I got to watch the whole first half in a SeaTac Airport bar with no sound; I got to watch most of the second half on the plane with only brief intermittent interruptions in their digital television service … so I think I’m pretty much an expert at all things This Game.
First of all, I’ll just get the defense out of the way because I don’t care. The Seahawks had one series against San Diego’s number 1 offense. They held the ball for five and a half minutes over 10 plays, going 89 yards for the touchdown. It couldn’t have looked easier … except, it HAS. Last year, first preseason game against Tennessee (in a game we would also come back to win), they sliced and diced their way in just under six minutes, going 79 yards for the touchdown on their 10th play (a 1-yard Chris Johnson TD run).
Both of these instances have left me shaking my head … it’s a good thing the Preseason is four games long, because our D is not ready for Primetime.
By the way, THANK YOU John Schneider and Pete Carroll for re-signing Kelly Jennings. I implore all of you to find a copy of that first San Diego drive. You got to witness all that Kelly Jennings has to offer: getting beat deep by a taller receiver (of course, there isn’t a receiver in the league who’s shorter than Kelly Jennings), whiffing on a tackle of the running back, making a shoe-string ankle tackle on another ball-handler. This guy is the absolute beans, and I’m SO FUCKING HAPPY we have him back.
Really, though, what I’m here to talk about is what’s on everybody’s minds: TarVar. Yes, I’m going to utilize the stupidest nickname in sports for the most worthless athlete in sports, because he deserves nothing less.
Know that, as I write this, I’m repeating the same mantra in my head over and over (“It’s only a preseason game, it’s only a preseason game”), but I’m sorry, I’ve never seen a guy who’s so indecisive! I’d almost rather he just stare down his primary receiver and force a throw into coverage than just stand in the pocket with the jittery legs (simultaneously forcing himself to stay there – as if instructed by coaches for all the years he’s been in the NFL – while his natural instincts tell him to run like the wind for a first down) and take another fucking sack.
If, indeed, we’re going to call a TarVar “strength” his athleticism and ability to run with the football … then why don’t we just let him run with the football? If he’s going to constantly second-guess himself in the pocket as to who he should throw the ball, then we might as well put him at ease and tell him to run at the first instance of perceived trouble.
Look, they can’t ALL be covered. There HAS to be SOMEONE who’s even remotely open! You know what TarVar looked like last Thursday? He looked like someone who was, indeed, locked into a single receiver, and when he discovered that receiver was blanketed, he didn’t know what else to do because he’s truly incapable of checking down to his alternate receivers.
TarVar is a joke, and I can’t wait until he’s replaced.
Unfortunately for me, it’s unlikely to take place anytime soon because Good Ol’ Charlie Whitehurst wasn’t exactly turning the world on with his smile. He looked ALMOST as bad as TarVar in the first half. That’s really what matters most to me, because all the good he did in the second half is pretty meaningless.
By the way, anyone else perversely excited about Josh Portis? I kinda can’t wait to see what he’s capable of in the next three games. Wouldn’t it be something if the prophecy was true and the Seahawks were completely and totally miserable this season, giving Portis a chance to start towards the end? Wouldn’t it be something if HE is the chosen one to lead us into the future?
I’ll close with what everyone has taken away from this game. Not TarVar sucking, not Football Jesus being Football Jesus, but Russell Okung’s third ankle injury in the last year. Look, I’m just going to say it: Okung is going to be “That Guy” who’s super talented, but whose body won’t let him play football for any meaningful stretch. The injuries will soon start to mount, rendering his “super talented” qualities obsolete, and he’ll be out of football within five years. Which sucks, because that means the Seahawks are going to be in the market for another Left Tackle WAY sooner than they thought they’d be.
RIP Russell Okung. Your promise is what I’ll miss the most.