, which means I’d either have to bench Dell (who has been one of the hottest receivers in the league over the last few weeks) or maybe Kyren Williams (if we bank on the Browns’ defense being amazing; he’s nevertheless a snap-hog for the Rams when he’s in there). I don’t want to play Charbonnet against the Cowboys, because I kinda think they’re going to dominate the Seahawks.

So, we’ll see what happens. Hopefully Dell returns to practice later today, and I won’t have to worry about it.

Here’s who Toot Cannons has to offer:

  • Kyler Murray (QB) @ Pit
  • Tua Tagovailoa (QB) @ Was
  • Marquise Brown (WR) @ Pit
  • Chris Olave (WR) vs. Det
  • Jerome Ford (RB) @ LAR
  • Jaylen Warren (RB) vs. Ari
  • Jake Ferguson (TE) vs. Sea
  • Najee Harris (RB) vs. Ari
  • Cameron Dicker (K) @ NE
  • San Francisco (DEF) @ Phi

He’s got a number of injuries (including Justin Jefferson) as well as Saquon Barkley on a BYE. He’s also got De’Von Achane, Tee Higgins, Dallas Goedert, and Tyler Boyd to throw in there in place of Najee Harris. Any way you slice it, Toot Cannons is in rough shape. I would love nothing more than to take care of business this week and not have to worry about the regular season finale.

The Mariners Traded Eugenio Suarez For Junk

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I’d be lying if I told you I understand what the Mariners are doing. Usually, when it’s this early in the offseason, I’ll sit back and say, “Let’s wait and see what other moves are coming. Because surely THIS can’t be the plan!”

The last move that made sense from a roster construction perspective was a little over a year ago, when we traded for Teoscar Hernandez. Your miles may vary on whether or not the move actually worked out, but at least it made some kind of sense. Then, starting with us giving away Kyle Lewis for nothing, trading for Kolten Wong, and bringing in A.J. Pollock and Tommy La Stella – while extending Dylan Moore and essentially guaranteeing him a near-everyday spot in the lineup – the moves started to get blurry to me. They stopped making sense. I kept waiting and TRYING to see, but the closer we got to the start of the season, the more it became clear that this was it. This was the team. We were done making moves, and content to suck it.

We all saw how that turned out.

There hasn’t been a lot going on with the M’s so far this offseason. We let Teoscar Hernandez go away without a fight, which seemed like a bad move at the time, considering I figured there was little risk of him signing his qualifying offer. I haven’t heard of him signing anywhere, but I also don’t think he’s finished as a Major League baseball player. In conjunction with that, comes the news that the Mariners traded away Eugenio Suarez to the Arizona Diamondbacks, just as they did with Kyle Lewis, Ketel Marte, and Paul Sewald. In return for this deal, we get back Carlos Vargas (a relief pitcher) and Seby Zavala (a backup catcher). Pretty much the least you can get in return for a viable starting third baseman.

If I squint, I can sort of see what’s going on here: the Mariners just shed themselves of 425 strikeouts between Hernandez and Suarez. They were the second and third-most strikeouts in all of Major League Baseball last year. Nevertheless, they also accounted for a combined 4.3 WAR between them. That’s not an insignificant amount of production we need to recoup somehow, someway.

There was another deal that happened a couple weeks ago – indeed, on the first day of my honeymoon – that I was going to let slide under the rug and never think about, because it seemed so inconsequential. However, in the wake of the Suarez deal, there have been rumblings. Distressing rumblings.

The Mariners traded reliever Isaiah Campbell – one of our bevy of rookie arms from this past season who was fine at times, but far from great – to the Red Sox for infielder Luis Urias. I had assumed Urias was just another Quad-A utility infielder to throw on the pile. I think I had good reason for this assumption: he’ll be 27 next year, he hasn’t done much of anything at the Major League level, he’s coming off of really a nothing season, and his good numbers were from 2-3 years ago when he played for Milwaukee. That’s a prototypical guy you take a flier on in Spring Training, who maybe ends up as your 25th or 26th man.

However, once the Suarez deal went down, there were some people In The Know saying that this paved the way for Urias to be our starting third baseman, which is absolutely shocking to me! I really want to dismiss it, and again retreat into my cocoon of Wait & See, but coming off all the inaction of our previous offseason, I have to at least somewhat take this threat seriously.

