Last night my brother and I took our dad out to dinner for his birthday, just as the Mariners game was getting started on the West Coast. As you may well know if you’ve ever been to The Outback, they do indeed (at least the Tacoma Outback does) have televisions showing sporting events as they happen.
As it turned out, they sat us way on the right side of the restaurant, and there was a pole RIGHT in my way, blocking just about all the action on the TV. I could’ve made a fuss and had us moved to a table with a better view … but that would’ve resulted in me watching the Seattle Mariners play baseball. Understatement: I’m glad I didn’t switch tables.
What good came of this game? I guess Ichiro has a couple more hits to throw on the pile. Two of our weakest hitting regulars (Figgins & Ryan) both got doubles. We only missed on 4 of our opportunities with Runners In Scoring Position (instead of the usual 12, making this loss far less maddening). We didn’t technically get shut out (though our run was unearned). And HEY, Doug Fister got the Complete Game!
But look, we were destined for failure from the get-go. Major League Baseball teams canNOT have Adam Kennedy batting 4th in their lineup and expect to score runs or win ballgames. It’s just not going to happen.
Anyway, as I said, I didn’t watch the game. So, to make it up to you, I hereby produce for you the single greatest Twitter account known to man. Fake Ron Fairly! Coming up with such gems as:
- The #mariners would have a lot better record if they won more games
- @TheGreenHydro goes way faster on water than it does on pavement….or gravel
- One interesting thing about having a retractable roof is that you can open it when it is nice and close it when it rains. @safecofieldroof
- If Pineda can pitch a complete game shutout, the #mariners should be in good position to get a win
And maybe my favorite:
- #Pineda reminds me a lot of Bob Wells, just taller, thinner, and with a completely different repertoire.
So, follow him, won’t you? You can get in pretty much on the ground floor, as of this post hitting the Internet, Fake Ron Fairly only has 153 followers.