This year’s Seahawks team will be, in a lot of ways, like last year’s team. I think when they win, for the most part, they’ll look okay; and when they lose, they’re going to get beaten into submission!
One exception might be Week 1 at San Francisco. I certainly don’t think the Seahawks will win this game (in fact, my money is on the Seahawks losing by double digits), but the Seahawks COULD keep it interesting. Could. I dunno, maybe I’m not as down on Alex Smith as the rest of the world. Sure, Alex Smith sucks, but is he really THAT bad? My definition of THAT = Tarvaris Jackson & Charlie Whitehurst. In his career against the Seahawks, Alex Smith has been pretty okay. 8 passing touchdowns (another 2 running) vs. 3 interceptions. Tack on the fact that when he’s been healthy, Frank Gore has been killing Seahawks like Lionel Cosgrove kills zombies (5.75 yards per attempt career vs. Seattle), and I’d say right there that’s enough. But, San Fran also has a good rush defense. And their pass defense can’t be THAT bad (see: above definition of THAT). My guess: San Francisco 24, Seattle 13.
Week 2 at Pittsburgh, just forget about it. We’re going to be slaughtered. If we literally make it out of the Steel City alive, I’ll be shocked. What I’m trying to say is, they’re going to beat us so bad, a group of disgruntled, despondent players (probably led by Sidney Rice, Robert Gallery, Leroy Hill, and punter Jon Ryan) will likely attempt to overtake the cockpit during their flight home and crash the plane into Mount Rushmore instead of suffer the ignominy of playing one more game under this conglomerate of Seahawks players. My guess: Pittsburgh 44, Seattle 0.
Our best and likely only chance at a victory before the BYE will come in Week 3, during the home opener vs. Arizona. Much like the San Francisco game, I just don’t see it happening for us. If Tarvar is still standing and starting, this is where you’re first going to start hearing the steady stream of boos via the home crowd who paid good money for shoddy footballing. It won’t all be Tarvar’s fault, but he will cough up the ball more than once. The Cardinals, meanwhile, will have given Kevin Kolb the softest landing possible (week 1 vs. Carolina, week 2 @ Washington) as he steadily leads them to a 3-0 record while not looking all that amazing. My Guess: Arizona 31, Seattle 20.
In Week 4, again, forget it. At home, vs. Atlanta, it’s going to be a repeat of last year down to the yard. I don’t understand why everyone is so down on the Falcons this year; they had an awesome year last year, they’re bringing just about everyone of import back, and if they can stay healthy at quarterback, they should be able to continue rocking and socking opponents. They might not win as many as they did last year, but they’ll still be in the playoffs! And, as I said before, I got them in the Super Bowl. My Guess: Atlanta 45, Seattle 17.
Chock up an 0-5 record after Week 5 when the Seahawks go on the road to face the Giants. First of all, they’re just better than us. Secondly, they’ve got a HUGE bone to pick with us for taking a playoff spot last year (at 7-9), when they finished 10-6 and stayed home. They still haven’t lived down that whole 12th Man/False Start fiasco game, so believe me when I say they’ll be looking to throw it down our throats. My Guess: New York 33, Seattle 13.
Week 6 is our BYE. This is when everyone is saying Tarvar will be benched in favor of Charlie Whitehurst. I concur.
In Week 7, we go to Cleveland. A lot of people are riding Cleveland’s jock this year even though they didn’t do a whole lot last year. Are you REALLY buying into Colt McCoy? I know Peyton Hillis is like White Running Back Gold, but I dunno. They jumped up and bit a couple of playoff teams last year and I think that’s exciting, but for Cleveland to withstand the long haul of a season (when they play in a division featuring Pittsburgh and Baltimore) is expecting a little too much. In spite of that, this is a road game. This is a road game that starts at 10am in the Pacific Time Zone. This is the third consecutive road game to start at 10am in the Pacific Time Zone (of the five we have all year). I don’t have to tell you how the Seahawks fare in this type of situation. Nevertheless, I see them keeping it reasonably close. My Guess: Cleveland 16, Seattle 6.
I think we’re likely to see our first win in Week 8, when we play host to the Cincinnati Bengals. Cincinnati will be one of a handful of teams we’ll be competing with in the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes, and for the life of me I don’t know if we can beat them and still hold down the #1 pick. Maybe they can steal a home game against the 49ers or Bills? Maybe they shock Cleveland once, or steal a game late in the season when Houston starts to fade (as they always do)? I don’t want to say we’re looking at an 0-16 team here, but I’m sayin’ there’s a chance (YEAH!). I have to hope beyond hope this isn’t another 1992 season situation (where the Seahawks and the Patriots both had the same record, but since we beat them, they got the #1 overall pick and selected Drew Bledsoe). Although, these ARE the Bungals; who’s to say they don’t pass over Andrew Luck for some linebacker or something? My Guess: Seattle 28, Cincinnati 14.
In Week 9, we go on the road to play Dallas (in yet another 10am start). I don’t see this going well (because I see Dallas being a playoff team this year). Tony Romo has a lot of reasons to hate us, he’s still got a lot of weapons, and they still have a defense that’s swarming & attacking like nobody’s business. My Guess: Dallas 35, Seattle 10.
