Roger Clemens Is A Big Fat Asshole

Allegedly.  I’m pretty sure I heard someone say that somewhere.  If pressed to come in and speak under oath, I could probably come up with one or two witnesses to back me up.

I don’t like Roger Clemens.  I think he’s kind of a dick and a dirty fucking cheater.  Not really something I have the time or capability to try and back up with fact-finding; that’s just my opinion.  Which is fine and obviously I’m entitled to it.  Roger Clemens doesn’t care if I think he’s a dick OR a dirty fucking cheater.

Of course, the problem lies in that a LOT of other people out there – fans of the game and whatnot – they ALSO think he’s a dirty fucking cheater (saying nothing of his possible dick-like qualities).  When it goes from one man’s cuckoo theory to widespread belief, then it hardly even matters if you did the things we think you did or not.  Get the government involved, and the justice system, and you’ve got the stink of Guilty all over you before anyone’s even given his opening statement.

As a Mariners fan, I think I’ve gotten past most of the aggravation of the Steroids Era.  I could sit here and say, “Well, if so-and-so had never taken steroids, then so-and-so probably wouldn’t have 1-hit us in the pivotal Game 4 of the 2000 ALCS, because he would’ve been such a broken-down shell of a human being that he would’ve been forced into retirement years before,” I COULD sit here and say that, but where would it get me?  Let’s face it, at this point I’m ready to believe every baseball player known to man was taking SOMETHING to enhance his performance.  Levelling the playing field in that regard, it’s still going to come down to the actual performance on the field, we still got beat, and that’s the end of it.

Regardless, I still hope Clemens goes to jail.  If for nothing else than his last couple of years where he’d waltz into the clubhouse in mid-May and command some rediculous amount of money to play for just a couple of months.  Like I said, I think he’s a dick!  Yes they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell!

You brought this all on yourself Clemens.  In some bizarre quest to “Clear Your Name”.  I mean, you’ve got to be kidding me!  Just go away quietly, stay away from the press, and in a few years we’ll let you be a coach or something like Mark McGwire is in St. Louis.  Does taking steroids shrink your brain like it does your testes?  It’s not that complicated:  you’ve been implicated in one of the biggest disgraces in sports history … that’s not just going to go away because you’ve imagined some rationalization about ears growing out of your forehead!  You’re going to need evidence that you’ve NEVER taken them. 

Oh sure, legally speaking the onus might be on the government to have to prove without a shadow of a doubt that you DID take steroids or HGH or whatever, but winning that case just keeps you from prison.  It won’t prove – in that almighty Court Of Public Opinion – that you’re totally and 100% innocent.  The people will still believe you did it.  We know it was you, Fredo.  And we’re never going to let you forget we know.

Now go.  Go rot in Baseball Purgatory with Pete Rose and Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro.

1 thought on “Roger Clemens Is A Big Fat Asshole

  1. Pingback: Roger Clemens Bat Attack Was Steroid Rage Says Piazza's Wife | HEAVY

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