Sonics/Kings Rumors Make Me Squeal With Delight

When I woke up yesterday, this story was little more than a glimmer in one Tweet’s eye.  Some NBA agent’s daughter innocently speculating that the Kings were going to Seattle.  By noon, it was a full-blown tsunami of information.  By 3:30, it was already old news.

The news?  The Maloofs and the Hansen group were discussing the sale of the Kings.  The number 500 million was bandied about.  With the Maloofs still retaining a very tiny percentage of the team.  All that was left was the March 1st deadline to finalize the move to Seattle.

Except, of course, not so fast.  These things don’t just fall out of the sky like a bundle of joy from the stork.  There’s a lot of ins and outs and whathaveyous.  The mayor of Sacramento got on the horn with a press conference, pledging to find local buyers (or not-so-local buyers who would nevertheless keep the team local).  That felt like a desperation move more than anything.  Something to do to save a little face.  Something a politician would do who’s looking to keep his seat and perhaps, one day, move up in the political world.

But, you can’t deny:  the threat is there.

This could all blow up in our faces in a matter of minutes.  That’s why it’s ever-so-important to keep our expectations in check.  The Maloofs are tricky bitches.  They could pull out at any time.

That having been said, doesn’t this feel like it’s Now or Never?  If not the Kings, then who?  I hate to be that guy who begrudges a city that’s trying to keep its one and only professional team, but really SCREW YOU Sacramento!  You had your chance and you blew it; quit trying to drag this out until the end of time!

Hypocritical?  Maybe.  But, fuck it.  Someone else stole our team and that’s the way it is; now it’s time to steal from some other poor, fledgling city.  NBA franchises don’t grow on fucking trees!  You knew what we were getting into when this whole Arena business started.  It’s was inevitably going to get at least a LITTLE dirty.  The Kings have been in Sacramento since 1985.  That’s almost 30 years of history we’re talking about here.  There are people in their 20s and early 30s in Sacramento who have known nothing but a world with the Sacramento Kings.  People my age, who must surely feel how I felt in 2008.

And yet?  Fuck ’em.  Fuck ’em!  You snooze, you lose, pal!  I pledge allegiance to one fucking city and that’s Seattle.  Every other city in America can eat a big fat dick.

I’ll finish with a prayer:

Almighty Satan, thou art in Hell, please grant me the strength to piss on another city’s misfortunes.  Please rip their guts out and wipe your ass with them.  Please give Seattle the NBA back.  Give us a competent GM.  Give us some luck in the NBA draft, give us the world’s next Michael Jordan, and let us one day rule over OKC and all the other teams in the Western Conference.

And Satan, please give me a wiener the size of an adult forearm.  Amen.

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