By the time Week 10 comes around (when we host Baltimore), Charlie Whitehurst will have bought himself some time with some all-right play. This is where that ends. I’m seeing turnovers on top of turnovers, followed by a late-game injury that puts Tarvar back in the driver’s seat. Meanwhile, Baltimore rolls all over us. My Guess: Baltimore 37, Seattle 17.
Going into Week 11, we’re 1-8, we’re most likely banged up, and where we’re not banged up we’re still incredibly young. Going into week 11, where we go to St. Louis to play the Rams, they’re most likely not doing all that much better to tell you the truth. By the time Week 11 rolls around, they will have played Philly, Baltimore, the Giants, Green Bay, Dallas, New Orleans, and they’ll have gone on the road to play Arizona and Cleveland. Who’s to say the Rams won’t be down near the bottom of the division based solely on schedule alone? Who’s to say the Rams won’t be ready to take advantage of a terrible Seahawks team? My Guess: St. Louis 35, Seattle 7.
In Week 12, the Seahawks face their 2nd biggest test of the season. But, not in the way you’re thinking. The Redskins come to town and I have to believe they’ll be poised for the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes as well. Why did Seattle have such utter misfortune as to play the worst couple of teams in the NFL at home? There’s no way we don’t beat Washington, is there? Meanwhile, who do they play? They go on the road to Carolina and Buffalo back-to-back; that MIGHT be two wins, but I wouldn’t count on it because I (unlike most others) like Buffalo and think they can shock some teams this year (similarly to the way Cleveland shocked a couple teams last year). I gotta hope Washington takes out Arizona or Minnesota or the 49ers at home, because the rest of their home contests are hard as shit. My Guess: Seattle 31, Washington 28.
In Week 13, on a Thursday night the NFL Network must already be regretting, the Seahawks host the Philadelphia Eagles. It’s almost like the NFL has a crystal ball and looks into the future for the WORST possible matchups based solely on the outcome of the game and based nothing on what this game could represent going into the season (or the offseason, or whenever the schedules are actually released). There’s no way the announcers aren’t yammering on for 20 solid minutes about the Pike Place Market in the middle of the third quarter. My Guess: Philadelphia 44, Seattle 21.
Eleven days later, we host the Rams during Week 14‘s Monday night. Under normal, non-Andrew Luck Sweepstakes circumstances, I’d say this is the NFL making up for the fact we play a shitload of 10am games and have to travel more than anyone else in the league. Who knows, if we had Hasselbeck for this game, Week 14’s matchup might actually mean something. As it stands, this should probably end up being a more exciting game than anyone really deserves. I’m seeing a last-minute drive by Sam Bradford to lead the Rams narrowly over the Seahawks. My Guess: St. Louis 34, Seattle 33.
In Week 15, the Seahawks will be 2-11 and going into Soldier Field to play the Bears. I don’t think Chicago will be worth two shits this year, but it’ll still be December and it’ll still be in the Midwest. Look for the Bears to take us out much like they did in last year’s playoffs, no matter who’s starting at quarterback for them by then. By the way, how pissed are the Rams? They finish 2nd in the NFC West, yet their record dictates they have to play the Super Bowl winner and the New Orleans Saints! Meanwhile, we get the Bears (who were lucky as all hell to win their division last year) and the Falcons (who many are down on). Just thought I’d point that out. My guess: Chicago 21, Seattle 3.
In Week 16, on Christmas Eve, the Seahawks will host the 49ers, and I’m not gonna lie to you, we’ll be in full-tank mode. At this point, Pete Carroll will be looking for answers, so enter Josh Portis to make his NFL debut. Portis will show flash and sizzle, but in the end won’t have what it takes to beat on the surprisingly still-in-the-hunt-for-the-division 49ers. My Guess: San Francisco 27, Seattle 21.
In Week 17, Seattle goes to Arizona to finish the run of games. Seattle will lose. Seattle will still be contending with a couple of other teams, in all likelihood. I can’t tell you how many people think Buffalo will be right down near the bottom, but I’m just not seeing it. I like Ryan Fitzpatrick! He showed a lot of moxie last year! Plus, they play the AFC West, the Cincinnati Bengals, and the Tennessee Titans at home. There’s got to be 5 or 6 wins in their future. Meanwhile, Carolina. Oh whoa Carolina! I’m putting them in the toughest division in the NFC (with potentially three playoff teams in the mix), plus they play Green Bay, Detroit (in Detroit), and they start off the season in Arizona. They have Cam Newton (who will be balls) starting, so that right there will keep them in the lower 5th of the league. The one upside is: what are the odds a team takes back-to-back quarterbacks #1 overall in back-to-back NFL Drafts? Are you REALLY going to invest all of this money in Cam Newton, then turn around and take Andrew Luck the very next year? Seems kinda silly if you ask me. My Guess: Arizona 17, Seattle 10.
And THAT, my friends, is how you find the Seahawks at 2-14 to end the season with a shot at the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes (again, see above definition of THAT). I encourage you to join me over here. We the Resigned, we the Giving Up, we the Looking Ahead To Next Year! Join me, stop caring about wins, quietly root for losses (or, at the very least, 1 more win for all the other crappy teams out there), and let’s look ahead to the #1 draft pick in next year’s NFL Draft! Yes We Can!