I know I’m really stepping out on a huge limb here, but I’d like to get this out on record before the Titanic officially plunges into the ocean: Aaron Harang sucks.
This is what you get, Mariners! This is what you fucking get when you dick around with Jon Garland and let him walk away. You get to start the season with Blake fucking Beavan (who also sucks), followed by scrambling for a veteran starter (which you HAD with Jon fucking Garland), and you end up with a guy three times as fucking worse.
I’m not saying Jon Garland is some Cy Young winning miracle, but look at it this way: Aaron Harang has started six games this year. In three of those games, he has given up more runs than innings he managed to pitch. He has one win, two quality starts, he’s fucking 35 years old, and he has NEVER been what you would call good. He’s sometimes been bad, and other times been what you’d call “serviceable”, and now he’s done. I can tell that he’s done because he’s making excuses for why he’s been bad. Because he hasn’t been able to pitch every five days. You can’t get any better when you’re just throwing bullpens! Sure, I’ll buy that. But, why were you stuck throwing these most-recent bullpens? Oh, that’s right, because your back had an ouchie and you couldn’t make your last start!
All those other bullpens, at the beginning of the year: that was because nobody wanted you. Not REALLY. You were passed around like a latex fuck doll at the worst bachelor party of all time. Again, that speaks more about YOU than it does dumb ol’ bad luck. It should be telling you: you’re done, Aaron Harang. Pack it up. Either move to Japan or call it a career. I’m sure you’ve got enough millions to live on, so let’s nobody feel sorry for ol’ Aaron Harang.
Bring up anyone else. Literally anyone, I don’t care. Just don’t make us watch this guy any more.