I guess Urias doesn’t strike out as much. That’s something. He also doesn’t hit for average, hit for power, walk a ton, or steal any bases. Maybe his defense is good? That’s fine, but so was Geno’s. This feels like a significant downgrade, and that’s before you consider the hit to morale in the clubhouse. A clubhouse that’s been pissing and moaning for the better part of two years, whenever we get rid of highly-regarded teammates (Graveman, Sewald, now Suarez).

The fact of the matter is, the 2023 Mariners already had at least one significant hole to fill in our everyday lineup (probably more like two or three, but let’s not be greedy). Now, with the loss of Hernandez and Suarez, that’s a MINIMUM of three major holes (and, again, probably more like four or five). We’re going the wrong direction. Our goal was supposed to be improving upon the 2022 playoff squad, to start fighting for a World Series. We sat on our hands last season and regressed our way right out of the playoffs. Now, we’re actively ridding ourselves of productive players, and potentially replacing them with cheap nobodies who will do nothing for us.

Granted, in defense of Mariners brass, both Hernandez and Suarez took steps back in 2023 compared to 2022. If either one of them had managed to just maintain their level of production, we easily would’ve been in the playoffs. But, you can’t dismiss the possibility that they just had down years, and will bounce back in 2024. These are pros, and baseball is wonky as hell. Sometimes you have a bad season for unexplained reasons. That doesn’t mean you’re just finished forever.

As for our return in the Geno deal, Seby Zavala looks like a disaster at the plate. Maybe I’m being a little hard on him, but we’ll see. This surely means the end of Tom Murphy, which I’m fine with. I like Murph as much as the next guy, but he can’t stay healthy, and this team (and Cal Raleigh in particular) is severely taxed whenever he goes down. Zavala appears to be a quality defensive backstop, and if he can just be better than Brian O’Keefe, or whoever in the hell we had in 2022, then bully for us. But, a backup catcher isn’t going to move the needle on this team’s playoff chances.

Carlos Vargas has appeared in exactly 5 Major League games, all in 2023. He’s only 24, and allegedly throws the ball hard, but he also doesn’t seem to have great command yet. This trade will work out if we can harness his power and get him in the strike zone (without getting hit too hard in the process), but I read somewhere that there isn’t a lot of movement on his pitches. It seems like we just traded Isaiah Campbell for an Isaiah Campbell clone. Which means we traded Suarez for Urias and Zavala. Which feels like an absolute massacre for the Mariners.

My faith in the Mariners was already dwindling. Now it’s almost gone completely. I hope they do something awesome soon.

The Huskies Have Kind Of Been Playing Like Shit, But Still Winning

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When the Huskies beat the Beavers 22-20 on the road, I was knee deep in a Broadway musical in New York called & Juliet. My wife loved it; it might be her new favorite. I thought it was very good, but I’m admittedly not the biggest musical guy in the world, and I still think the Moulin Rouge musical is my favorite. That’s neither here nor there; as this was the first full day of our honeymoon, there was just no way I was going to be able to see this game. And, by all accounts, it seemed like an aggravating, frustrating win that we barely clung to. Zero points in the entire second half! We just couldn’t put ’em away, even though we had ’em dead to rights all game.

The following Saturday, when the Huskies beat the Cougars 24-21 at home, we were on the home stretch of our 7-day cruise. We’d done pretty much everything we wanted to do both on and off the boat, and this was a day dedicated to nothing but relaxation. I read a lot of The Talisman by Stephen King & Peter Straub. And, by the time 4pm rolled around, it was wet and freezing outside where the giant poolside television lived. On Thanksgiving, they had been showing ample football games, so hypothetically I could’ve asked them to put on the Apple Cup. But, luckily, one of the cable channels had it in our room, so I was able to watch it from the warmth and comfort of my bed.

This was another one of those games, man, I don’t know what to tell you. Just so annoying! I was particularly pissed off right before half, when we could do nothing with our 2-minute offense, and the Cougs immediately rammed it down our throats to tie it at 14-all at the break. We managed exactly one impressive drive in the second half to go up 21-14, but then it took basically a miracle 4th & 1 call where Penix tossed it back to Odunze on the end-around – rather than hand it off to Dillon Johnson for a second consecutive run stuff up the middle – for a 23 yard gain to help set us up for the game-winning field goal.

