The search for a new Mariners manager should prove, undoubtedly, to be as pointless as it is frustrating. In one corner, you’ve got Unknown Bench Coach X hailing from Some Team That’s Only Been Good For The Last 10 Minutes. He comes highly touted by whoever he’s worked with as the Next Big Thing and a Great Baseball Man. Ultimately, his lack of experience does him in under the pressure of a bad baseball club combined with the curse of sports in Seattle. In another corner, you’ve got Old Retread Hasbeen. Old Retread Hasbeen has been out of baseball for a spell, has managed for no less than three different franchises, is respected for his experience and charisma in front of a television camera. Old Retread Hasbeen likes to say he’s “just been waiting for the right opportunity,” though the truth of the matter is, if he were really a desired commodity, he wouldn’t have spent those years managing in Japan. Granted, Old Retread Hasbeen has that experience we’ve been lacking, but unfortunately the bulk of that “experience” has been of losing baseball games. People in Seattle can safely say we’ve “experienced” that enough. In yet a third corner, we have Former Mariner J.C. Since we love our former Mariners, especially those who played on that 1995 team that will never die, Former Mariner J.C. is certainly the fan’s choice (assuming that fan is over 80, female, and senile). Unfortunately, the club president embodies 2 of those 3 qualities, so in all likelihood Former Mariner J.C. could be the winner. What you won’t see in that remaining corner is: Up-&-Coming Manager With Experience & A Winning Pedigree (a la Lou Piniella back in the early 90s). Those guys don’t come around too often, they don’t just fall in your lap, and they’ll probably cost a bundle to bring in. Would it be worth it? If the Mariners were serious about winning, yeah. But they’re not, so let’s just hire Joey Cora and get it over with so he can be shit-canned in two years along with the GM and half the roster.