The Mariners Have Lost Two Games To The Yankees

So, here’s the deal:  if you stayed home this afternoon just to watch the Mariners game, I feel sorry for you.  I REALLY feel sorry for you.  If you’re old and sick and can’t get out of bed, I feel sorry for you.  If you’re in prison and today was your day to control the television, I feel sorry for you.  If you’re just a REALLY big Mariners fan (for some reason) and make it your mission to watch every game, I feel sorry for you.

If you had literally anything else you could possibly do, I ask you with exasperation:  why didn’t you DO that thing?  Are you insane?  Are you clinically insane?  And if not, could you go see a doctor and have that confirmed, because today was TOO FUCKING NICE for you to sit at home watching the fucking Mariners!

I don’t care if you watched it elsewhere.  If you went to a bar to do a little day drinking (like I did), or if you simply dragged your TV set out to your deck with your flip flops and your kiddie pool.  Just so long as you weren’t cooped up watching the fucking Mariners lose 6-2 to the fucking Yankees.

Life is too short you assholes!  Stop being assholes when it’s the nicest weekend the Seattle area is ever going to see!

That’s all I have to say.  Noesi sucked dick (as usual, against teams that are better than the Twins & A’s), the batters sucked dick (except for Carp, who was robbed of a 2-homer game by stupid, stupid replay), and the bullpen sucked dick.

Oh, and Felix lost yesterday (and didn’t look too good in the process).  But, it’s the middle of May and the weather is nice, so I reiterate:  who gives a shit?  Go outside!  Get a farmer’s tan for crying out loud!

If you waste Mother’s Day tomorrow by watching this fucking team, you’re a fucking idiot.  That is all.

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