Trying To Shoehorn A Christmas Analogy Into Husky Gameday

I woke up at 5am.  It’s a quarter after as I start this.  I set my alarm for 6am, and yet here I am, awake a full hour earlier.  There’s no rational explanation – ESPECIALLY with it being a Saturday – except to say that later today, at 4pm Pacific, the USC Trojans will be waltzing their way into CenturyLink Field to play the Washington Huskies.

And approximately 3 hours later, they’ll walk out, tail between their legs, suffering from deranged penis envy because their swingin’ dick head coach isn’t as special as our swingin’ dick head coach.

Suffice it to say, I’m glad the Huskies aren’t “blacking out” this game like they seemingly want to black out every big game against every bigtime opponent.  Has that EVER resulted in a win?  Maybe, just to improve our record in such a setting, we should set up a blackout for a Portland State or an Idaho game.  I like the black unis, don’t get me wrong; I just don’t want them to get a stigma of getting our asses whupped every time we wear ’em!

Also, by the time 4pm rolls around, I’ll be at the height of my drunken jackassery.  If that doesn’t spell Christmas Day, I don’t know what does!

Look, Santa, if you are real, I could really use this.  I have been EVER so good this week.  I went to the gym five times (if you include later this morning, which I do), I tried extra hard at my paying job, I’ve piled up some old clothes that I promise I’ll give to charity, and I only jerked off like two, three times tops!  I REALLY would just like a win, against this fucking team, which would hopefully knock their asses out of the Pac-12 title race once and for all 2012.

It’s almost 5:30.  I’m just waiting for the rest of my Husky family to wake up and get moving so we can open our presents together.  That’s what I’m going to start referring “drinking lots and lots of Coors Lights” as:  opening presents.  Of course, the big present of the day is a victory.  Something something something coal something something stocking.

God damn it, Santa!  Don’t screw with me today!

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