The Seahawks Probably Aren’t Making The Playoffs This Year

As the Arizona Cardinals continue The Most Annoying Football Season Ever (they have a chance to host their own Super Bowl appearance; isn’t that just TOO MUCH?!), it’s time for all of us to admit a hard truth:  the Seahawks aren’t very good.  They’re that clichéd fucking Super Bowl winner who goes on to finish 8-8 the following year.  GOD!  I thought we were better than that!

But, with a 6-4 record, with six difficult games to go, couldn’t you see this team finishing 8-8 right now?

I didn’t write anything last Friday, but if I had, it would’ve been some variation on the theme:  Why the Chiefs are going to beat the Seahawks.  And it would’ve listed all of the most obvious reasons:  the lack of Brandon Mebane, their killer rushing offense, their quarterback who doesn’t make any mistakes, their propensity to convert third downs.  I saw this game as being very similar to the Chargers game, only instead of being 100,000 degrees, it was freezing.

Lo and behold, it was more or less a comfortable victory for the Chiefs.  We didn’t force them to punt until the second half; indeed, it wouldn’t have been as close as it was if we didn’t land on a couple of fumbles.

The Seahawks’ offense is broken.  Last year, when the defense was dominant at forcing turnovers, it was able to mask a lot of the problems with play-calling.  Darrell Bevell is a joke.  He’s always been a joke.  We won the Super Bowl IN SPITE of him, not because of him.  He has no idea what he’s doing in the red zone, that much is clear.  He’s about as creative as a diseased tree stump with his play calling.  Even on our first TD drive, we have first and goal on the 5 yard line; what do we do?  Three straight passes.  We ran for 44 yards on that drive, but when we get to the 5, let’s start throwing a ton.  GENIUS!  Luckily, Wilson was able to buy some time and find Baldwin, but that was starting to look like a real missed opportunity there, and Bevell got lucky.

When you’re inside the 5 yard line, you should be rushing the ball on first and second down.  When you’re outside the 5 yard line, you should be passing to either get to a goalline situation, or to get the touchdown (outside of five yards, you have more room for the receivers to get open).  THIS ISN’T ROCKET SCIENCE!  This is ostensibly Darrell Bevell’s profession and he SUCKS so hard at it!

I mean, a fade to Baldwin on 4th and goal?  In what universe do you think that’s going to work?  MAYBE Toontown.  Maybe if we were all cartoons and could stretch our bodies in hilarious ways to catch that pass in traffic while getting two feet down.  Even if Baldwin was being covered by Kelly Jennings himself, the odds of that play working out are slim!  And you think you’re getting a penalty called in that situation?  Are you high, Doug Baldwin?

The fact of the matter is, we could have Chip Kelly calling the shots on offense, but I’m not so sure this team would be any good.  Doug Baldwin is nobody’s number 1 receiver.  I valued him over Golden Tate because I thought he’d be playing behind Percy Harvin.  Guys like Baldwin ALWAYS need to be playing behind true number 1 receivers in order to be effective.  And, not for nothing, but Jermaine Kearse is nobody’s number 2 receiver.  I can’t wait for Paul Richardson to finally blossom into something elite, because until that happens, we’re going to STRUGGLE throwing the ball.

In the meantime, though, you’d think the Seahawks would be looking to roll the pocket a little bit more.  Russell Wilson is still at his best when he’s throwing on the run, so why are we trying to make him this pocket passer?  And, if the defense is truly playing him to TRY to keep him in the pocket, then it’s time to start moving the pocket.  Get him out on some bootlegs to let receivers do what they have to do to get open.

Defensively, I don’t even know what to say.  Mebane was out and we gave up 190 rushing yards.  That wasn’t the ONLY reason we gave up 190 yards, but it was a big one.  Kam Chancellor was out there running around, but he didn’t look right at all.  He was playing tentatively, trying to avoid taking a big hit, instead of throwing his body right at blockers.  This defense is another animal when Kam is healthy, so it’s pretty easy to assume he’s playing on some busted body part or another.  Malcolm Smith also returned from injury, but he played like complete ass against the run.  I’m thinking the team probably shouldn’t bend over backwards to extend him after this season.

The injuries are piling up.  This time, Max Unger went out with an ankle and a knee.  As soon as he stepped off the field, a team that had racked up 332 yards to that point, would only gain 40 yards the rest of the way (23 of those were on one pass play to Baldwin on our final drive), while giving up a sack and nearly a safety in the process.  Before Max Unger went out, there was minimal pressure on Wilson when he threw the ball.  After he went out, Wilson had no time whatsoever.  Max Unger is probably going to be out a while, so get used to more of that.

My hope is at its nadir with this team.  There isn’t any great miracle waiting for us on the horizon, and guys are only getting more and more injured.  The lone positive you can take away from yesterday’s game was that it was an AFC opponent.  We’re 6-4, but we’re still 4-2 against the NFC.  At the very least, you should be giving up the dream on winning the division and wondering if there’s a way the Seahawks can finish 4-2 and sneak into a Wild Card spot.

Here’s a hint:  it’s going to involve beating the 49ers twice and either Dallas, Philly, and/or Green Bay falling apart down the stretch.

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