The Huskies are 12-0, but damn, it doesn’t feel like an undefeated season. It feels HARD. Overly complicated. We haven’t had an easy, runaway victory by over 10 points since Week 4 vs. Cal. They haven’t all been world-beaters! I keep seeing ASU and Stanford and Wazzu getting DESTROYED, yet here are the Huskies barely scraping by. THIS is a team that’s supposed to beat the Ducks a second time? THIS is a team that’s supposed to contend for a national championship?

It makes me wonder how we beat the Ducks in the first damn place. What have they done since their only loss of the season? They’ve proceeded to win by an AVERAGE of 26 points per game the last six weeks. Other than their loss to us, they have just two games decided by single digits (the closest being 8 points). It almost blows my mind at this point that we were even able to hang with them, let alone prevail. Every team we’re eking out victories against, they’re rolling over like a fucking monster truck.

I just don’t get it. You can’t even really blame it on the game being in Seattle, because we also beat them last year down in Eugene, and these are pretty much the same teams year over year. It makes me wonder: did the Ducks get some infusion of talent after their only loss of the year, that helped them go on this run? Was it a fluke that we beat them in the first place? Are we poised to go down to Las Vegas and get destroyed?

It sure feels like it. It’s a real shame, because we’ve managed to claw our way up to #3 in the AP Poll, passing Florida State (#4), Oregon (#5), and Ohio State (#6) who lost to #2 Michigan last weekend. The only other viable playoff candidates at this point are Texas at #7 and Alabama at #8 (ranked as such – even though both have one loss – because the Longhorns defeated the Crimson Tide).

Given the way we’ve played the majority of this season, it feels like this week is a Must Win. We can’t afford to be a 1-loss team, because we’ll almost certainly be leaped over by any number of teams. It’s kind of interesting – for a moment – to see what it would take. Georgia over Bama, Louisville over Florida State, Oklahoma State over Texas, and maybe even Iowa over Michigan! That’s a lot. But, because I’m always going to believe that the Buckeyes would make it over us (both teams having 1 loss), it might be necessary, and even then, they could always side with Michigan over us as well and have two teams from the Big 10 in the playoffs.

I’ll be honest, I know every Husky fan is out there touting this line (Oregon -9.5) as the ultimate disrespect, which we’ll hopefully parlay into the extra motivation we need to truly crush them, but I dunno. I think we’re gonna lose. And I don’t even think it’s going to be particularly close.

There’s something that just isn’t quite right with this Husky team, and I can’t put my finger on it. The offense has looked legitimately terrible for long stretches of some of these games. Then, they do what they did against USC and Stanford, and you think everything’s okay again. The defense looked abysmal in those games, and the first half of Utah, making you wonder if that’s going to be our undoing. Then, they come out and shut teams down for long stretches.

But, when was our last Complete Game? It’s been two straight months of being the cardiac kids, and it’s starting to drain my confidence.

I should also point out that me and my friends are planning on watching the game together, which rarely – if ever – goes well for us. In the big games, that is. In the games that truly matter. But, I know that’s all in my head. We’ve been together for big wins in the past. And we’ve been apart for plenty of devastating losses. I’m no weak-willed motherfucker! I’m not going to let that stand in the way of a good time!

It’s also kind of a shame that Michael Penix’s Heisman Trophy chances have dwindled to almost nothing. He’d need to win this game and put up a monster performance in doing so, but I just don’t see it. Dillon Johnson has become too important to our chances, and part of me feels like Penix is hiding some sort of nagging injury that is sapping his usefulness.

You know what’s a bad sign heading into the Pac-12 Championship this Friday? When you try to point out Oregon’s weaknesses and you say, “Well, I guess their kicker is shaky”. That’s all you got? Granted, he missed a pretty important kick in the first game, but if he’s the only weakness, I got news for you: this game won’t come down to a field goal.

I just think, you know, we can’t have nice things. We can run the table in the regular season and that’s all well and good, but we can’t beat a team like Oregon twice in the same year. That’s asking too much. We know each other too well by this point, they’re our most hated of all-time rivals, so of course they’re going to kick our asses when it matters most. We’ll have to settle for some other New Years Power Six bowl and maybe get our 13th victory that way.

But, it won’t come this week. I’m resigning myself to it now; I suggest you do the same.