Seattle Sports Hell Goes To Christmas

I’ve been sort of bitching about the fact that Christmas falls on a Wednesday, and as a result, I have to use up a vacation day just so I can have the day after Christmas off (and, since who wants to come back to work on the Friday before a weekend, that means I’m actually blowing through TWO vacation days).  But, in reality, this is the closest thing I’ve had to a Christmas Break since I was unemployed.  Five whole days off in a row!!!

On a side note, I REALLY should have enjoyed those unemployed days more than I did.  Mostly, I just stressed about not having a job, and trying to find a job.  But, what I wouldn’t GIVE to be unemployed again!  With a neverending stream of income.  And a supermodel girlfriend.  Who shoots lasers out of her … STOP READING MY DREAM JOURNAL, YOU GUYS!

As a result of this short-term freedom, I’m going dark on the site.  Instead of trying to figure out what I should write about for three useless days (before the weekend, which is sacred No Writing Time), I’m going to drink a ton, eat a ton, and drink another ton.  Culminating in tonight’s Drinking Olympics.

Do you like drinking games?  Well, if you’re in the Tacoma, Washington area tonight at about 8pm, you may come upon a house where two brothers will be engaged in an all-out war to see who is truly the king of drinking games.  The events:

  • Boat Race
  • Best of 3 Beer Pong Tourney
  • 4-cup, 1-on-1 Flip Cup Tourney
  • Best of 8 Drinking Crazy 8’s Tourney
  • Drinking Billiards
  • Drinking Darts
  • And many, many more (or not, I can’t remember)

Then, we’ll sit down and watch the greatest Christmas movie of all time – The Ref, starring Denis Leary.  Because Die Hard is NOT a Christmas movie, you b-holes!  It’s an action movie that just so happens to take place in December!  So fudge off!

Anyway, here’s some more stuff for you to read.  Because I’m a giver.

A little while back, the AV Club took a walk down memory lane to the distant land of 1993.  A year that just so happened to take place 20 years ago.  Because if you’re going to be nostalgic about something, 20 years is an appropriate amount of distance.  For the record, I was 12 in 1993.  The period of time between 1989 and 1994 was my JAM.  I was a fan of ALL the bands, ALL the movies, ALL the TV shows.  It’ll never be that good again …

More love for the 12th Man, because if there’s anything we eat up, it’s the national media sucking our dicks …

I’ve been a fan of Saturday Night Live since the late 80s.  Even if they have down years (of which there have been many), there is usually SOMETHING to enjoy.  I’ve seen this sketch a few times, but of course it’s not something that they can just replay all the time.

I’ve wanted to go on The Price Is Right since I was old enough to watch and comprehend television.  I don’t think I’ve got the right look or attitude to get on Contestant’s Row, but I feel like if I liquored myself up real good, got a bunch of friends to wear the same T-shirt as me, and ran around screaming my head off, I might have a shot.

Adam Sandler used to be funny.  Billy Madison is a classic.  Airheads and Shakes The Clown are underrated as all get-out.  Happy Gilmore, Bulletproof, The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy, and Big Daddy were all varying degrees of solid.  50 First Dates is somewhat watchable.  Punch Drunk Love is GOLD (but, alas, not a comedy).  Everything else I can do without (except for Aziz Ansari’s character in Funny People).  He was always great on SNL, but I don’t think I consumed anything of his more than his debut album, They’re All Gonna Laugh At You.  I would recite lines from that album for YEARS.

Big fan of The League, though this latest season was less-than-stellar.  Except for the Rafi/Dirty Randy episode, which was on par with some of the greatest episodes of all time.

Charles Manson is a crazy fuck.

And, to follow that up, here’s a post about the old Nicktoons Christmas specials.  Happy Holidays, you wankers!

P.S.  If you’re feeling REALLY in the Holiday Spirit, follow me on Twitter.  Yeah, I’m an attention whore like that.  If you’re really lucky, you’ll get to enjoy drunken tirades when one of my favorite teams loses a game I feel they should win.  I also re-tweet funny people to make up for my lack of humor.  It’s a good time!  I’m also on Facebook, where you’ll get snarky little tags to each of my posts that I put up there.  I’m not as active on Facebook, unless you want to friend me personally.  Good luck with that.

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