A Paragraph With The Mariners – 20

Look, I get it. This isn’t the 2001 Mariners; it’s the 2010 Mariners. We’re going to lose some series here and there; it’s BOUND to happen. But Christ man! We’ve GOT to stop getting swept! The last two weekends have been about as pitiful as they get! Looks like the M’s aren’t taking this lying down though; Ryan Jagerbombs Langerhans is back up, replacing the corpse of Eric Byrnes. And The Other J. Wilson is back up, replacing the lumbering hitless oaf known simply around these parts as Tui (because who wants to keep track of the proper spelling of Tuiasosopo?). I think ridding this team of the stench of Byrnes was long overdue; I never understood why he made the team over Jagerbombs in the first place. Since when is a left-handed hitting 4th outfielder who can play all three positions a bad thing? What will be Byrnes’ legacy as a Mariner? Well, there was that time he dove all-out for a ball, having it JUST tip off the end of his glove for a run-scoring double. And there was the time he climbed the outfield fence, reaching his arm a good two-feet over the wall, having it JUST tip off the end of his glove and bounce back into the field of play for a run-scoring double. And, of course, who can forget the 11th inning of last Friday’s game when the Suicide Squeeze was called with Byrnes at the plate? Instead of bunting the ball, or trying at all to do what he was told, he showed bunt, then pulled the bat back when he saw the ball was very low and very outside. With Ichiro barrelling down the 3rd base line towards home, the catcher dug the ball out of the dirt and tagged him out; Byrnes standing there like a dickless chump. What do all of those near-great-made-tragic plays by Byrnes have in common? If recollection has it correct, they all happened in close (dare I say 1-run) games that we ended up losing. Ergo, with Byrnes the Mariners went 11-14. WITHOUT Byrnes, we could’ve been 14-11. I welcome with loving and open arms the return of Jagerbombs; he of the two game-winning home runs last season.

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