Twenty Ten Round One: O-KUNG!!!

Hope you enjoyed round 1, Seahawks fans, because rounds 2 and 3 have a combined ONE pick for the home team. Of course, unless we Trade Down, but considering we merely have the 60th pick to work with, I SERIOUSLY doubt we’ll be able to work our way into the 3rd Round while also making a pick in the 2nd round.

As for the weekend, we’ve got two 4th Rounders, two 5th Rounders, a 6th and a 7th. In the next 2 days, we’ll need to get D-Line help, maybe another cornerback, a wide receiver, a running back, maybe a 3rd string quarterback, maybe another O-lineman, and certainly some Special Teamers (I’d like to see a low-round linebacker to replace Lance Laury, but that’s neither here nor there).

Obviously, we’re not here to talk about that party & bullshit. We’re here to talk about Okung! O-KUNG! Get a load of the pancakes on THAT guy!

I find that watching the NFL Draft is a lot more entertaining if the only thing you compare players by is how many pancakes they show on the highlight reels. Oh really? You took Eric Berry from us? Well, did he PANCAKE anybody? I don’t think so; HE SUCKS!

For the record, my boy O-KUNG pancaked a HELLUVA lot more guys than both of the San Francisco-drafted linemen combined.

So, what’s the skinny on O-KUNG? 6-5, 307, long arms, mobile, and starting immediately at Left Tackle for YOUR Seattle Seahawks. Walter Jones retired? Problem solved: O-KUNG!!! I feel like we need a giant gong to be hit every time his name is announced.

We’re also here to talk about Earl Thomas – who, I’ll admit, doesn’t have nearly as cool of a name. Nevertheless, doesn’t “Earl Thomas” just sound like a guy who’d be good at playing football? Like a combo of Earl Campbell and Derrick Thomas.

The only thing I remember about Earl Thomas in doing my “research” over the last weeks and months is that he wasn’t as good as this guy from Tennessee, but everyone had him rated higher than Taylor Mays (who was presented as a bruiser of the Ken Hamlin variety). The ESPN douchebags (seriously, does Steve Young ever shut the hell up?) likened Eric Berry to Ed Reed … but they likened Earl Thomas to Bob Sanders. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ll TAKE a Bob Sanders! I’ll take a Bob Sanders with a side of gravy!

With Kansas City virtually making our pick for us – as I have a feeling if they would’ve taken O-KUNG, we would’ve waited on our Left Tackle need and either gone with Berry or traded down – this first round was a slam dunk. I got a little nervous when Philly traded to jump ahead of us in the draft, as all the ESPN guys were convinced they were going with Thomas. Instead they took some linebacker/end. I have a feeling we never had any intention of drafting that Defensive End from Georgia Tech, so that probably would’ve been a prime time to trade down.

BUT, whatever. We got our guys, we filled two needs, and we got two NFL-ready starters who will hopefully be going to Pro Bowls and leading us to championships in no time.

After what I deemed to be a shakey-at-best beginning for Pete Carroll and John Schneider, they proved in the first round of their first NFL draft together that they know what the fuck they’re doing.

They went the sensible route in picking O-KUNG, and they went even more sensible in picking E.T. I can’t wait to see what they do for an encore.

In other Draft News:

I was surprised to see C.J. Spiller go in the top 10. I was even more surprised to see him go to the Bills. Not for nothin’, but I heard rumors that the Bills are shopping Marshawn Lynch, and even MORE rumors that the Seahawks might have interest. I gotta say, that’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard, but I certainly wouldn’t overpay (especially now that they’ve got a logjam and are probably desperate to unload), because I think we can get a runner in the draft just as easily.

In “What The FUCK Are The Raiders THINKING?” news … what the FUCK are the Raiders THINKING? I don’t want to sound like I’m siding with the consensus just to fit in or sound like I know what I’m talking about, but Christ! You should’ve taken Clausen! Give up on Jamarcus Russell, he’s a bust already! Even the rookiest of rookie quarterbacks manage to post better quarterback ratings than he’s done in his, what, third? fourth year? You certainly DON’T take an inside linebacker at 9! The more I think about it, the more I think you should probably NEVER pick a linebacker in the first round. Taking Tatupu into account, not to mention David Hawthorne who wasn’t even drafted and filled in admirably when Tatupu went down, not to mention all the other teams with all those other lowly-picked linebackers … I think the track record has been proven. For every Lawrence Taylor picked high, there are tons of Good-Enough linebackers taken with much lower picks.

With all his heart, Tim Tebow is going to suck a lot of dick and do whatever his coaches ask of him with all his heart.

Clausen & McCoy. No soup for you! Did I really just see that? Are teams finally starting to wisen up to these Not Ready For Primetime Players in lieu of guys who will actually produce? I know they won’t fall forever, but I hope they sweat just a little bit longer as the chickenfuckers that they are. Tired of loser quarterbacks commanding a premium price for either riding the pine or throwing interceptions in football games. Says a lot about their level of skill, when you have all these teams with all these quarterback issues. Of course, if either one of them turns into an All Star, then that team will have gotten the steal of the draft, bar none.

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