Seattle Sports Hell 2013 NFL Power Rankings – Week 8

Tomorrow, I’m going to write a “We’re Halfway There” post on the Seahawks, since they’ve completed 8 games.  Here’s a hint:  the Seahawks are pretty fucking good.

Since I’ve already pretty much reduced all power rankings as being worthless, I suppose I should try to defend why I still have the Seahawks in the #1 position in mine.  I’d say that’s 90% me being a homer, 5% wishful thinking (especially with $700 on the line waiting for me in Tahoe if we win the Super Bowl), and 5% the cold, hard truth.

Tomorrow, I look squarely at the Seahawks.  So, today, I can look at the rest of the NFL.  The Denver Broncos have a world-beating offense, but they’ve been very fortunate with a lack of injuries at their skill positions.  And, I just don’t trust Peyton Manning when the weather turns cold.  Maybe, if he only had to play in the cold for one game, and that game was the Super Bowl, MAYBE he could swing it.  But, the way things are going, the whole road to the playoffs is going to be paved in cold-weather cities.  Unless Indy really is for real and they somehow overtake Denver in the playoff seedings, you’re looking at Manning playing playoff games in either Denver, New England, or Kansas City before he even GETS to the Super Bowl in New Jersey.  You’re telling me he wins 3 cold-weather games in a row?  I don’t think so.

Kansas City, as I’ve said all along, show me something when you play someone good.  It wouldn’t shock me in the slightest to see this team go 14-2, split their season series with Denver, and somehow find a way to win the AFC West.  But, if they do that, I guarantee they lose in the Divisional Round to whoever takes them on.  I also think, sometime soon, they lose a game to a bad team they should’ve beaten.  Come on, it’s Alex Smith!  It’s Alex Smith, an elite running back, and no one else!  This team’s good, but this team can be beaten.

Indy scares me, but Indy scares me a lot less on the road.  They also scare me a lot less with the Seahawks at full strength along the offensive line.  And, unlike most other Power Rankings, I like to look ahead in mine and predict where we’ll be at season’s end.  Indy is close, but they’re not there yet.

Finally, in the AFC, you’ve got the Patriots.  Tom Brady is falling apart.  He’s got all his weapons back, and everyone has been saying all season long, “Just you wait until Tom Brady has all his weapons back!”  Well, I’M WAITING!

In the NFC, you’re looking at three teams besides the Seahawks:  Packers, 49ers, Saints.  The Seahawks don’t play the Packers this year, but if they were to face them in the playoffs, I don’t think I’d be all that concerned.  Their loss of Randall Cobb is a crusher.  I don’t think the Seahawks have anyone who can cover that guy enough to be effective.  Nelson and Jones, on the other hand, would be manhandled by the L.O.B.

I think the Seahawks go into San Francisco later this year and I think we come away with the win (and lock up the division right there, no fuss, no muss).  And, I think the Saints lose their grip on the top seed when they come into Seattle on Monday night.  In week 13.  After our BYE week.

Over the past five games – where the Seahawks have been on the road for four of ’em – we haven’t looked our best.  But, we came out of that stretch 4-1, and that’s about as good as we could’ve hoped for going into the year.  With five of our last eight at home to close the year out – plus a BYE week thrown in for extra comfort – I would expect to see more of the elite performances we’ve come to expect out of this team.  But, more on that tomorrow.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this pic:

Well ... well look.  I already told you:  I deal with the god damn players so the head coach doesn't have to!  I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people!  Can't you understand that?  What the hell is wrong with you people?

Well … well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn players so the head coach doesn’t have to! I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people! Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

On to the rankings.


  1. Seattle Seahawks (7-1) – Yikes.  Our offensive line is scary-bad, and yet we’re still 7-1.  Cannot WAIT for Okung to get back.  Also, don’t hate too hard, because this defense is Top 3 in the league, easily.
  2. Denver Broncos (7-1) – You can see the Broncos trying to work in their running game.  If it ever develops, that could spell doom for the rest of the NFL.

