Jerry Dipoto Is The New Mariners GM

One month to the day that Jackie Z was fired, Twitter started to blow up with word that his replacement had been found.  It was subsequently confirmed by the team, with a press conference taking place yesterday.  Jerry Dipoto – former Angels GM – is your new Mariners GM.

Forgive me if I’m not falling all over myself with joy.  Truth be told, the move that needs to be made – the move that’s needed to be made for well over a decade – is the organization wresting control from one Howard Lincoln.  Preferably, such a move would come via the powers that be unceremoniously firing his sorry, goldbricking ass, followed by locking him in the stocks so every Mariners fan – one by one – can pass by to hurl insults and throw fresh feces in his face.  But, really, I’d even accept his quiet resignation and/or retirement, just so long as he’s out of the way and not running the show anymore.

I don’t know what to make of Dipoto’s background.  He was the GM for the Angels for 3 and a half years.  Last year, the Angels won the division before being swept by the Royals in the ALDS.  But, how much of that was on the dime of his predecessor’s hard work and shrewd personnel choices?

Jerry Dipoto didn’t draft Mike Trout.  He DID bring in Josh Hamilton.  He also signed Albert Pujols (a trainwreck at first, but has somewhat returned to form the last couple years) as well as C.J. Wilson (moderately successful, when healthy).  I have no idea who he drafted, and I really don’t care to know, because they’re Angels and fuck them.  I care about the fact that he has at least led an organization to the post-season, which is really my only concern for the Mariners at this point.

Will he be the guy to get us back to the playoffs?  I tend to have my doubts.  This organization is so fucked from top to bottom, it’s impossible to see a way out of the abyss.  None of our hitters can make contact.  None of them can take a walk.  Our bullpen is a mess, and we’re squandering the best years of Felix’s career.  As usual, there are too many holes on this team to count, and not enough money or available players out there to fill them.

Coming into 2015, the Mariners needed to fill out the DH spot, the corner outfielders, the back-end of the rotation, while hoping that our young infielders took a step forward.  What did the Mariners accomplish in 2015?  Well, we filled the DH spot with Nelson Cruz, and that’s about it.  PLUS, the bullpen fell apart, all the youngsters flopped, and we need to fill all three outfield spots going into 2016.  It’s an impossible task, so I hope everyone is prepared for continued sucking.

Look for this numbnuts organization to retain Lloyd McClendon.  I say that not to bash on the guy – I thought he brought some needed stability at the position of field manager, and I think he gets the most out of his players, even in a lost season like this one – but because he comes with a built-in scapegoat.  The next two years are very likely going to be miserable at the Major League level, as the organization tries – once again – to fill out the farm system.  They might not be in full sell-off mode, but I could definitely see moves being made to look toward the future.  And, therefore, when we punt these next two years, the Mariners can THEN fire Lloyd McClendon and tell the public, “He wasn’t the right man for the job.”  Dipoto will be able to hire His Kinda Guy (because of course it’s not the organization’s fault we will have had losing seasons in 2016 and 2017), and at that point the clock will be ticking.  Dipoto will have a 2-year grace period, followed by a 2-year hot-seat period, followed by him being out on his ass again and this whole process starting all over.

The sport of professional baseball is so boring and predictable, I honestly wonder why I still bother following it.  Welcome to Seattle, Jerry Dipoto.  I hope you like soul-crushing failure, because you’re going to have a front row seat to the worst four years of your life.  At least you don’t have a stupid-as-fuck last name that’s impossible to spell.

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