A Paragraph With The Mariners – 36

You ever see that movie “Little Big League”? Some kid (Billy Heywood), has a grandparent, he dies, leaves the kid the Minnesota Twins, the kid decides he’s going to run the team. It’s got the great Timothy Busfield as the kid’s mom’s love interest/the Twins’ first baseman … Jonathan Silverman plays the wise-cracking relief pitcher … No, this isn’t my clever way of saying that I think a child could do a better job managing the Seattle Mariners. See, there’s this part where Billy Heywood’s favorite player in the whole wide world – Ken Griffey Jr. Jerry Johnson – is past his prime and struggling to get his bat going. One day, Jerry gets a base hit and Billy’s going crazy in the dugout. That’s when his bench coach Mac turns to him and says, “Kid, don’t you think there’s a problem when you get that excited over a seeing-eye single?” Now, don’t get me wrong, yesterday’s game-winning RBI single in the bottom of the 9th was great and all, but let’s not start sucking each others dicks quite yet. Granted, a win is a win and I won’t begrudge anyone who helps this team get one; but seeing yesterday’s pinch hit performance is like the wife beater buying his spouse a bouquet of flowers after giving her the same black eye and dislocated shoulder every day since the beginning of April. Ironically, the Twins end up losing at the end of “Little Big League” thanks to Ken Griffey Jr. and the Seattle Mariners (I say “ironically” because in real life no Seattle team ever wins the big game). I think we need a little of that movie magic again if we’re going to go anywhere this season.

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