But not just any steaming turd log. He’s one of those big ones that get cut off partway through when your ass-cheeks accidentally clench together, resulting in a big shitty mess in your asshole. It would be different if he were a long, majestic, unbroken turd log! Then, I’d bring my friends around the bowl and share in its glory.
But no. Chris Ray is a partial turd log. And HE NEEDS TO GO!
Listen up, Mariners, I’m being totally serious with you right now. You need to get rid of this son of a bitch! He’s blown 2 games and that’s 2 games too fucking many! He can’t hit his spots, he’s got nothing on his fastball, he’s DONE. God dammit he’s fucking done and you need to cut his ass TODAY!
I’ll put up with the shitty offense. I get it. There wasn’t a lot of money, there weren’t that many options available … it is what it is. I’ve accepted it. I’ll still bitch about it from time to time … but I’ve accepted it.
But, that does NOT mean I have to accept Chris Ray getting the ball in the 7th and 8th innings of games so he can come in and totally destroy everything! Yesterday: 2 outs, 5 hits, 5 earned runs. PATHETIC. Chris Ray, you are pathetic and you need to fucking retire your ass immediately.