3 Down, 20 To Go: Sloppy Seahawks Slip Past Putrid Packers

Fail Mary THIS, assholes!

Look, I’m not gonna lie to you, at 6:30pm, smack dab in the middle of this contest, I had my fantasy football draft.  $50 buy-in, ten players, all old buddies from college … there’s a trophy and a year’s worth of shit-talking on the line.  So, forgive me if I wasn’t exactly glued to this pre-season game featuring the Seahawks in Green Bay.  In the first half, I saw a lot of underwhelming play.  I saw the Packers hide Aaron Rodgers, like they didn’t want to give us a challenge or something.  I saw Russell Wilson get destroyed on a couple sacks.  I saw Russell Wilson look idiotic on a couple of interceptions (granted, one was tipped, but still, he had to see there was no throwing lane there).  I saw Guns Turbin get absolutely fucking ABUSED by Clay Matthews on a blitz.  I saw the Richard Sherman every Seahawks fan hopes we never see when the games start to count (because, seriously, every fucking dick in the yard is rooting for him to fail this year after his off-season shit-storms).

In short, I saw a lot of heinous shit.  But, in the end, the Seahawks came out with the victory.  And here’s the thing:  you can say what you want about how bad this team looked, but that’s to be expected.  The Seahawks aren’t going to steamroll every team they play this year.  Sometimes – especially on the road – they’re going to have to slog through some terrible fucking performances and find a way to win it at the end in an ugly 17-10 fashion.

And, for as bad as this team looked, there were some definite high points.

I’m going to start right with the running game.  This offensive line looked like it was in peak mid-season form in their run blocking.  Pass protection:  not so much.  But, they were blowing defenders off the line and our running backs were the recipients of some massive holes.  That bodes VERY well for this team, considering THIS is what it wants to do the most.  Russell Wilson won’t always have a shit game like that, but when he does, it’s nice to know we can rely on our ground attack to fuck some bitches up.

Next up:  I thought the defense looked great.  There were breakdowns at times, but that’ll happen.  This defense might not shut anyone out all year.  BUT, they will generate turnovers.  Two more forced fumbles on absolutely textbook strips.  Like I said, this team may not lead the league in defense when it comes to points or yards, but it’s going to be among the league leaders in turnovers and return touchdowns scored (it’s why I reached heavily in my fantasy draft to pick up Seattle’s D in the fifth round)

(I should point out that defensive scoring in our league is kind of insane, so a top-flight defense can be a real boon to your chances week-in and week-out)

The pass rush is still a bit of a concern (seriously, if you can’t get to Green Bay’s quarterback, then you’re gonna have a bad time) but I don’t think that’s going away anytime soon, so I’m going to take that broken record off the player for a while.

Third on the hit parade:  Stephen Fucking Williams.  I can’t even get over this!  He is a deep-ball specialist!  If this team doesn’t keep him on the 53-man, I’m going to have some serious fucking issues.  Because SOME team (hint hint, 49ers) will pick him up and he will dominate.  Unreal.  Another 40-plus yard bomb for a touchdown, out-jumping a defender.  I want to have his babies.

Finally, I’ll just say that even though Brady Quinn won’t be around in a week or two, I really love that he launched that deep ball to Williams.  He’s looking for a backup job SOMEWHERE and he had absolutely nothing to lose.  Taking that one-on-one matchup and exposing the defense like that could be the difference between him having a job and him trying to sneak his way onto a CFL team.

Here’s the thing to ultimately take away from this game.

This was the third pre-season game.  The game where your starters play into the third quarter to get their game legs under them, to get their timing down, and to treat it like they would a regular season game (without, of course, giving away your whole bag of tricks).  You want to look good in your third game because that gives you an idea of how good you’ll actually be when the games start to count.  So, on that end, the Seahawks failed miserably.  Because, if they play like that in the regular season, they’ll be lucky to go 9-7 and grab the final Wild Card spot.

There IS another way to look at it, if you choose to say your glass is half full.

The Seahawks knew all of that going into this game.  They knew this was the real test of the pre-season and they TRIED to come out and beat the Packers like they beat the Broncos and Chargers before them.  Only, it didn’t work, and a lot of it was more the fault of the Seahawks being bad than the Packers being good.  You can’t strip the Pack of all the credit, mind you, but the Seahawks self-inflicted a lot of damage.  Penalties, missed blocks, poor throws, bad coverage, worse tackling.  A lot of these things are in the Seahawks’ control.  Knocking that penalty shit off is a biggie, and I have no doubt they’ll find a way.  Also, pass protection should be infinitely better with Lynch and Robinson carrying the load (not to mention a healthy Zach Miller).

In a funny kind of way, the Seahawks needed a game like this.  They needed a reality check.  Our stars did not come out, they did not shine.  They struggled.  Some played like total ass!  There is going to be so much tape of this game to learn from, it’s not even funny.  If the Seahawks aren’t a shit-ton cleaner against the Raiders next week, I’ll eat my hat.  Once they know they can play a clean game of football, that first game against Carolina should be a breeze.

So, I’m not going to totally obliterate this team.  Not now, anyway.  If they come out like this and blow week 1’s game in Carolina, though, it’ll be an entirely different story.

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