I was going to write about this a little bit more timely, but then I moved and work got super fucking busy, so there you go.
I was at the M’s game on Saturday, July 2nd against the San Diego Padres (those miserable fucking twats), and before you ask, no I did not notice the 3-ball walk that ended up costing us a 1-0 game. I normally prefer low-scoring baseball games (especially when my team wins), but this was one I wouldn’t have minded dragging out a little bit.
You see, I got my hands on a couple tickets in the Mariners suites. 200 level, horse-shoeing the stadium, these suites were pretty damned
sweet awesome. I don’t know if you can get these for every game or what (mine were from a Groupon deal), but you’re living the good life in every possible way.
First of all, you’re on the 200-level, so you have your own concessions apart from the general rabble. And since the only thing I ever order at a game is a souvenir soda (because I am a Clampett), it’s not like I’m missing out on whatever food they don’t carry in the 200-level. Also, this is no small to do: cleaner bathrooms. They’re cleaner because they’re used less often because there aren’t as many people in this area. I don’t know why I find this terrific, probably because I don’t go in there automatically expecting piss on the toilet seats like I would in any other Safeco Field restroom. That isn’t to say there ISN’T piss on the fancy-pants 200-level toilet seats; I just don’t necessarily always EXPECT piss. It’s the thought that counts.
Also, you’re not ass-to-elbows when you’re seated, watching the game. Instead, everyone gets their own individual office-type chair, with the swivel-action, the recline-action, the armrest-action, and the cushy padded seats & backside. AND, there’s a flat metal surface in front of you where you can rest your food and drink like you’re a human being with dignity & self-respect (i.e. you don’t have to balance five things on your lap because you’re a God damn hog). I’m telling you, I never wanted to leave!
The fun doesn’t stop there, though. You know what else WASN’T constantly getting in my way? Fucking people. There weren’t people getting up and down every other pitch, making me stand and let them pass. There weren’t people walking up and down the stairs all the time because they’re too self-involved to realize there’s a fucking baseball game going on and maybe they could wait until there’s a break in the action. There wasn’t that “BEER HERE MIKESHARDLEMONADE” guy or any of the other loudmouths peddling their overpriced crap in my ear. In my section, there was something like 15 people. For most of the game, they stayed put. And I was happy.
If I can’t have a 300 section all to myself, then the next best thing for the anti-social baseball fan is definitely rocking it in the suites. I can’t wait for the next time I get to do Safeco in style.