Reunited & It Feels So Bad: Tarvar To Re-Sign With Seahawks

You’re never safe.  No matter how safe you THINK you are, just know that you’re never safe.

I despise Tarvaris Jackson.  It’s why I’ve nicknamed him Tarvar; because a name like T-Jack is for someone reasonably cool.  Tarvar is the God damned apocalypse.

I’m not entirely an unreasonable man.  I can admit a guy is better than Brady Quinn when I see one.  But, for starters, let’s just put this out there:  Tarvar isn’t THAT much better than Brady Quinn.  He’s NOT a starting quarterback.  Just because he WAS a starting quarterback two years ago doesn’t mean we now have two starting quarterbacks on this roster.  We have ONE starting quarterback – Russell Wilson – and we have two suck-ass losers.  Just because Tarvar is a hair better (allegedly) than Quinn is no reason to start praising this signing.

Remember all those sacks Tarvar took because he was too indecisive?  Remember how he held the ball FOREVER trying to find the perfect throw?  Remember how everyone THINKS he’s this mobile quarterback, even though he pretty much NEVER scrambles or even leaves the pocket (except to run straight backwards and get sacked)?  He’s NOT a Russell Wilson clone!  He won’t run the read-option!  You know how I know this?  Because we had the same offensive coordinator two years ago and I don’t remember this team EVER running the read-option with him.  And THAT team had a bad offensive line that was still trying to gel under newly-hired Tom Cable’s zone blocking scheme.  You’d think that a team with those kinds of O-Line problems would’ve tried to shake things up with a little zone-read.  But they didn’t, because that’s not Tarvar’s game.  He’s a drop-back passer and a bad one at that.

Strong arm?  Who gives a shit!  Most of the quarterbacks in the NFL have strong arms!  Tough guy?  Big fucking deal!  So he took a lot of hits and kept playing; so would (again) MOST of the quarterbacks in the NFL!  Know this:  he was on his last strike in this league.  If he didn’t show the kind of toughness he showed, he probably wouldn’t have found another starting job ever again.  Except, oh wait!  He lost his job to a rookie last year, was traded to Buffalo, and never threw a regular season pass on a team that finished with a record of 6-10!

Now, I’m sure he’s a hard worker, but I’m sure I don’t care.  Here’s what I don’t like the most about this move:  what his presence will mean for that locker room.  He was the team’s captain two years ago.  He’s a highly respected guy on this team.  I wouldn’t even be surprised if there are a lot of guys on this team who believe he was screwed out of his job last off-season.  Yes, Russell Wilson proved his value as the season wore on; and yes, this IS Russell Wilson’s team now.  But, do you really want team chemistry to be one of your issues this year?  When the team is as young as it is, as brash as it is, and as egotistical as it is?

This issue is a little further down on my Concerns List, but what if Russell Wilson struggles early on?  Am I going to have to sit through these fucking idiot fans chanting for Tarvaris Jackson to be our starter?  I can’t remember the last time anyone used the phrase “going postal”, but I’m pretty sure that’s what the phrase was invented for.

With Tarvaris Jackson on the team, we’re one snap away from him being the guy that’s supposed to lead this team to the Super Bowl.  One freak injury away from being led by Mr. 8-8.  I’m not necessarily saying that we’d be better off with Brady Quinn starting the rest of our games, but I AM saying that you never know.  I most certainly DO know what we have in Tarvaris Jackson.  And, if you’re going to try to bring up the point that the rest of the Seahawks’ roster is better now than it was in 2011 (and so, with a better team around him, he should be able to win more games); I will point you toward the last time he was a regular starter for the Minnesota Vikings.  THAT was a pretty fucking good team, too.  A team that went to the NFC title game and was ever-so-close to going to a Super Bowl with an over-the-hill Brett Favre.  If Tarvar couldn’t win with those Vikings, what makes you think an older Tarvar can win with these Seahawks?

Brady Quinn might be terrible, or he might not.  You DON’T know.  Shit, Derek Anderson was a Pro Bowl quarterback one year!  Anything can happen.  All I hear about him is that Brady Quinn is a machine in the weight room, and that he rivals Russell Wilson in game-prep and watching film.  I have to think that his crazy type of work ethic is BOUND to pay off in ways we’ve yet to see.

So, yeah, I’m on the Brady Quinn train.  I didn’t want to be; I surely didn’t intend to be!  I was more than happy having Matt Flynn around as my security blanket.  But, the Seahawks are really putting Baby in a corner here with this Tarvar news.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.

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