To Those I Just Helped Make Instant Millionaires: You’re Welcome

That’s right, you can ALL thank me and my Gut for your newfound gains.

Sure as shit didn’t happen like I THOUGHT it would happen, though.  Man, Felix just wasn’t doing it last night.  7 runs in 6 innings.  Of course, I never saw any of this happen; I went to bed after the bottom of the third inning when we had the bases loaded with 1 out and couldn’t score.  Seen that story told too many times to sit through it another 6 innings.

Of course, had I stayed up, I would’ve witnessed probably the greatest comeback in the last two years.  Down 7-0 after 6 full innings.  Then, a solo homer by Bradley, 3 runs walked in, and two 2-RBI singles in the 8th and 9th innings.

How crazy was this game?  How absolutely batshit-backwards did things go down?  Felix struggles in pretty much every inning, gives up TWELVE hits and two walks to account for those 7 runs … and it’s the rest of the team that picks him up?  WHAT?

Pretty much everyone in the lineup did something except for Olivo, who left 9,000 people on base in his 5 at-bats (and did Felix no favors with letting those wild pitches go by him).  We racked up 11 hits and an INSANE 11 walks (which accounts for why their starter could only go 5 shutout innings).  Granted, we were 3 for 15 with Runners In Scoring Position (actually raising our average in that catagory from .194 to .195), but when you walk in 3 runs with the bases loaded in back-to-back-to-back at-bats, I think you can give the team a little leeway.

And finally, if the thought of the Mariners scoring 8 runs in the final 3 innings isn’t enough to make your brain explode, our bullpen ALSO helped out Felix and our cause by not giving up any runs in those innings!  Don’t look now, but Aaron Laffey hasn’t given up a run in his 5 innings over 3 appearances (don’t look now, but I just jinxed Aaron Laffey).  And sweet sassy mo-lassy, Wilhelmsen and Lueke both pitched scoreless innings (and both now have matching 9.82 ERAs).

The long national nightmare is over.  The Mariners won a fucking baseball game.  I can finally breathe again.

And hey, Michael Pineda goes tonight!  This week is already looking better than the last!

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