Mother Of God: Seahawks Sign Cliff Avril

I don’t know what to say.  I can’t even fucking fathom all of this good fortune!  Before I go any further:  two years, $15 million.

Now, if I were to tell you simply “two years, $15 million,” what would you think?  You’d think you’re getting a solid role player, probably in his early 30s, essentially on one of his final deals before retirement.  Well, you’d be WRONG, BITCH!  Because these are the Seattle motherfucking Seahawks!  We take a 26 year old, 5-year veteran and we tell him, “You’re going to come here, you’re going to take our 2-year deal, and you’re going to win two championships before you take your max deal elsewhere!”

This is what we needed!  This is the exact number one need we had going into this offseason:  improve the pass rush.  With Chris Clemons out with injury, with Bruce Irvin still probably a year or two away from being a complete defensive end, we had one primary need to fill, and we’ve FILLED IT!  With probably the best option on the market (I’m not buying Dannell Ellerbe, because he only turned it on in the playoffs; could’ve just as easily been a fluke that it happened at all; show me a guy who has done it over a long period of time).

Now, nobody is going to tell you that Cliff Avril is the best defensive end in the league or anything.  But, he’s been productive.  Just productive enough to give us hope that MAYBE he can be a double-digit sack guy for the duration of his two-year deal.  8.5 sacks in 2010, 11 sacks in 2011, 9.5 sacks in 2012.  He’s RIGHT THERE!  He’s right there while having played on a team with a fairly piss-poor defensive unit as a whole.

This is too good to be true.  WE ARE THE BEST TEAM IN FOOTBALL!  I’ve never been able to say that before without being entirely ironic.  Now?  Now I want to shout it from mountain tops!  Part of me thinks there’s some big shoe to drop in the near future.  After all, things are NEVER this good for Seattle; some shit is going to happen to bring us down to Earth.

But, another part of me thinks:  maybe THIS is that other shoe.  Maybe suffering for my entire life – going on 32 years next Monday – is the price I had to pay before running into an unprecedented stretch of good fortune.  I like the thought of that, because God damn it, I fucking deserve it!

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