The Rest:

  1. Kansas City Chiefs (8-0) – I was as high as anyone on the chances of the Chiefs making the playoffs going into this year, but perfect after 8 games?  That’s pretty ridiculous.
  2. Indianapolis Colts (5-2) – BYE week, BYE week, Andrew Luck, BYE week.
  3. Green Bay Packers (5-2) – The Packers lose a bunch of players on offense and they’re 5-2; the Falcons lose a bunch of players on offense and they’re 2-5.  Don’t ask me how the world works.
  4. San Francisco 49ers (6-2) – Whoop-dee-doo, they beat up on the Jacksonville Jaguars, BFD.
  5. New England Patriots (6-2) – Was looking a little grim, but the Dolphins are the Dolphins.
  6. New Orleans Saints (6-1) – Just Drew Brees being Drew Brees.  332 yards, 5 touchdowns; ain’t no thang.
  7. Cincinnati Bengals (6-2) – Andy Motherfucking Dalton!  I tell you, Jack Dalton’s Disappointing Nephew really took a leap forward!  That’s a little MacGyver reference for … you know what, look it up on Wikipedia yourselves, I’m tired!
  8. Detroit Lions (5-3) – Man, this offense is scary-good in the final two minutes of a game.
  9. Carolina Panthers (4-3) – These rough-and-tumble Carolina Panthers are here to F your S up!
  10. Chicago Bears (4-3) – The Bears aren’t too happy with the Cowboys right about now, that’s for damn sure.
  11. San Diego Chargers (4-3) – The Chargers aren’t good.  If they end up making the playoffs, that only means it’s because the AFC is who we thought they were.
  12. New York Jets (4-4) – Me and 7 buddies did that Total Wins Pool that they talk about on Grantland before the season.  Technically, you’re supposed to have 10 guys doing it, with each picking three teams, so no one has to get stuck with the Jaguars, but we were under a time-crunch and I could only get 8 total.  Anyway, the Jets were the next-to-last team picked, and they’ve ended up with 4 wins in their first 8 games.  Not too shabby for a team no one expected anything from.
  13. Atlanta Falcons (2-5) – Man, just when I was singing Matt Ryan’s praises and preventing outside poachers from trading for him to be their keeper, he goes out and lays THAT egg.
  14. Dallas Cowboys (4-4) – If I was Dez Bryant, I would’ve been throwing a shit-fit too.  Of course, that having been said, I’m pretty glad we don’t have a diva like that on the Seahawks (*knocking on wood that Percy Harvin isn’t that diva*).
  15. Baltimore Ravens (3-4) – I have nothing to say about the Ravens.  That’s me not saying anything at all if I don’t have anything nice to say.
  16. Arizona Cardinals (4-4) – Finally broke the streak of teams losing the week after playing the Seahawks.  I knew it was you, Fredo!
  17. Buffalo Bills (3-5) – What did you expect, the Bills to go in and keep pace with the Saints?  What’s wrong with you?
  18. Miami Dolphins (3-4) – Look, what you do with your money is your business.  If you want to go out and give Mike Wallace a huge contract, that’s on you.  But, don’t fuck with the emotions of fantasy football players the world over!  If you invest in a guy like Mike Wallace, then you should build your offense around a guy like Mike Wallace!  Instead of just having him be part of a crowd of mediocre receivers, highlight the man!
  19. Houston Texans (2-5) – Will the Case Keenum Express continue to dominate all comers?
  20. Cleveland Browns (3-5) – I guess when you replace Brandon Weeden, you get everyone falling all over themselves praising you.  But, Jason Campbell isn’t very good.  Keep that in mind.
  21. Tennessee Titans (3-4) – Probably the best timing of any team’s BYE week.  Jake Locker should be fully healthy and ready to prove himself.
  22. Oakland Raiders (3-4) – Nice win over a team they should beat.  The Steelers are, in fact, terrible.
  23. Philadelphia Eagles (3-5) – Two good offenses, two crappy defenses, so of course it ends up with the Giants winning 15-7.  If Foles was healthy, that game turns on a dime as soon as Vick goes down.
  24. Washington Redskins (2-5) – It boggles my mind that the Redskins are still in the running in the NFC East.
  25. New York Giants (2-6) – It boggles my mind even MORE that the Giants are still in the running in the NFC East.
  26. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-5) – I’d like to think that the outcome would’ve been different had the game been in Pittsburgh, but I don’t think that’s necessarily true.  What do the Steelers do to turn this around?  Do they hang onto Roethlisberger and wait for everyone else around him to develop?  Do they trade their star quarterback and blow the whole thing up?  It would seem to me Ben still has some good years left in him, but his body does take a pounding week-in and week-out.
  27. St. Louis Rams (3-5) – They play a tough home game against the Seahawks.  But, Clemens is their quarterback.  And they’re one injury away from starting … who?
  28. Minnesota Vikings (1-6) – What do you call a quarterback controversy when all three quarterbacks are equally terrible and ill-fit to be starting in the NFL on this particular team?  Is Joe Webb still around?  Can we make it a 4-way tie of terrible QBs?
  29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-7) – So, in two weeks, the Bucs will be playing on Monday Night Football at 0-8 against the Miami Dolphins.  Is it too late for ESPN to schedule Heidi instead?
  30. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-8) – Your 2013 Jacksonville Jaguars.

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