OK, now this is just getting downright STUPID.
If these Seahawks were a hippie jam band, I would seriously consider quitting my job, cashing out my 401K, getting some hair plugs, growing some huge white-guy dreadlocks, trading in all my clothes for wool ponchos and Birkenstocks, growing a crop of peyote cacti, shacking up with a smelly, hairy-armpitted woman named Rainbow, and follow this team around the country, living off of whatever I can make from donating sperm and selling our homemade dreamcatchers.
If John Schneider walked up to me, unzipped his fly, pulled out his junk, and silently pointed to it while giving me a look that said, “Well, how about it?” … I’d probably get on my knees and start going to town.
If the 2013 Seattle Seahawks came up to me and told me they murdered all of my family and friends, I would immediately take them to my compound deep in the heart of the Cascades, arm them to the teeth with my collection of machine guns, rocket launchers, hand granades, and sniper rifles, and stand with them shoulder to shoulder as the FBI and ATF – hot on our tails – engages us in the bloodiest battle in United States history.
Just yesterday, I was talking about how I wouldn’t be surprised if this team was finished in free agency as far as high-impact players are concerned. And then later in the day, the Seahawks signed Michael Bennett. Another young guy, another guy perceived to be someone who was going to get a reasonably big contract, and yet he came here for less money ($5 million) and less years (one). Why? BECAUSE WE’RE THE BEST FUCKING TEAM IN FOOTBALL, THAT’S WHY!
Four year vet, coming from Tampa Bay, had 9 sacks a year ago. The year before that he had 4 sacks. The two years before that, he did pretty much nothing. Is this Julius Peppers in his prime? Of course not. This single move, in a vacuum, isn’t all that great. If Michael Bennett was the only thing the Seahawks did in free agency this offseason, we wouldn’t be looking at this being a hugely successful team upgrade.
But, take a step back. Remember that we’re talking about a defense that was tops in points allowed in 2012. Remember that we’re talking about a defense that is only losing one linebacker (Leroy Hill) and one nickel cornerback (Marcus Trufant). Remember that you could argue this team already had upgrades for those two players on their roster in guys like Malcolm Smith, Walter Thurmond, Byron Maxwell, and Jeremy Lane. This defense is also losing Jason Jones, but to be fair, he only played in 12 games and was out for our entire playoff run (and I would argue he didn’t really have a huge impact when he was healthy anyway). And granted, Chris Clemons’ injury situation leaves his defensive end position as a huge question mark, but even if he was fully healthy we would still be talking about needing an upgrade along the defensive line as far as a pass rush is concerned.
Ultimately, we’re talking about a very good defense with all of its core players returning. All this team NEEDED to do this offseason was add to its depth. Specifically, depth along the defensive line. Now, step out of that vacuum and look at what we’ve done to an already very good defense: Cliff Avril and Michael Bennett. Not the best defensive ends in the NFL, but still good defensive ends in the NFL with a proven (recent) track record of some success. They add to the line depth we already have, and they are arguably better than the guys we have on our roster (again, depending on whether Chris Clemons is able to return to full strength and doesn’t immediately re-injure his knee once he steps on the field). Even if the Seahawks don’t sign a veteran nickel corner (which, at this point, I am not ruling out by any means), even if the Seahawks draft a couple stiffs at linebacker (which, I would argue, is unlikely given Schneider’s skill and eye for talent), this defense is going to – again – be one of the best in all of football.
And, most likely, they will be BETTER than the team that, in 2012, led the league in fewest points allowed.
I am absolutely quivering with anticipation right now, as I know most other Seahawks fans are as well. This is what it’s like to be the New York Yankees! Not in the sense that we’re out-spending everyone in the league, but very much in the sense that this is a place people want to come to play. We may not have the history or the mystique of putting on the pinstripes and playing in the shadows of legends, but we are the hot new shit of this league, and just about EVERYONE wants to be a Seahawk.
This season can’t start soon enough. Can someone cryogenically freeze my body right now and start thawing me out in late August?