Sean Barber & Hector Noesi Are Really Shitty At Their Jobs

After last night’s performance behind the plate, Sean Barber should not have a job.  He is not qualified to be a baseball umpire, Major Leagues or otherwise.  Either he has vision impairment, or he doesn’t know the rules, but either way he’s a blight and an embarrassment to the game and Major League Baseball needs to act swiftly in removing this menace before the sport itself is rendered as irrelevant as professional wrestling.

I know there are a million different possible outcomes, but in that fifth inning, Roenis Elias was deprived of a third out.  Shortly thereafter, one run scored and another was mere inches from tying the ballgame.  Of course, manager error would later see the game tied anyway, but you’d like to think that if things shook out as they should have, we would have gotten to the 9th inning with a chance to save this victory in regulation.

Roenis Elias was deprived of that final out – a strikeout, as it should have been called – because Sean Barber is a limp-dicked ninny who called a ball instead because he’s a fucking asshole and I hope he suffers severely.

Sean Barber was 1/3 of the reason why we lost this game.  He was just as important as the players themselves in determining this outcome.  It’s not good for the game, and today he deserves to be unemployed.

Lloyd McClendon is another 1/3 of the reason why we lost this game, but obviously I’m not going to call for his head just yet.  He put Tom Wilhelmsen in there, in a 1-run game, in the 8th inning, even though Danny Farquhar was available.  You see, Lloyd McClendon apparently has more confidence in Tom Wilhelmsen’s abilities, because he’s like every other stupid Neanderthal Baseball Guy out there who equates “veteran experience” with talent.  Any fucking moron sitting on his couch yelling at the TV last night while clipping his toenails can see that Danny Farquhar is the better pitcher.  Except for the one guy who has the power to control that part of the outcome of the game.

It shouldn’t take McClendon long to come to grips with reality, as Wilhelmsen will eventually pitch himself out of a job because he’s so shitty, but that’s not the point.  It never should have gotten to this point in the first place.  This is a game we SHOULD have won – in spite of Sean Barber’s inept bumbling behind the plate – but we didn’t win it because management foolishly chose the wrong right-hander to be their 8th inning set-up guy.


We gave away a game because our manager isn’t all that bright.  You’re probably saying, “It’s just one game, calm down!”  Yeah, well, it’s ALWAYS just one game.  But, those games add up.  How many times do we have to lose before guys like Tom Wilhelmsen and Hector Noesi are out on the streets?

While Tom Wilhelmsen has a trade to fall back on – bartending – I worry about what will become of Hector Noesi once he’s finished with baseball.  If Tom’s Bar hired Noesi to be a second bartender, then surely the White Russians would have limes and cherries floating in them, Captain & Cokes would be savagely mis-poured with the inferior Sailor Jerry, and the Manhattans would be nothing but tomato juice and Jagermeister.

I just can’t help but think that Hector Noesi – no matter what he does – is equally as terrible as he is throwing a baseball.  Of course, he comprises the remaining 1/3 of the reason why we lost last night, but you can’t really blame Noesi.  He’s not the one who decided to keep himself on the roster simply because he was out of options and the organization was afraid to lose such a “talented arm”.  The fact of the matter is, this falls on Jack Zduriencik.  A) for trading to bring him into this organization in the first place, and B) for keeping him around even though he’s WORTHLESS.  He is, quite literally, the worst pitcher I’ve ever seen, and I’m a Mariners fan!  I’ve lived through the Bobby Ayala days.  The Scott Sanders days.  And yes, the Jeff Weaver & Horacio Ramirez days.  Hector Noesi out-craps them all, in spectacular fashion I might add.

Hector Noesi needs to be off this team immediately.  See if you can trade him to the A’s and convince them to keep him on their 25-man roster.  At this point, you should be less concerned with missing out on watching his talented arm reach its potential and see him for what he really is:  a ticking timebomb to be unleashed on the rest of the league.  SOMEONE will pick him up.  SOMEONE will give him a chance.  And, when that happens, the Mariners will have done their part to improve their lot in life.  For, just by giving Noesi away to another team, they will have actively made that team just a LITTLE bit worse.  And that’s all you can really hope for, at this point.  It’s not about the possible value-added, it’s about the definite value detracted from another team.

That might sound like a lose-lose proposition, but you’re only a loser if you gainfully employ Hector Noesi (or Sean Barber, for that matter; I’m looking at you Major League Baseball).

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