King Felix vs. The Human Element

What an unsatisfying split.

So, in the first inning yesterday, you might have noticed something interesting.  Home plate umpire C.B. Bucknor wasn’t giving out the high strike.  We’re talking right down the pipe, letter-high strikes; Felix wasn’t getting them.  I would presume that neither team was getting them, but still, it’d be nice to know these things before you’re already behind 2-0 in the count to the first batter.

Which led to a walk, a fielder’s choice, a walk, some kind of sacrifice thing, and a 2-RBI single.  And you just KNEW this would be one of those kinds of games where a 2 to nothing deficit in the first inning would be the decider.

Still, what the hell?  Why are we still using human umpires again?  Because it’s fun to have different guys with different strike zones?  It brings an added element of difficulty not unlike the weather?

Except it is unlike the weather.  You can prepare for certain types of weather.  But, you can’t necessarily prepare for the fact that a certain umpire doesn’t feel like calling the high strikes.  He pretty much just cut the strike zone in half!  Can you remember the last time Felix walked two batters in the same inning?  Because I honestly cannot.  And yet, here we are, with C.B. Bucknor calling whatever the hell he wants, and people just shrug their shoulders and say, “Hey, that’s baseball!”

Well, it God damn doesn’t have to be!  The human element is full of shit!  It has no place in the game!  We have such sophisticated fucking computers out there who can make these decisions for us, I can’t understand why we rely on one man’s eye.

It’s a testament to Felix that he was able to control his emotions and put up zeroes for the subsequent seven innings.  He gave up three hits all game, with a pinhole strike zone!  It’s just too bad that the first hit made him a loser.

Yeah, I could sit here and blame the offense.  I could say Miguel Olivo has no fucking business batting cleanup for a Pee Wee League team, let alone a fucking American League team; I could say Jack Cust is a fucking waste of life who’s STILL yet to hit a home run; I could say it’s time to DFFA (Designate For Fucking Assignment) Jack Wilson and bring up someone from Tacoma who’s been tearing the shit off the ball (you know who I’m talking about); I could say the Brendan Ryan Experiment has failed miserably and it’s time to start someone else at short stop … but it still wouldn’t change the fact that C.B. Bucknor is a fucking tool and needs to retire his ass from baseball immediately.

We should have won this game 1-0.  Instead, we got fucked by an imbecile, just like every other team who’s had to play a game with C.B. Bucknor in the dark blues.

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