The Two Worst Teams: Seahawks @ Cardinals

In total offense, the Seattle Seahawks so far are 30th out of a possible 32 teams.  The Cards are 31st.

In total defense, the Seattle Seahawks so far are 26th out of a possible 32 teams.  The Cards are 30th.

CLEARLY, the Seahawks are the superior team.  CLEARLY, they’re going to go into … whatever the hell they call the stadium in which they play and wipe the floor with Arizona.

Just, whatever you do, don’t expect a good, clean game.  For God’s sake!  Don’t expect that!

Watching the Seahawks on offense is like watching a retard hump a doorknob.  I can’t remember who said that originally, but there is no more fitting metaphor simile (hint:  the Seahawks are the doorknob).  And without their girth on the defensive line, you might as well pencil the Cards in for a 100 yard rusher.  I don’t know if it’ll be Hightower or Wells, but just pencil that right in there.

I’ll say it again (though, I can’t remember if I said it before), this game will come down to Derek Anderson and whether or not we get Good Derek or Bad Derek.  Since we likely won’t be able to generate a pass rush, and since I get the ominous feeling (since he hasn’t practiced much lately) that Lofa Tatupu will be out for this game, I would expect we’ll see more towards the Good.

But look, we’ve got Hasselbeck back from his concussion.  We probably don’t have Okung back, but it looks like Polumbus is there, so at least we’ve got a little more depth.  These AREN’T the New York Football Giants, so we’ll probably at least be IN this game.

I don’t know what to tell you.  For some reason, even though I knew we’d be crushed, I was more excited for last week’s game.  I think it was that aforementioned lack of pressure.  This week, there’s ALL KINDS of pressure.  We win this game, we take a big step forward in the division.  Not only record-wise, but that’ll mean we’ve beaten the Cards twice so we’ll have the tie-breaker.  And I’m not gonna lie to you, we need all the tie-breakers we can get.

Of course, I’d like to see the Seahawks win the rest of their games, but there are three no more important games than the three against Arizona, San Francisco, and St. Louis.  I want those games in the worst way.  Here’s to hoping that the offense can pull its head out of its ass for once.  We can’t rely exclusively on turnovers to score points!

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